Explanation for the title: I'm awful at titles. Feel free to suggest one in the comments below.
Anyway, I finally worked up the courage to post one of the countless chapters ones that I have as saved drafted on Pokebeach. Its rated PG-13 because there is some violence, but its not that bad (no death scenes or anything).
Its appoximately 1300 words.
You'll notice that although it starts out detailed, towards the middle it becomes really vague. This is intentional because I know that I have a hard time finding the motivation to read/write stories with long, boring parts and since this is more of an introduction than a chapter 1 and I don't want to turn people away so I described the "backstory" in as few words as I could.. The next chapter, which I've already begun to work on, should hopefully have a bit more action. So, please comment on how you liked it, and what you would fix. Be brutal on critiquing my story becauseI have no feelings I want to improve my writing skills as much as possible.
Anyway, I finally worked up the courage to post one of the countless chapters ones that I have as saved drafted on Pokebeach. Its rated PG-13 because there is some violence, but its not that bad (no death scenes or anything).
Bent low, a boy with long, dusty blond hair crawled slowly through the undergrowth. The long grass tickled his belly, forcing him to muster all of his self-control to creep silently forward. A strong breeze gusted through the grass and he lay flat, letting it pass over him. When it stopped, the boy resumed his seemingly infinitely slow movement forwards. At last, he reached the end of the grass and saw before him a clearing and a gray and black pup lying on its back, basking in the sun. With a snarl, the boy pounced on the pup, and with a yip the pup rolled over and pinned the boy down. They tussled like this for several minutes, then sat up abruptly, Pokemon and human panting. The boy smiled suddenly and with a yip the Poochyena jumped on him again and they play-fought for a few more minutes. This went on for nearly half an hour, then the boy lay down on his back and the Poochyena stood over him triumphantly, barking to show its satisfaction.
Staring towards the sun, the boy decided that it was getting late. He sat up abruptly and turned toward the forest. The Poochyena followed his gaze, then the friends got up and bounded through the undergrowth simultaneously. They both knew how far the sounds of them tramping through the grass would carry but were not afraid; this was their territory and they were not afraid to rub it in. The trees around them blurred into a streak of green and brown. The early morning dew glistened, the sky shone a benevolent blue, and the sun's fervor gave them warmth.
As they entered a larger clearing the Poochyena barked thrice and some Mightyena turned to see the arrivals. Exhausted from their run through the forest, the Poochyena and boy lay down to sleep. It was approaching that time of day when the sun's beating fury would force the thick-furred Mightyena to find some shade and rest as well; otherwise they risked overheating and dehydration.
A web of green hung far overhead. Stupefied by having just escaped the clutches of sleep, the boy lay staring upwards for several minutes. Finally a thought crossed his head: What had woken him up? He blinked once, sniffed, and suddenly was overwhelmed. Staggering, he sat up and there it was again; the acrid smell of smoke. By living with the pack, he had learned to hone his sense of smell. It was nowhere near that of the dark Pokemon, but it was good enough that he could tell where the smell was coming from.
He dashed through the burning trees. His nostrils filled with the smell of acrid smoke and he choked on the gray soot. A tree creaked and crashed into the forest behind him, sending arcs of smoke spiraling into the sky. At last, the boy rounded a bend and saw at the edge of the forest a massive red and yellow Pokemon whose body seemed to be made of fire and whose hands seemed to be cannons. Yelling, he raced forward and punched the Magmortar in the face, and at once his hand turned red and burned. He turned and saw a man dressed in red and black with a symbol on his hat that depicted a black x over a Pikachu. The boy turned and charged at the man, tackling him and punching him in the face repeatedly with his good hand. The man tried to command his Magmortar but the boy punched the man's mouth and all that came out was a trickle of blood. The man reached onto his belt and managed to touch the release button on one of his Pokeballs and the boy was flung backwards in a flash of white light. When the boy's vision cleared, a yellow and blue wolf was standing over him with an aura of electricity surrounding it. The Manectric opened its mouth and the electricity flowed into an orb in front of it. The Manectric then roared and a burst of energy slammed into the boy, flinging him onto the ground and scalding the grass he lay in.
The man slowly got up and moaned from the pain. He called back both of his Pokemon and awkwardly trotted away, leaving an inferno to ravage the forest and death to take the boy. When the police arrived they might find some DNA samples, but at that point he didn't care-it wasn't like he was going to show up in any of their records anyway.
Amazingly, he had survived. The boy awoke once to see a swarm of gray pass before his vision; then he passed out. It went on like this for several days, maybe longer, he had no clue; at last he was aware of a faint babble of noise. Every time he woke up the noises were more and more distinct, then he was finally able to open his eyes. His eyes, unused to seeing, registered little but specs of light, but after a few seconds his vision cleared a bit and he could hear the clear babble of noises. He seemed to be laying down and before him were several creatures with strangely pinkish skin and smooth white fur. The babble of noises came again, this time more distinct than ever, and the boy could tell it was the creatures in white who were making the noises. Something about the noises seemed nostalgic to him, and brought him a feeling of comfort. He drifted off again.
* * *
Slowly but surely the boy had relearned the human language. He was called Selvaggio by them, they said it had something to do with the wild and he didn't question them further about it. Eventually, he had been able to leave the hospital, and as he walked down the streets he saw on a large screen news that brought back jarring memories.
His forest was not the only one to go. Forest fires had been destroying habitats for Pokemon all over the region. Finally, the people has suspected that it was terrorist activity and large forces of police and Pokemon rangers were assigned to guard the habitats left. As soon as he heard it Selvaggio raced for the nearest forest. He was denied entry by the guards but hung around for many days attempting to get in. Eventually, he decided that he was not going to get in and left. For a long time, he journeyed around the region, training with any wild Pokemon he found, preparing for his revenge; the confrontation with the man who had destroyed his home and his family.
After a time, Selvaggio came across a small village and stopped by. What he heard devastated him. The people had begun to forget what threatened the Pokemon habitats and became sick of spending taxes to pay rangers who sat around a forest and chatted all day. To increase their popularity with the people in hopes that they would be reelected, the government had done as the people asked and removed the Pokemon rangers. The last of them left the habitats just a week before and the following day the Pokemon habitats burned to the ground. Upon hearing this Selvaggio let out an unearthly howl that seemed to be a mixture of a roar of fury and a moaning of intense pain. Still emitting this strange noise, he ran for the wilderness and was never seen again.
An older boy wearing a cloak of fur smeared with berry juice to represent the coloration of a Mightyena looked up at the building with a massive symbol of a black x covering a Pikachu. Memories flooded through him, and left abruptly. Fury blanked out his brain; the desire for revenge covered up his heart. He punched the glass window and it shattered into infinitesimal pieces.
Staring towards the sun, the boy decided that it was getting late. He sat up abruptly and turned toward the forest. The Poochyena followed his gaze, then the friends got up and bounded through the undergrowth simultaneously. They both knew how far the sounds of them tramping through the grass would carry but were not afraid; this was their territory and they were not afraid to rub it in. The trees around them blurred into a streak of green and brown. The early morning dew glistened, the sky shone a benevolent blue, and the sun's fervor gave them warmth.
As they entered a larger clearing the Poochyena barked thrice and some Mightyena turned to see the arrivals. Exhausted from their run through the forest, the Poochyena and boy lay down to sleep. It was approaching that time of day when the sun's beating fury would force the thick-furred Mightyena to find some shade and rest as well; otherwise they risked overheating and dehydration.
* * *
A web of green hung far overhead. Stupefied by having just escaped the clutches of sleep, the boy lay staring upwards for several minutes. Finally a thought crossed his head: What had woken him up? He blinked once, sniffed, and suddenly was overwhelmed. Staggering, he sat up and there it was again; the acrid smell of smoke. By living with the pack, he had learned to hone his sense of smell. It was nowhere near that of the dark Pokemon, but it was good enough that he could tell where the smell was coming from.
He dashed through the burning trees. His nostrils filled with the smell of acrid smoke and he choked on the gray soot. A tree creaked and crashed into the forest behind him, sending arcs of smoke spiraling into the sky. At last, the boy rounded a bend and saw at the edge of the forest a massive red and yellow Pokemon whose body seemed to be made of fire and whose hands seemed to be cannons. Yelling, he raced forward and punched the Magmortar in the face, and at once his hand turned red and burned. He turned and saw a man dressed in red and black with a symbol on his hat that depicted a black x over a Pikachu. The boy turned and charged at the man, tackling him and punching him in the face repeatedly with his good hand. The man tried to command his Magmortar but the boy punched the man's mouth and all that came out was a trickle of blood. The man reached onto his belt and managed to touch the release button on one of his Pokeballs and the boy was flung backwards in a flash of white light. When the boy's vision cleared, a yellow and blue wolf was standing over him with an aura of electricity surrounding it. The Manectric opened its mouth and the electricity flowed into an orb in front of it. The Manectric then roared and a burst of energy slammed into the boy, flinging him onto the ground and scalding the grass he lay in.
The man slowly got up and moaned from the pain. He called back both of his Pokemon and awkwardly trotted away, leaving an inferno to ravage the forest and death to take the boy. When the police arrived they might find some DNA samples, but at that point he didn't care-it wasn't like he was going to show up in any of their records anyway.
* * *
Amazingly, he had survived. The boy awoke once to see a swarm of gray pass before his vision; then he passed out. It went on like this for several days, maybe longer, he had no clue; at last he was aware of a faint babble of noise. Every time he woke up the noises were more and more distinct, then he was finally able to open his eyes. His eyes, unused to seeing, registered little but specs of light, but after a few seconds his vision cleared a bit and he could hear the clear babble of noises. He seemed to be laying down and before him were several creatures with strangely pinkish skin and smooth white fur. The babble of noises came again, this time more distinct than ever, and the boy could tell it was the creatures in white who were making the noises. Something about the noises seemed nostalgic to him, and brought him a feeling of comfort. He drifted off again.
* * *
Slowly but surely the boy had relearned the human language. He was called Selvaggio by them, they said it had something to do with the wild and he didn't question them further about it. Eventually, he had been able to leave the hospital, and as he walked down the streets he saw on a large screen news that brought back jarring memories.
His forest was not the only one to go. Forest fires had been destroying habitats for Pokemon all over the region. Finally, the people has suspected that it was terrorist activity and large forces of police and Pokemon rangers were assigned to guard the habitats left. As soon as he heard it Selvaggio raced for the nearest forest. He was denied entry by the guards but hung around for many days attempting to get in. Eventually, he decided that he was not going to get in and left. For a long time, he journeyed around the region, training with any wild Pokemon he found, preparing for his revenge; the confrontation with the man who had destroyed his home and his family.
After a time, Selvaggio came across a small village and stopped by. What he heard devastated him. The people had begun to forget what threatened the Pokemon habitats and became sick of spending taxes to pay rangers who sat around a forest and chatted all day. To increase their popularity with the people in hopes that they would be reelected, the government had done as the people asked and removed the Pokemon rangers. The last of them left the habitats just a week before and the following day the Pokemon habitats burned to the ground. Upon hearing this Selvaggio let out an unearthly howl that seemed to be a mixture of a roar of fury and a moaning of intense pain. Still emitting this strange noise, he ran for the wilderness and was never seen again.
* * *
An older boy wearing a cloak of fur smeared with berry juice to represent the coloration of a Mightyena looked up at the building with a massive symbol of a black x covering a Pikachu. Memories flooded through him, and left abruptly. Fury blanked out his brain; the desire for revenge covered up his heart. He punched the glass window and it shattered into infinitesimal pieces.
Its appoximately 1300 words.
You'll notice that although it starts out detailed, towards the middle it becomes really vague. This is intentional because I know that I have a hard time finding the motivation to read/write stories with long, boring parts and since this is more of an introduction than a chapter 1 and I don't want to turn people away so I described the "backstory" in as few words as I could.. The next chapter, which I've already begun to work on, should hopefully have a bit more action. So, please comment on how you liked it, and what you would fix. Be brutal on critiquing my story because
