Writing Waves

SavatheWolf

SavatheWolf

Running with wild Pokemon and wolves
Member
A quick note before reading!

I decided to check out the writers' corner, as I wanted to be around pokebeach more, and I needed something to motivate me to log in more often. Quite a lot do I go "Oh I really should post on this..." and then I am lazy. I have been thinking about doing a story on pokemon, and well I figured it's time I got started. Please, I honestly would prefer you notto criticize the story, but rather to criticize how I write. Meaning that if I have puncuated something wrong, set something in a wrong paragraph, made a spelling mistake, I broke a rule, you feel I should add a better description, etc., please speak up! Enjoy my story, I will update it hopefully often.

Thank you,

~Sava

Prologue
Chapter One


Waves

Prologue

We walk along the beach, lightly tapping, footprints in the sand. We leave no sound, no hint of laughter that we once filled the whispy air with. Just footprints along the sand, some wet, some sunbaked and dry. Lucky are the ones in the hidden passes, never to be touched by tide. But most stick out like obvious memories. And then they come. The waves. Slowly, lazily, they crawl upward, swiftly erasing the closest prints. Now growing faster, larger, they beat the shore with mighty feet, stampeding over the fragile earth until their is nothing left but a clean slate. Humans and pokemon, dappling the shores, swarm as the tide recedes, splashing new prints, where sparkling crystal pools form homes for small krabs. And all those footprints... are forgotten.


Chapter One

The Beginning

Sparkling dew spattered the grass, lush and full, as I rubbed my grubby face. Blinking wide eyes, my hand hurriedly rushed to my few valuables I carried. I fingered my white necklace, held about my neck on a leather strap. The pendant was exactly at my chest, it's surface smooth and white, like unbroken cloud, and peering through it, I saw the world through a sheet of orange glass. It was a mysterious thing, and I was mystified once every day by the varying color. Sliding my hand slowly down, I gently touched my pokeballs. Sighing, I was relieved to find them still there; for I was in a place where no friendly being lay in waiting to keep me safe.

I myself had engraved the very names which they bore now. Ruff, Ybelle, Howler, Sissy, Jenna, and- I winced, feeling the name carved in the pokeball. The last pokeball. I sniffed, my world now blurry from the tears that threatened to bleed from my eyes. Wiping a hand over my face, I stood up. My clothes were slightly damp from sleeping on the muddy grass, and I relished the warm sun as it slowly began to dry them. Licking my cracked lips, and glanced around for the pool I had seen yesterday, its waters clear, cool, and clean. No brackish hue lurked there. Stooping over it, I began to observe my face.

I was average height, with blue-green eyes, which I've been told could see right through you with just one look. Dark circles shadowed the corners, for I was a night person, always having to sort out some thought or another before sleeping. My hair was drawn back in a nasty rat's nest of a ponytail, and it cascaded and poofed at my shoulders. I wore a black shirt, which was decorated by neon blue stripes, and a few black or neon butterflies. Arm warmers, made of soft cotton, covered my hands up to my elbows. I touched the familiar blue-and-black stripes, and looked down at my muddy blue shorts. Grimacing, I tried to tidy my hair, and in vain scrape the dirt of my fading pants. Plopping back onto the muddy earth, I drew my knees under my chest, wrapping my arms around them and settling my chin on the top. My eyes stared off into the distance as I began to think about the person I once was. And I started at the beginning...


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That is all for now, I am very, very, sleepy and my head hurts. But I just couldn't go to sleep ten minutes ago... I hope you enjoyed my story, I may have more up tomorrow. Please tell me if I made any mistakes!

~Sava
 
Chapter Two

The Real Beginning

Slowly the memories of those first years yielded up before my probing mind. Lightly I thought back to that day. That terrible, wonderful, just plain different day. Sunshine had laid itself across the floors, in our tiny two bedroom house. It was small, and quaint, with handmade furniture and bright, open windows. I was walking in, my eyes still a bit sticky with sleep, and my favorite outfit, the one with the butterflies, pulled on. I walked down the short hallway, glancing at the pictures on the wall.

The first, my mother as a little girl, or around seven, squealing as she hugged her first pokemon, a growlithe name Griffon. The second, a picture of when she had started her pokemon journey, to be the world's best pokemon breeder. She was not the best trainer, indeed she had trained hard, and her pokemon were in tip top condition, but when it came to battling, she never had the strategy talent, nor were her reflexes quick. I stared at the picture for a long time, happily tracing over the details. Her straight brown hair, cut short at the ear, her warm brown eyes.

I moved on to the next frame hanging on the wall, a picture of my father and mother, both in wedding clothes. My father's face, with bright blue eyes and small lines that crinkled when he laughed, and sandy brown hair... I reached up to my own face, just like I did every morning that I realized that it was a copy of his, with a slightly different nose, and a more slender face.

Shaking my head I skipped along to the kitchen to make myself breakfast. I would rather have made french toast, my favorite food, but since I hate cooking, I tipped a bit of cereal into a bowl and splashed in a bit of skim milk. My parents were down the road, at our family breeding center and day care. They would probably be gone most of the day. Sighing, I cupped my hands around my mouth and called out to Griffon, who by now had evolved into Arcanine.

"GRIFFFFFFFFOOOOOON! BREEEEAAAAKKKFAAAST!" I hollered. Griffon was old and tired, his muzzle streaked white with age, his bones creaking with every step, and his head hung low with dull awareness. I frowned, wondering if he was also going deaf. Grunting, I got up, tossing my bowl in the sink. "Griffon, where are you?!" I called. Passing my parents' room, I spotted a clump a fluffy tan fur, the remnants of a long-ago tail, sticking out from behind my parents' bed. "There you are!" I cried triumphantly, and darted around the side of the bed. "You lazy lump!" I muttered, peering into his face.

But I fell silent, as I noticed something strange. For one thing, he was silent, no muffled breathes were coming from his fluffy mouth, his fur looked duller than usual, and he wasn't responding to her voice. Sinking to my knees, I wondered if he was sick. He had been catching things a lot lately, from flu to fleas, ticks to heartworm. I reached out my hand, running it along his spine. His fur was ice cold... dead cold. "Griffon..." I whimpered, "please, wake up!" a sob caught at my throat, and I threw my arms around his still body. "Oh Griffon!" I wailed. Sniveling, I cried shamelessly, snot crusting at my nose. I wailed my heart out, mourning the lost of my old friend.

I don't know what happened, but I must have fallen asleep at some point, for when I woke up a blanket was laid overtop of me, and although Griffon was still there, his collar had been removed. It was early morning dawn, as I sat up and wiped the crusty goo from my eyes, and massaged the hot skin on my cheeks where the tears had stung. Looking around, I cast my glance upward to the sky. "Let this all be some horrible dream!" I cried. Looking down again, I once more ran a hand over poor Griffon's body. Suddenly, his body began to glow, with a piercing white hotness that blinded me. Shielding my eyes, I recognized the evolution glow, but Griffon had already evolved, and besides, he was dead. How could he evolve while dead?!

Astonishment caught me as a screech echoed in my ears, reverberating through the entire house, made ever louder by some possessed creature giving forth the cry. It sounded vaguely like some sort of bird, yet it was put forth with all the malice of a lion. And then, without notice, it was gone, and the room was left silent. I clasped my hands over my ears, trying desperately to stop the horrible ringing in them. Shaking my head slowly, I surveyed the room to make sure nothing was shaken by the sound. A few pictures, a set of keys, and the videophone were shaken loose and onto the floor, other than that nothing had changed. Or so I had thought.

Leaning forward so I could stand up, my elbow bumped against something small, and I turned as I heard an odd sound as it rolled under the bed. Peering down, I noticed with a sense of unease that Griffon's body was gone, just like that. I reached a shaking hand under the folds of the bed skirt, and after getting a grasp on the mysterious object, I withdrew it revealing an egg. A growlithe egg! I ran my hand over the knobbly surface, and breathed in the clean, crisp smell of a newly born egg. Someone, or something, had given me my first pokemon, using the body of my mother's old one. A new generation. "Thank you, whoever you are..." I whispered, and hugging the egg tightly, I started down the road to the family breeding and day care center.
 
Welcome to Pokebeach, Sava! ^^ I'm Apollo, the resident fan fiction mod.

I'm sorry I missed this when I was on earlier, but there are a couple notes I'd like to make. First off, though I'm glad to see someone new take an interest in the Writer's Corner right off the bat, I have to let you know there are a couple ground rules that apply to all fiction posted here (formatting and chapter length being the most important). All chapters (or multi-chapter posts) have to be at least 1000 words (about the equilent of two pages on MS Word) or look as though they're fairly close to that. Also, new paragraphs have to be double spaced (this goes for all new passages of dialogue too). The first doesn't seem to be as much of an issue as the second might be (but then, I'm reading this on my phone's mobile web right now, and it might just be how things look a bit scrunched together to me. If not, could you go back through and fix that issue by spreading out the paragraphs more?). As is, this seems just a little bit rushed or perhaps just a little quick-paced... The prologue seemed to build a small air of mystery, but the first chapter...I'm not really sure how to describe it. I only had a chance to skim through it right this moment, but I feel like there should've been more to it...perhaps a little bit more build in terms of description or narrative detail? I apologize because I'm a little pressed for time at the moment, but I'll try and come back to this later with a better review... Hopefully this helps just a little bit for starters anyways.
 
Sorry, I'll go back and try and fix it a little bit :) Thank you, and it will get a little clearer as the story goes on. My stories almost always start out as a confusing puzzle, so please be patient. And yes, I know it's a bit short, but I will be posting often in an attempt to make the chapters a bit longer. Perhaps it should be "Chapter 1 part 2?" Since it is more like a part 2 to the prologue. Thanks for the input

~Sava


EDIT: Oh and one more thing, this is just the beginning, and you are right, it does build an air of mystery, but the character is thinking back on her memories, as written, so it is going to play out the mystery as it goes along. x3
 
Yeah, I do some fanfics that leave people scratching their heads a little bit too. Just watch out for those few wayward critics who like nitpicking about stuff like that (no one's mean about things here, but you might get nagged about improving stuff from DNA, Zenith, and me if you don't up the quality just a smidge from here on out).
 
Will try, as I said above, "please help point out my mistakes!" I was never good with grammer, paragraphs, essays and such, but I CAN weave a good story. So hopefully with the help of you guys I'll get it right :3
 
I think it would be helpful if you somehow plit the big paragraph in the beginning. I kept finding myself skimming over that, and you don't want your readers to do that.


Also, a link to the art is good, but you don't want to slap the art in front of the readers face, because that distracts the reader.

Beyond that, this looks like it's a good story.
 
Actually I posted the art to help them get a better feel for the character, I did the art before I even started writing this... will do, I will split it up right now. Thanks for the comment!

And yes I would skim through the top to, there's nothing really interesting about it, but it's SLIGHTLY necessary to put there. Meh. I don't write my stories, they write themselves. Thank you for reading, it means so much when you comment!

~Sava

p.s. Starting on chapter 2 now :3 It will help clear things up a bit.
 
Chapter Two

Alone Is A Good Thing

I gently put out a hand, letting the door swing open, and stepped into the brightly lit facility. The wide, spacious area made me feel a bit exposed, and I had mentioned this to my parents more than once. It must have been naptime for the young pokemon, for they were stretched out in various corners, peacefully sleeping away the day's training. My Dad was tip-toeing among them, trying to tidy up in the few moments he had while they slept. "Oh, hi Sava!" he whispered, "How are you doing?" his kind eyes gently searching. "A bit better." I mumbled. "How's Mom?" Now his kind smile creased with worry lines, and he shrugged. "She'll be okay." his eyes rested on the egg which I carried, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Where'd you get that?" he asked, reaching out to take it. I tightened my arms around my precious bundle, and recounted the events which had occurred.
 
Going off what aggiegwyn said: It's not a requirement to post links to related artwork you share in your stories, but it is strongly encouraged that you use them rather than Image-tagged ones. From my own experience with my story Feral Twilight and its added Fakedex, I can tell you it looks better, if not more professional, to just use links (especially if your images tend to be large).
 
Sorry I'll fix it later. I've been really sick and I haven't had time to post the next bit of story, I'll get to it soon. I should have it up tomorrow, I have tons of stuff to catch up on. (Worst part about being sick is all the stuff you have to make up afterword, groooan)
 
Whenever you get to things is fine, Sava. I was just wondering if you hadn't just decided to let this go, as a lot of people do. There's no set set timescale for chapter updates, just so long as you're actually making one. Bumping's fine too in this forum, but make sure you note that it's a bump and have a good reason for reviving your thread (it hasn't been two weeks since my last post, but I just wanted to let you know that there's some lenience to the forum-specific rules within reason).

Also, I hope you feel better soon, since you said you're sick (that's never fun, is it...?).
 
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