Writing Viridian City High (Pearlshipping PG-13)

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Sam von Noobenschtein said:
Wait, this story is weird for two reasons ...

1) We suddenly go into a time machine to the age of the cavemen to where their relationship began 0.o
2) Their relationship is defying the laws of physics 0.o

Why would they share a locker :/
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probably because it is considered "romantic" to share a locker.
 
Sam von Noobenschtein said:
You could be right, or, they are defying the laws of physics again ???
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dawnfanboy cleared up the off the floor thing. maybe they are so in lvoe they are flying?;)
 
I've only read the first two chapters, but may I just say that adjective and adverbs are nothing to be afraid of, ok?
 
PG-13 because Ash takes a shower :O

So Dawn is like the uber best student in the world? Whatever happened to realistic conversations? And either everyone knows what an iPod is, or nobody know, I mean... how does Ash not know?

When I saw the 1st chapter, I was like "ok, they're getting longer", but then I saw the 2nd chapter... What's wrong with long chapters? Can you at least call the paragraphs or something, because in my eyes, Chapters are still a couple of pages filled with text, not 10 sentences.
 
HS, Ash isn't the outgoing person like Dawn is. Dawn has a trail of jealous girls. And Ash gets trailed by envious boys, jealous because Ash has a beautiful, smart girlfriend in Dawn
 
Dawnfanboy said:

"Okay, let's just stop at our locker for our gym clothes" Dawn replied (yes, they share a locker)
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Does anyone else here notice what is wrong with this statement?
 
Well, usually you keep your gym clothes in your gym locker. And your gym locker is in the locker room. And once getting your gym clothes, you usually change into your gym clothes.
 
Lol, I mean, they are 18. Don't you think, they, um...you know, never mind. It is still a little awkward...
 
They don't have gym lockers. They keep their clothes in their bookbags or in Dawn and Ash's case, their locker
 
That's just, :/

Why would people bother putting sweaty clothes in a bookbags and make the books all well, :/
 
can't wait! since you are popular, can you take a look at my story, i need help
 
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