Anyone got any funny quotes?

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Gamefreak734

Gamefreak734

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Do you have any funny quotes? If so post them here. Here's some of mine:

“Alcohol is not the answer, but it does help you forget the question.”

“Come to the dark side, we have cookies”

Have you got any?
 
"I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."-Colonel Sanders.

"I like to picture Jesus with golden angel wings while singing lead vocals for Leonard Skinner with an Angel Band. And I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk." Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights: The ballad of Ricky Bobby

"Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb." Dark Helmet, Spaceballs.
 
" Im not offended by homosexuality, back in the 60's I made love to many women mostly outdoors and in the rain, and theres a possibility a man slipped in...there would be no way of knowing."
-Creed The Office
 
''Practice makes perfect, but if you can't be perfect, then why practice?''
''I'm not racist. I don't care if you're malay, chinese, indian or anything else. I treat you all like crap{he used a fouler word, but this is a public forum.}''
 
Ok my math class has a bunch of them on the wall for bonus, here is some I remeber.
"Vegitarians dont hate meat, they hate plants."
"Some people are like slinkies, not really good for anything. But they always bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs."
"After two years of therapy my theripist said something that brought a tear to my eye, "No hablo ingles."

Those are just a some off the top of my head
 
Here are some more I've got:

"I'm illiterate, I read it in the dictionairy"

"Save trees, eat beavers"

"Take revenge, poop on a pigeon"
 
"The party-planning commity has been working 24/7 all day yesterday to get this ready."
-Michal The Offic
 
The latest survey says that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
I don't remember being absent-minded.
I have not lost my mind: it's backed up on a disk somewhere.
A rose by any other name would likely be "deadly thorn-bearing assault vegetation."
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence you tried.
Yo-yo: an object that is occasionally up but normally down (see also: computer).
Beware the letter "G." It is the end of everything.
I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa.
Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is.
I used to have a handle on life; then it broke.
If dogs are so loyal, why did mine sell me out to the Russians last week?
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
In dog years, I'm dead
 
Lol my math teacher isn't the nicest person, he has some mean/funny quotes though

"Alex I swear if you raise your hand one more time I'm going to rip it off and beat you with it" - exact quote, no exageration (we keep a paper with all of these:p)

"We started class five minutes ago, what could you possibly want fish lips!"

"She just fell straight to the ground, and I started laughing like crazy! I would of helped her up but it was funnier with her on the ground" -during a story he was telling us about his early years of teaching:p

During a test, the room is silent, everyone is focused. He is walking around looking like a normal teacher does when all of a sudden "AHHHHHHHHHHH" He yells so loud and then bursts out laughing. Half the class jumped 20 feet in the air, including me:p

I have some more, but our math teacher isn't exactly the most "appropriate" guy in the world, so we will leave it at that!
 
DogMaster40 said:
The latest survey says that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
I don't remember being absent-minded.
I have not lost my mind: it's backed up on a disk somewhere.
A rose by any other name would likely be "deadly thorn-bearing assault vegetation."
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence you tried.
Yo-yo: an object that is occasionally up but normally down (see also: computer).
Beware the letter "G." It is the end of everything.
I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa.
Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is.
I used to have a handle on life; then it broke.
If dogs are so loyal, why did mine sell me out to the Russians last week?
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
In dog years, I'm dead
Click to expand...

You got those from your school aganda didnt you -_-
 
Our math teacher is also weird and somewhat funny here is one of his quotes (though it may seem weird/corny)

" It took me 5-10 minutes to wait for you to pray and yet the prayer was only 10 seconds long? I want a paryer as long as the time i waited for you guys to get ready"

Its a bit paraphrased/translated since he used native language

The prayer was "Glory be to the Father, Son Holy spirit......amen"
 
Here are some funny quotes I've heard from my school:

Student: "Look, there's an Ambulance outside."
World Experience Teacher: "Would you like to go see that Ambulance?"

Substitue World Experience Teacher: "Chuck Norris is the ultimate example of everything."

English Teacher: "Here's your homework over vacation. Be sure to write it down in your agendas, because I know you're all going to do this Sunday Night right before school starts again."

Student: (On a subject concerning water) "How do you know the water does that?"
Science Teacher: "Didn't you know? I can breathe underwater. It's my superpower."
 
Well in my school we had a hilarious joke that totally PWNED someone.

Gavin: "snooker cues are not very useful unless its for snooker"
Mark: " No way these could be used as A DEADLY WEAPON OF TORTURE" (lol)
Gavin: " Ha! So's you're face!!!"

Mark got OWNED bad :D
 
Ok sence people are doing teacher quotes I have some from my physics teacher! Remeber this is physics, some may not get all this

Walkerisms

"Penguins have friction."

Beka "When will I ever use this, Im not a satalite in space!"
Walker "Not yet."

"Vectors are everything, except when they are scalers"

Ill get some off my friend who ahs about 20 written down, but more from my math class!

"Change is unevitable, except from a vending machine."

Confusous say, "Man who farts in church, sits in his own pew."

"Math is Fun!" <---That is a quote off the wall

"Someone who smiles after doign somehting wrong has found someone to blame it on."
 
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