Writing The Abyss Blade *2nd Chapter is now up. Comments are appreciated*

HeroOfSinnoh

Dead
Member
The Abyss Blade
By HeroOfSinnoh <AKA : HoS>

This is my fan-fic called "The Abyss Blade."
Just to clear up some stuff. It is not based on Pokemon. Also, I live in a country where English isn't my native language however I think I did a decent job of this. Please tell me any grammar or spelling mistakes I have done.

Book Covers.
the_abyss_blade___front_by_heroofsinnoh-d35wu6w.png
the_abyss_blade___back_by_heroofsinnoh-d35wubp.png



Content :-

*Prologue - In this post itself.
*Chapter 1 - The Past - In this post itself.
*Chapter 2 - The Past II


Prologue :-

It has been eight years, so far nothing. I shouldn’t be grieving like this … I’m sure he is all right. Nothing dangerous could happen to him, he was well armed and trained. Am I trying to blind myself from the truth? I don’t know, I fear for his life. Eight years is a long time no matter what anybody says. The temple is already beginning to collapse. He said he’ll be back by the time it’s foundations start creaking. I pray daily to the heavens above, let him be safe of his terrible ordeal …..


Chapter 1 :- The Past (1177 words)
Darkness in the night is the root for all illusions caused to the weak human mind.

The silence in the night is eerie. It has a weird sensation. Night time definitely isn’t a time for a shallow mind. 17 years of age yet I find it difficult to keep a cool head in the night. People however would find this extremely humorous. Of course, they do not have the slightest idea of what has happened in my life in previous stages. Being ambushed by all sorts of peoples in different Ninja tribes, poisoned and left to die in the cage of a snake in midnight, getting stabbed by a sword thrown from an enemy tribe ninja during a night stroll. All these incidents assist in my noctiphobia.

Let me explain a bit about myself. I’m Xiolu Hishitar. I was a top graduate at the ninja academy in our tribe. However, maybe getting that perfect score in the ninja examinations started the spread of rumors. Incidentally those rumors were very good for a person’s popularity, however, take a ninja into a case it’s different. Popularity is the worst thing ninjas could expect for. Because it makes an enemy tribe want to eradicate you from the world. A good ninja in making is most probably the biggest threat to another ninja tribe. So, I paid the price for my popularity. I graduated with top honors from the academy. I remember that day so clearly. It was the 21st of November 1179. I was most probably the happiest 15 year old teenager that day. My parents adoring me. Young children envying me, some of my school enemies looking at me with sheer jealousy. However, it only lasted for 24 hours.

Next day, I was coming home from training. I was dedicated and determined to be one of the best that ever walked in the surface of the miraculous world. I heard the ruffling of some leaves behind me. The exact sound that can be heard when somebody is following you but accidentally makes a noise by trampling some dry leaves or a something of a similar material.

I slowed the pace I was walking in. Whoever it was, I didn’t want to let them know that I was aware that somebody is following me. I tried to concentrate to hear what other sounds the person or people who are following me are making. None, nothing. Stillness in the darkness is the same as it is. I bent down and pretended to tie my shoelace. While bent, I peeked through my legs to see what was going on behind me. Yet again, nothing at all. I turned around to observe what has been happening more clearly. There was a gentle breeze, however there was something strange in the environment. All the leaves in trees were swaying except for the leaves in 3 scrawny looking trees. At first I was confused. Then I understood, they weren’t trees but camouflaged ninjas. At this point I was certain that they were the ones following me.

The camouflage technique is forbidden to be used in our tribe except in an enemy threat. It would guarantee a heavy penalty on someone of my own tribe to use it within our tribe’s range. However, whoever these ninjas are, they are not attacking me. I tried to see where this goes. I admit I was foolish. I lead them to a path far from my tribe. I was confident in my beliefs that these 3 ninjas were searching for the secret location of our tribe. I lead them to a lonely place, only rocks and pebbles was there in sight. Nothing else. I was searching for the wind again. I was definitely sure that they have changed the
camouflage to a different type of tree because I turned around earlier to and saw their previous disguise.

Once again, I was correct. There were 3 trees in the lonely place where I lead them to. The trees were certainly notable due to the fact that the place had only rocks and pebbles surrounding it. Another breeze was blowing. I was utterly confused, the leaves on the 3 trees were swaying naturally. I rubbed my eyes thinking that maybe the drowsiness in the night was making me see things. However no, the leaves kept swaying away calmly and naturally.

Maybe the people who followed me gave up and left? No, that can’t be. I heard sounds like the cracking of dry leaves between soft soled sandals behind me even on my way here. Where are they? Have they camouflaged themselves into something else? I had many questions hovering in my brain yet no answers. I sat down on a rock nearby and started thinking. I didn’t get much time to think. Suddenly my body seemed to getting squeezed. My fingers were turning numb. I could barely get the lift the sword (blade) which I was holding. Finally I heard a voice.

“Meh, is that the kid who graduated from the academy with top honors?” The voice said.

“That’s what Kieske said, it’s not in our authority to question him. Let’s get him and leave quickly.” I heard another voice say.

“So, why are we chatting here now? Let’s take him out before he can make a move!” The third voice spoke up.

“Don’t worry Riz, I have put a body paralyzing ninjutsu spell on him.” The voice who had spoken first replied.

I understood that the third person is named Riz from this. Also, I overheard the first man being called Iaaki and the second person being called Erole. I have heard of the name Iaaki before however I can’t seem to recall it. Mainly due to the fact that I’m suffocating from the body paralyzing ninjutsu spell that has been placed on me.
The man that was called Iaaki came towards me and stood in front of me. From what I experienced he has removed the body paralyzing ninjutsu from me because I can feel that I’m not getting that suffocating feeling anymore. The rest of his group also came towards me.

“Are you Xiolu kid?” Iaaki questioned from me. In his voice I could sense that he was someone you don’t really want to get on the bad side. Well, I think I’m already in his bad side so no exceptions for me.

“And if I’m?” I answered back in a way which I thought was bold.

“If you’re really him, you just walked on this earth for the last time!” Iaaki replied harshly.

“Cool down Iaaki! We aren’t supposed to kill him! Obviously he is Xiolu. He radiates magnificent energy from his body for a teenager.” Erole said calmly. I could understand that maybe Erole was the leader here. In the darkness I could barely see his face. However from his voice, he seemed smarter than both Riz and Iaaki put together.

“I don’t care if his energy is magnificent or not!” Screamed Iaaki and threw his fist at me. I blacked out. I heard no more voices.
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

Thanks it means much to me. :)
You didn't find any spelling mistakes did you? :)

Yeah, the next chapter will be up tomorrow. :D
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

Lol, this story has gotten me hooked!
I also love how you have also made a front cover for it, it looks cool and professional :D
btw how do you pronounce Xiolu?? :S I have been saying (shoulu) is that right?? :|
oh yeah btw again, near the end when Iaaki says 'Are you Xiolu kid?' add a comma between Xiolu and kid.
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

@Unseen
Thanks :). Yeah, as a side project I will make a list of Ninjutsu spells and their effects.

@Jayj4
Thanks :).
Yep, I dunno know about the professional part but I will be lying to myself if I say I'm not proud of the cover :D. It actually did come off better than I expected.

Xiolu is pronounced as - Shi+Oh+Lu
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

It is awesome,just plain awesome.I think adding on your ninjutsu list some 'forbiden spells' would be able to help alot deeper into the story.
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

Yup, that will help a lot when I read the next chapters XD
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

@Unseen
Forbidden spells huh? Wow. Yeah, I'm definitely going to do it :). Maybe some spells that can only be casted by higher rank ninjas too :D.

@Jayj4
Yep, I bet it will. Now you don't have to screw your tongue over to pronounce it :p.
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

Example.Xiou use the forbidden spell. Go.Save yourself.[Sorry it sounds dull because my exclamation key is broken so I sound dull quite a bit nowadays.]
Lol The way you said it was alot different then I thought ah well it is chineese.[Forgive me sensei,If I misspelled chineese.]
Jay4 your umbreon avvy creeps me out because it's eye looks creepy right before it licks.
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

O_O For some reason the story sounds much better now!
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

@Unseen
Sorry Unseen, I don't think Xiolu will use a forbidden spell in the 2nd chapter because in the story plot it is necessary that he gets captured by these 3 men. Definitely in the 3rd chapter though ;).

@Jayj4
The graciousness of knowing to pronounce the name properly :D.

Side Note :- Remember guys. In this chapter Xiolu is explaining and remembering about his past not his present life. He is currently 17 years old. This chapter speaks of the time where he gets captured after the day of his graduation from the Ninja academy 2 years ago. This allows us to understand Xiolu got captured in 1179 so, the present year is 1181 :).
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

I was saying like a VERY lot later that even if you did put it in it would of already been a while.
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

@Unseen
I could get a forbidden spell on Xiolu by the time of the 3rd Chapter :). The only problem I have is ... the layout of the story is well ... huge. I think everybody will get bored and won't read the book after sometime :3
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

nice =3
I still think it would be Zi and not Shi =P
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

Due to some issues with my current life I will be unable to get the second chapter done today. Sorry for the inconvenience caused guys. However I do have some spoilers for you guys.

______________________________________
The second chapter will also be about Xiolu's past. This will give us a better understanding about the environment he was raised in, the hardships he went through. Also, at the end of the chapter Xiolu's reminiscing of the past will be over. The story will start really from there onwards.
______________________________________

I promise I'll get the 2nd chapter up by tomorrow guys :).
 
RE: The Abyss Blade *Book cover and Chapter 1 up*

Okay, and crossfire,YOU just got crossfired.[Please do not report me it was joke.]
 
Back
Top