Character Key:
Palutena – PP
Viridi – V
Hades – H
Pit – P
Dark Pit – DP
*At an unknown location Palutena, Viridi, Hades, Pit, and Dark Pit discuss serious business*
V: So then I had Cragalanche cause some earthquakes to scare the humans, but apparently part of Japan was torn up by it. Seeing them freak out over their buildings toppling over was pretty funny. I do have to say they’re pretty lazy for not fixing up their homes right away, like sheesh if I can instantly take over large areas with a reset bomb, it shouldn’t take them so long to rebuild their ugly human landscapes.
DP: Uuh, Viridi you do know you killed quite a bit of people, I mean not like it matters…
H: I do have to thank you for that, their souls were absolutely delightful and delicious.
V: Ugh Hades how can you even think about eating human souls, do you even know where they’ve been? They’re probably not even organic or GMO-free, here have some of these carrots, I grew them in my garden. They should help that “lovely” complexion of yours.
H: AAAUUUGGHHHH! Get those horrid things away from my delicate palette. How could you even think of feeding me that filth that’s been residing in dirt and grime for who knows how long!
DP: Hades you do know you’re the Underworld leader, right? You guys basically live under the dirt.
H: EXACTLY! Have you seen the filth that resides down here *points at Medusa* *shudders*
Medusa: HEY WATCH IT CORPSE-BREATH!
H: I rest my case…
PP: Can we please settle down, we still need to wait for Pit to come back from that Boss Battle Royale. He should be losing to the Chaos Kin any second now, so let’s just all behave like the Divine beings we are.
P: Ugh stupid Chaos Kin. That over grown cockroach always seems to get the best of me. AND I WAS SO CLOSE TO BEATING IT THIS TIME!
DP: Oh boohoo Chicken Wings get over it.
P: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!
PP: Pittoo was that really necessary?
DP: Could you stop calling me that?! And yes it was necessary…
PP: Anyways, I’ve gathered you all here for some devastating news from the human realm.
V: THEY’RE OUT OF KALE AREN’T THEY!
PP: No Viridi it’s not that it’s –
V: OH NO THEY’RE GONNA TAKE AWAY THE VEGAN OPTIONS FROM CRAFTS SERVICE TABLE AGAIN AREN’T THEY! I CAN’T SURVIVE OFF OF CHEESY POTATOES ANYMORE!!!!
PP: *augggggghhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr* WOULD YOU SHUT IT YOU NATURE OBSESSED BRAT!
*Everyone stares at the angered Palutena*
PP: Sorry there, I just lost my composure that’s all. Anyways, no it’s not that. I’ve got news that Satoru Iwata has just died recently.
*Everyone but Viridi gasps*
V: Yah and?
P: Viridi you do know who Iwata is right?
V: Some human I would guess. Why should I care if he died or not, he’s just some pest of a human anyways.
DP: You’ve really got to be kidding right now Vi.
V: What?
H: Oh you sweet, ignorant child. Let me grace you with some knowledge passed down from some of the greatest Underworld scholars, presented by the greatest of them all, ME! It all started when a young boy named Satoru Iwata had a dream…
*Cue hour-long presentation of the history of all things Iwata and Kid Icarus*
H: And now hopefully this drives Sakurai to making another game for us to be in, maybe one where I can contemplate the universe while staring at some bananas.
V: Oooooooooohhhhhh that guy.
H: Yes dear, he’s “that guy”. Not that our dear flower child has been educated, I’ll return the floor to you Miss Palutena.
PP: Okay then, thank you Hades. Never thought I’d say that. Now that we have established who Iwata is, we can move on to planning something to honor him. Especially after all he’s done for us.
V: I stand by what I said before. Why should I care for some worthless human, even if he is partially responsible for our own creation?
P: VIRIDI YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT ABOUT SOMEONE LIKE IWATA!
H: How about I handle his transition to the world of not-so-living? I can easily get Amazon Pandora to use her newfound “assests” to assist his spirit to move on from their puny world. I feel he would be more than happy to have Ms. Fan-service aid him in crossing over.
DP: I wouldn’t mind having Pandora as an escort either hehehe
PP: You guys are really disgusting you know?
P: Wait, what does he mean by “escort”?
V: *laughing very violently* PIT YOU’RE SUCH A KID! I’M DYING!
H: Could you please?
V: Excuse me? At least I wasn’t demolished by some kid with glued on wings.
P: Hey this wings are definetly not glued on! Right, Lady Palutena?
PP: Yes he’s correct. That aside, I don’t know how I feel about Pandora using her “assets” to guide one of the most important people in our own existence to our divine home.
H: Palutena it’s either in through her hole or out through mine HAHA!
PP: Hades you really didn’t say that out loud did you, please tell me you didn’t.
P: Holes? Wait does he mean –
DP: Yes birdbrain. He means that…