Writing Becoming Civilized (Inactive)
- Thread starter Zyflair
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RE: Becoming Civilized
Laria yelped and quickly pulled the fallen lettuce off of her keyboard after placing her bitten sandwich aside. Snatching a tissue from her pack, she wiped off as much mayonnaise as possible off the keyboard. The Leafeon picked up the wrap with her paws and took another small bite, making sure not to get anything on the keyboard again (she then considered whether it was a good idea to have a laptop out in a cafeteria with all the food around). Once satisfied, she set it down and resumed typing a bit anxiously; it's been two hours, and she had got no call. Ironically, her phone rang during her worries, and she quickly answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Laria Hirsute?"
"This is. Who is speaking?"
"Thomas Mendel, a friend of Professor Taka." That immediately lighted Laria's mood; perhaps the old giraffe found someone interested in her project. Indeed, the speaker confirmed her hopes, "I have heard you are intending to conduct field research for statistical data on several rare plants."
"That is correct," she replied, trying to cap her excitement.
"May I see you as soon as possible today? I would like to talk with you before the day ends. How about within an hour? It's not far from here and I can send you directions via email." Today. She was going to start this business today. How much better could this get?
"That will be fine," she answered.
"Good. What is your email?" the caller asked. Laria quickly told him, her voice slightly strained from trying not to blurting out anything unnecessary in joy. "Thank you. I'll meet you in the lobby. Good-bye."
"Good-bye," she couldn't help but let out a small squeal after she hanged up.
In haste, she switched to her email and indeed found the address. Memorizing it, Laria turned off her laptop and set the rest of her sandwich into the plastic box she brought with her (to save for dinner as she eats very little). Her paws set both items into her backpack, zipped up that pack, swung it around to her back to be carried, and absconded from the cafeteria, all without hesitation, almost a furry blur for anyone looking.
The research facility loomed over Laria as she walked to the entrance, the Leafeon marveling at the vastness of its entity: the huge main building hiding her own shadow, the towering silos stacked up in rows behind the main building, the wide greenhouses constantly under care by scientists that work there, the shady warehouses in the corner mysteriously hiding whatever they were made to, the convoluted pathways connecting to each of the buildings, all of it casted the illusion of petiteness around her; even though she was above average in size, such large buildings treated her as a rose petal on the ground in the middle of a crowd: insignificant and ignored, in spite of its indescribable beauty.
Tall double doors automatically opened as she approached, startling her. However, they remained open, and Laria stepped forward, fearing they'll close the moment she steps in between the animated glass walls. The lobby security behind the counter noticed her and motioned her to come in.
"It's fine. They aren't going to hurt you or anything," the Machamp gruffly assured, not keep his eyes off of her as the hesitant Leafeon walked in. "What are you here for?"
"I am to see Mr. Thomas Mendel," she replied, not realizing her nervousness vastly formalized her speech. Her body shivered in the unusually cold air; the air conditioning blasting in this building more suited a Glaceon, though the Machamp showed no signs of being affected.
"Alright. Let me get him." he picked up the phone and dialed a number, holding it to his ear. "Hey, there's a young Leafeon waiting for you. Yeah. Alright."
He placed the phone back.
"He's heading down right now. Should be here any moment now." Laria nodded, and continued to fidget. Sure enough, a Floatzel walked within a few minutes, a white lab coat indicating his profession. Clear silver-framed glasses hanged from a gold bead chain around his neck. His awkward steps, short stature and scruffy fur signified a shortage of exercise and nutrition; Laria found herself blinking in mild confusion as she stared slightly down at him, who offered his paw.
"Laria, right?" The Leafeon took it and lightly shook it in fear of breaking his wrist. His scratchy voice didn't even remotely resemble that on the phone.
"Ummm... I-"
"Mr. Mendel is too busy and had sent me in his place."
"Oh." The Leafeon might as well have been disguised with the dumbfounded stillness she displayed. However, the Floatzel did not notice her surprised expression and walked off.
“This way, please.” Laria shook out of her stupor and followed, wondering why Mr. Mendel would invite her if he was so busy. They watched down a white hallway, completely bland except for the overhead incandescent lighting and the equally-white sliding doors, which were only distinguishable from the walls with its tiny cracks and handles. Laria thus only focused most of her attention on the Floatzel, as no one met them along the way. The short weasel, with his aged fur, moved casually, his feet weakly shifting forward as if cleaning the floor with a wet towel under him. His back was bent (and probably also was as worn) as an old spoon roughly overused.
After about two short minutes of walking, the Floatzel stopped and opened one of the doors, revealing a meeting room, complete with a long table, pens attached to it, rolling chairs under it, and a projector above it. Laria walked in and arbitrarily sat down at a seat, waiting for the Floatzel to sit down on the other side, facing her.
"So, where exactly are you planning to begin research?" Laria quickly considered her possible choices before answering, paw automatically at her chin as she thought. She moved it back down with her other paw as she spoke.
"The jungle. It's the most promising and if my project gets cut short, I'll at least have much more information." The Floatzel nodded.
"I was hoping you'd say that; the institution was looking for a geographical layout of the jungle down south of Salemn. We had already talked with the government over there and gotten permission." Laria's ears twitched in excitement: so this could be done. She decided to press for a few more details.
"Have preparations already been made?" The Floatzel nodded to that question. "Oh, and what will the institution have a claim of from this research?"
"Nothing but where you went and a title to sponsorship." Laria blinked at the response. They just wanted to know how to navigate through the jungle. Were they going to partake in their own research after her? Well, they probably didn't expect much from her and would send out a full research team later on. The Floatzel figured that Laria had no more questions and opened a drawer.
"Let's get the paperwork out of the way, alright?" Laria nodded and took the first sheet handed to her...
Five days had passed since that day. Much had to be done, such as preparation of all of the essential tools for research and survival, food needs to be brought, facts and traits of the jungle needed to be familiarized for important decisions, survival tactics - not to mention a muscle-soring conditioning for the body. Along the way, a constant anxiety hung over the Leafeon's head: what if this got canceled, or what if something goes wrong along the way? Even more, Mr. Mendel had not contacted her a second time. Nothing was certain.
She came back to the institute, lead upstairs by a scientist assigned to her. The routine had went through her head for the fifth time: they do a quick run-through of all supplies, board the aerial vehicle known as a helicopter, travel south until they reach over the borders of the jungle, and she'll leave the helicopter via parachute. The helicopter will land outside of the jungle, but would set up camp in case she encounters trouble. They would constantly monitor her location and movement; if she stopped for more than an hour out of the sleeping schedule, they would attempt to contact her to make sure everything was fine.
Inspection of the equipment and the checklist inventory of the supplies took a tedious hour, as no spare research equipment will be brought to the helicopter, forcing a last moment check that everything works; from the precise psychrometer to even the compass. However, everything passed without any issues after the constant checking, and she was escorted to the roof of the building. They opened the door.
Laria quickly shielded her eyes as bright sunlight harshly greeted her, her left paw quickly readjusting the pack strap as her right held in place until she adapted to the sudden lighting change. Despite the glaring contrast, she could still see it, that large metal pod with several long blades attached to it, the large metal pod she was going into to get to the jungle.
She stepped in as they opened the large door, looking around even having seen the interior. To her right, the privileged cockpit was, equipped with various controls and a black plastic handle rounded so it resembled a big 'H' with its leg bent to the center such that it would perfectly fit in a circle. At the seat sat the pilot, a Swampert, his hands tapping on the arm rests, staring to nothing particular in front of him. Laria could only guess how long he was sitting there, waiting to do his job.
She walked to her left, taking the smallest of the six leather seats and strapping on the belt as she was instructed earlier. The passengers area faced almost absolute bareness except for the back, where dozens of crates laid, stacked and strapped.
The five remaining passengers, the rescue crew for her, sat at their respective seats, and silently remained sitting as the helicopter took off.
Because the helicopter was designed without windows for the passengers, only the pilot could tell when it was time for Laria to depart. Thus, for the next few hours, Laria could only anxiously wait as they traveled from Rogu to Salemn to the unknown lands.
"Alright," called the pilot, "it's time to go." Laria got up after she undid her seat belt. The door whooshed as she open it an the sight of the jungle below was unveiled at last: nothing but the landscape of treetop in every direction she could see from.
Swallowing a nervous gulp, she crouched for the jump. Yet before she jumped, a deafening crack was instantly followed by the helicopter jerking back. The sudden change of force sent the unaware Leafeon tumbling out into the air. Her vision blurred as she rolled dizzily. Though she was downright frightened, her adrenaline prevented paralysis and forced her paw to grab the metal ring at the side of the pack and pull.
The parachute deployed at perfect timing, pulling Laria up and straightening her from the aerial spinning. She was also facing the helicopter at that time to watch its horrible downfall: The tail rotor completely smashed, metal pieces flying about until it was no more, the tail itself completely bent, the helicopter spun wildly, tilting drastically until it crashed into the treetops on its side. But even more importantly, she vaguely spotted at the side some retreating monster, green and long a gash near the top of it.
Before she could see more, Laria's view suddenly went from that of the treetops to hundreds of branches and leaves.
The dirt was the first thing that she saw when her conscious being returned. However, the first she felt was pain; everywhere, she felt cut and bruised, and also had no remembrance of her fall. Even each breath sent a searing fire of agony through her body, indicating that a few ribs were broken. She groaned and tried to see her surroundings, tilting her head up.
Plants. Everywhere. The lush green of leaves and vines and the hearty brown of bark dominated all other colors in view. Nothing moved in her sight. Yet her tail felt a small trickling of water, causing her to awkwardly turn her head around to see the source: a huge leaf with a small pool of water stored its curly edges. The stalk that supported the leaf was noticeably cracked, leading Laria to realize her good fortune: she fell onto the edge of the leaf, softening her fall, but the force was too much for the stem and it gave way, tilting the leaf down to let her safely fall a few feet. Since the leaf was then pointing downward, the stored water started to trickle out of it. Furthermore, her fur was undoubtedly soaked, meaning that she definitely landed straight into the pool of stored water. Better to fall again than to drown, unconscious. With such a large leaf and with so little water left, who knew how many hours she laid there out cold?
She tried to get up on all fours, but every section of her body rebelled, burning with pain as she struggled with the moving. Just as she managed to stand, her front right leg collapsed and she stumbled forward falling back down to the ground. In addition, her head slammed into a small tree, adding another item to her list of hurt areas. She cried from the sudden impact, bringing her two paws up to rub the hit area, when she heard a small thud and rustle. Managing to turn her sore head to the left, Laria could not believe her constant good fortune: a Sitrus berry; she ran straight into a Sitrus tree. She slowly grabbed it with her aching paw and took a small bite out of it. Her teeth easily pierced its soft skin and carved out a section of the fruit. The juice erupted into her mouth, and she closed her eyes, tasting its familiar sourness...
"Mother," cried a young Eevee, no older than eleven. "There's a popsicle stand over there. May I please have one?"
The Glaceon stopped walking and turned to look off, seeing the stand, its wheels softly clattering against the rough stone path of the park. Though the leaves of trees around were darkened and dropping to their earthly graves, the air felt unusually warm. She sighed.
"Laria, you know better to have such sugary foods." The Eevee looked down, already having several counter-arguments in her head, but not daring to say even one. The stand owner, however, noticed them and turned to their direction when he reached the fork.
"Good afternoon," the seller said to the Glaceon. "Your child seems a bit down."
"Oh, it's fine. She'll get over it," she replied, irritated at the marketing attempt. "Come, Laria." The Eevee felt her paw pulled as the Glaceon started to walk, but the businessman proved to be stubborn for a different reason.
"You think she'll cheer up with a popsicle? My treat." He even opened up to fetch something. The Glaceon would have none of such unhealthy food.
"That's too kind-"
"Yes please," Laria interjected, leaving the Glaceon to glare at her child. The Eevee, however, decided that the sweet would be worth the later punishment. The man laughed and asked her what flavor she'd like, and her vague reply was something sour, due to her lack of knowledge of the kinds he had. He laughed once more and handed her a Sitrus flavored one, to which she opened with delight and began to eat until the man was out of sight, when her mother then pried the popsicle out of her hands and dumped it into the nearest trash can.
Laria was hardly aware of the tears dropping from her chin as she devoured the rest of the berry; the actual thing was much more tender and vastly more sour. Her hunger was hardly defeated, as she got up with newfound energy, shaking the tree for another one. She got two more and quickly consumed at the same rate as the first. So good... she blissfully noted as she finished the third one, licking off remaining juices off of her paw, which underwent incredible recovery through the savage snacking along with the rest of her refreshed body. She closed her eyes, wet from the tears of joy. Laria didn't want to think about where she was; all she wanted was rest...
... because that was the only thing fitting for such a delicious treat.
~~~~~Chapter Two~~~~~
Laria yelped and quickly pulled the fallen lettuce off of her keyboard after placing her bitten sandwich aside. Snatching a tissue from her pack, she wiped off as much mayonnaise as possible off the keyboard. The Leafeon picked up the wrap with her paws and took another small bite, making sure not to get anything on the keyboard again (she then considered whether it was a good idea to have a laptop out in a cafeteria with all the food around). Once satisfied, she set it down and resumed typing a bit anxiously; it's been two hours, and she had got no call. Ironically, her phone rang during her worries, and she quickly answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Laria Hirsute?"
"This is. Who is speaking?"
"Thomas Mendel, a friend of Professor Taka." That immediately lighted Laria's mood; perhaps the old giraffe found someone interested in her project. Indeed, the speaker confirmed her hopes, "I have heard you are intending to conduct field research for statistical data on several rare plants."
"That is correct," she replied, trying to cap her excitement.
"May I see you as soon as possible today? I would like to talk with you before the day ends. How about within an hour? It's not far from here and I can send you directions via email." Today. She was going to start this business today. How much better could this get?
"That will be fine," she answered.
"Good. What is your email?" the caller asked. Laria quickly told him, her voice slightly strained from trying not to blurting out anything unnecessary in joy. "Thank you. I'll meet you in the lobby. Good-bye."
"Good-bye," she couldn't help but let out a small squeal after she hanged up.
In haste, she switched to her email and indeed found the address. Memorizing it, Laria turned off her laptop and set the rest of her sandwich into the plastic box she brought with her (to save for dinner as she eats very little). Her paws set both items into her backpack, zipped up that pack, swung it around to her back to be carried, and absconded from the cafeteria, all without hesitation, almost a furry blur for anyone looking.
~~~~~~~~
The research facility loomed over Laria as she walked to the entrance, the Leafeon marveling at the vastness of its entity: the huge main building hiding her own shadow, the towering silos stacked up in rows behind the main building, the wide greenhouses constantly under care by scientists that work there, the shady warehouses in the corner mysteriously hiding whatever they were made to, the convoluted pathways connecting to each of the buildings, all of it casted the illusion of petiteness around her; even though she was above average in size, such large buildings treated her as a rose petal on the ground in the middle of a crowd: insignificant and ignored, in spite of its indescribable beauty.
Tall double doors automatically opened as she approached, startling her. However, they remained open, and Laria stepped forward, fearing they'll close the moment she steps in between the animated glass walls. The lobby security behind the counter noticed her and motioned her to come in.
"It's fine. They aren't going to hurt you or anything," the Machamp gruffly assured, not keep his eyes off of her as the hesitant Leafeon walked in. "What are you here for?"
"I am to see Mr. Thomas Mendel," she replied, not realizing her nervousness vastly formalized her speech. Her body shivered in the unusually cold air; the air conditioning blasting in this building more suited a Glaceon, though the Machamp showed no signs of being affected.
"Alright. Let me get him." he picked up the phone and dialed a number, holding it to his ear. "Hey, there's a young Leafeon waiting for you. Yeah. Alright."
He placed the phone back.
"He's heading down right now. Should be here any moment now." Laria nodded, and continued to fidget. Sure enough, a Floatzel walked within a few minutes, a white lab coat indicating his profession. Clear silver-framed glasses hanged from a gold bead chain around his neck. His awkward steps, short stature and scruffy fur signified a shortage of exercise and nutrition; Laria found herself blinking in mild confusion as she stared slightly down at him, who offered his paw.
"Laria, right?" The Leafeon took it and lightly shook it in fear of breaking his wrist. His scratchy voice didn't even remotely resemble that on the phone.
"Ummm... I-"
"Mr. Mendel is too busy and had sent me in his place."
"Oh." The Leafeon might as well have been disguised with the dumbfounded stillness she displayed. However, the Floatzel did not notice her surprised expression and walked off.
“This way, please.” Laria shook out of her stupor and followed, wondering why Mr. Mendel would invite her if he was so busy. They watched down a white hallway, completely bland except for the overhead incandescent lighting and the equally-white sliding doors, which were only distinguishable from the walls with its tiny cracks and handles. Laria thus only focused most of her attention on the Floatzel, as no one met them along the way. The short weasel, with his aged fur, moved casually, his feet weakly shifting forward as if cleaning the floor with a wet towel under him. His back was bent (and probably also was as worn) as an old spoon roughly overused.
After about two short minutes of walking, the Floatzel stopped and opened one of the doors, revealing a meeting room, complete with a long table, pens attached to it, rolling chairs under it, and a projector above it. Laria walked in and arbitrarily sat down at a seat, waiting for the Floatzel to sit down on the other side, facing her.
"So, where exactly are you planning to begin research?" Laria quickly considered her possible choices before answering, paw automatically at her chin as she thought. She moved it back down with her other paw as she spoke.
"The jungle. It's the most promising and if my project gets cut short, I'll at least have much more information." The Floatzel nodded.
"I was hoping you'd say that; the institution was looking for a geographical layout of the jungle down south of Salemn. We had already talked with the government over there and gotten permission." Laria's ears twitched in excitement: so this could be done. She decided to press for a few more details.
"Have preparations already been made?" The Floatzel nodded to that question. "Oh, and what will the institution have a claim of from this research?"
"Nothing but where you went and a title to sponsorship." Laria blinked at the response. They just wanted to know how to navigate through the jungle. Were they going to partake in their own research after her? Well, they probably didn't expect much from her and would send out a full research team later on. The Floatzel figured that Laria had no more questions and opened a drawer.
"Let's get the paperwork out of the way, alright?" Laria nodded and took the first sheet handed to her...
~~~~~~~~
Five days had passed since that day. Much had to be done, such as preparation of all of the essential tools for research and survival, food needs to be brought, facts and traits of the jungle needed to be familiarized for important decisions, survival tactics - not to mention a muscle-soring conditioning for the body. Along the way, a constant anxiety hung over the Leafeon's head: what if this got canceled, or what if something goes wrong along the way? Even more, Mr. Mendel had not contacted her a second time. Nothing was certain.
She came back to the institute, lead upstairs by a scientist assigned to her. The routine had went through her head for the fifth time: they do a quick run-through of all supplies, board the aerial vehicle known as a helicopter, travel south until they reach over the borders of the jungle, and she'll leave the helicopter via parachute. The helicopter will land outside of the jungle, but would set up camp in case she encounters trouble. They would constantly monitor her location and movement; if she stopped for more than an hour out of the sleeping schedule, they would attempt to contact her to make sure everything was fine.
Inspection of the equipment and the checklist inventory of the supplies took a tedious hour, as no spare research equipment will be brought to the helicopter, forcing a last moment check that everything works; from the precise psychrometer to even the compass. However, everything passed without any issues after the constant checking, and she was escorted to the roof of the building. They opened the door.
Laria quickly shielded her eyes as bright sunlight harshly greeted her, her left paw quickly readjusting the pack strap as her right held in place until she adapted to the sudden lighting change. Despite the glaring contrast, she could still see it, that large metal pod with several long blades attached to it, the large metal pod she was going into to get to the jungle.
She stepped in as they opened the large door, looking around even having seen the interior. To her right, the privileged cockpit was, equipped with various controls and a black plastic handle rounded so it resembled a big 'H' with its leg bent to the center such that it would perfectly fit in a circle. At the seat sat the pilot, a Swampert, his hands tapping on the arm rests, staring to nothing particular in front of him. Laria could only guess how long he was sitting there, waiting to do his job.
She walked to her left, taking the smallest of the six leather seats and strapping on the belt as she was instructed earlier. The passengers area faced almost absolute bareness except for the back, where dozens of crates laid, stacked and strapped.
The five remaining passengers, the rescue crew for her, sat at their respective seats, and silently remained sitting as the helicopter took off.
Because the helicopter was designed without windows for the passengers, only the pilot could tell when it was time for Laria to depart. Thus, for the next few hours, Laria could only anxiously wait as they traveled from Rogu to Salemn to the unknown lands.
"Alright," called the pilot, "it's time to go." Laria got up after she undid her seat belt. The door whooshed as she open it an the sight of the jungle below was unveiled at last: nothing but the landscape of treetop in every direction she could see from.
Swallowing a nervous gulp, she crouched for the jump. Yet before she jumped, a deafening crack was instantly followed by the helicopter jerking back. The sudden change of force sent the unaware Leafeon tumbling out into the air. Her vision blurred as she rolled dizzily. Though she was downright frightened, her adrenaline prevented paralysis and forced her paw to grab the metal ring at the side of the pack and pull.
The parachute deployed at perfect timing, pulling Laria up and straightening her from the aerial spinning. She was also facing the helicopter at that time to watch its horrible downfall: The tail rotor completely smashed, metal pieces flying about until it was no more, the tail itself completely bent, the helicopter spun wildly, tilting drastically until it crashed into the treetops on its side. But even more importantly, she vaguely spotted at the side some retreating monster, green and long a gash near the top of it.
Before she could see more, Laria's view suddenly went from that of the treetops to hundreds of branches and leaves.
~~~~~~~~
The dirt was the first thing that she saw when her conscious being returned. However, the first she felt was pain; everywhere, she felt cut and bruised, and also had no remembrance of her fall. Even each breath sent a searing fire of agony through her body, indicating that a few ribs were broken. She groaned and tried to see her surroundings, tilting her head up.
Plants. Everywhere. The lush green of leaves and vines and the hearty brown of bark dominated all other colors in view. Nothing moved in her sight. Yet her tail felt a small trickling of water, causing her to awkwardly turn her head around to see the source: a huge leaf with a small pool of water stored its curly edges. The stalk that supported the leaf was noticeably cracked, leading Laria to realize her good fortune: she fell onto the edge of the leaf, softening her fall, but the force was too much for the stem and it gave way, tilting the leaf down to let her safely fall a few feet. Since the leaf was then pointing downward, the stored water started to trickle out of it. Furthermore, her fur was undoubtedly soaked, meaning that she definitely landed straight into the pool of stored water. Better to fall again than to drown, unconscious. With such a large leaf and with so little water left, who knew how many hours she laid there out cold?
She tried to get up on all fours, but every section of her body rebelled, burning with pain as she struggled with the moving. Just as she managed to stand, her front right leg collapsed and she stumbled forward falling back down to the ground. In addition, her head slammed into a small tree, adding another item to her list of hurt areas. She cried from the sudden impact, bringing her two paws up to rub the hit area, when she heard a small thud and rustle. Managing to turn her sore head to the left, Laria could not believe her constant good fortune: a Sitrus berry; she ran straight into a Sitrus tree. She slowly grabbed it with her aching paw and took a small bite out of it. Her teeth easily pierced its soft skin and carved out a section of the fruit. The juice erupted into her mouth, and she closed her eyes, tasting its familiar sourness...
"Mother," cried a young Eevee, no older than eleven. "There's a popsicle stand over there. May I please have one?"
The Glaceon stopped walking and turned to look off, seeing the stand, its wheels softly clattering against the rough stone path of the park. Though the leaves of trees around were darkened and dropping to their earthly graves, the air felt unusually warm. She sighed.
"Laria, you know better to have such sugary foods." The Eevee looked down, already having several counter-arguments in her head, but not daring to say even one. The stand owner, however, noticed them and turned to their direction when he reached the fork.
"Good afternoon," the seller said to the Glaceon. "Your child seems a bit down."
"Oh, it's fine. She'll get over it," she replied, irritated at the marketing attempt. "Come, Laria." The Eevee felt her paw pulled as the Glaceon started to walk, but the businessman proved to be stubborn for a different reason.
"You think she'll cheer up with a popsicle? My treat." He even opened up to fetch something. The Glaceon would have none of such unhealthy food.
"That's too kind-"
"Yes please," Laria interjected, leaving the Glaceon to glare at her child. The Eevee, however, decided that the sweet would be worth the later punishment. The man laughed and asked her what flavor she'd like, and her vague reply was something sour, due to her lack of knowledge of the kinds he had. He laughed once more and handed her a Sitrus flavored one, to which she opened with delight and began to eat until the man was out of sight, when her mother then pried the popsicle out of her hands and dumped it into the nearest trash can.
Laria was hardly aware of the tears dropping from her chin as she devoured the rest of the berry; the actual thing was much more tender and vastly more sour. Her hunger was hardly defeated, as she got up with newfound energy, shaking the tree for another one. She got two more and quickly consumed at the same rate as the first. So good... she blissfully noted as she finished the third one, licking off remaining juices off of her paw, which underwent incredible recovery through the savage snacking along with the rest of her refreshed body. She closed her eyes, wet from the tears of joy. Laria didn't want to think about where she was; all she wanted was rest...
... because that was the only thing fitting for such a delicious treat.
RE: Becoming Civilized
Something seems a bit off there...
I think ran should be rang.
Of, not or.
_________________
I really liked the chapter! Definitely longer and more exciting. And... it left me wondering what would happen next. I like that. =] Can't wait for more!
RE: Becoming Civilized
1. It's definitely catching! What I liked most was the fact that the first chapters leave you wondering what happened so Laria end up as she was in Prologue. I know it's exactly what she was asked to do... tell her story, but it's so nicely conducted that we can even picture every moment and wonder what's next. Hope to see the next chapters soon! xD
2. Loved the helicopter sequence <3 (is a fan of aerial disasters, for some unknown reason)
3. But I have a question... are the characters regular pokémon or something like anthropomorphic pokémon? Sorry to ask this, but I didn't find anything to clear this out through the reading.
1. It's definitely catching! What I liked most was the fact that the first chapters leave you wondering what happened so Laria end up as she was in Prologue. I know it's exactly what she was asked to do... tell her story, but it's so nicely conducted that we can even picture every moment and wonder what's next. Hope to see the next chapters soon! xD
2. Loved the helicopter sequence <3 (is a fan of aerial disasters, for some unknown reason)
3. But I have a question... are the characters regular pokémon or something like anthropomorphic pokémon? Sorry to ask this, but I didn't find anything to clear this out through the reading.
RE: Becoming Civilized
@squirtli - That is now fixed, thanks. ;D
@Pyrefox - I'm glad someone strongly supported such fast backtrack from one chapter to the next, although it's been done before. And I don't like seeing disasters that much (I am not that desensitized and thus a bit squemish with death), but the aerial scene definitely had to come in. Just relieved I got it looking somewhat decent. ^_^"
Nono, it's fine to ask questions. And as for the answer, you'll see that most of them are anthropomorphic, especially Laria (who could even type on a laptop keyboard with paws!), but there will be a few characters that will definitely act more wild and beatly. It's a style of mine, separating Pokémon characters into two separate groups: those that act humane and civilized, and those that just want to eat you.
Just a quick update. The next installation is going to take a while, due to my failed writing skillz; I just stared my few pages, went "What is this, I don't even," and nuked it for your sake.
@squirtli - That is now fixed, thanks. ;D
@Pyrefox - I'm glad someone strongly supported such fast backtrack from one chapter to the next, although it's been done before. And I don't like seeing disasters that much (I am not that desensitized and thus a bit squemish with death), but the aerial scene definitely had to come in. Just relieved I got it looking somewhat decent. ^_^"
Nono, it's fine to ask questions. And as for the answer, you'll see that most of them are anthropomorphic, especially Laria (who could even type on a laptop keyboard with paws!), but there will be a few characters that will definitely act more wild and beatly. It's a style of mine, separating Pokémon characters into two separate groups: those that act humane and civilized, and those that just want to eat you.
Just a quick update. The next installation is going to take a while, due to my failed writing skillz; I just stared my few pages, went "What is this, I don't even," and nuked it for your sake.
RE: Becoming Civilized
Far be it from me to criticise your use of stuff (given you're much more aware of things that I am), but I'll point out most everything I found unusual. Some I'm sure are genuine errors, other maybe not since I often have an unusual interpretation of English anyhow(most likely because I don't know all the rules inside out...)
This I guess makes sense, but it ends so abruptly... I think the use of ellipses would help that. I had to take a good three looks at that sentence to really make sense of it though, but that is probably just me.
I naturally paused in my reading of that after rational... comma there?
Again, makes sense I know, but... something seems slightly off here. I dunno, I think it's "the" which is offsetting me here; it just ruins the balance of the sentence to me. just switching that last part to ' "thumbs" twiddling. ' or something would make a lot more sense to me.
... "In the process." ? Took and take being so close together seemed a bit odd. You could replace take with grasp or something if you wanted to keep the original line intact.
Personally I took more of a pause here than a comma is meant to imply. So personally I'd add an ellipse there.
Rare slip there
. Although if that line is meant to be in her thoughts, shouldn't it be italicised?
A slightly more general note than just this quote, but I don't feel all that much emotion from this conversation. Surely Laria is getting vexed by her mother's constant (judging by the context this happens every time she phones) nagging to complete things that have such long deadlines? What sort of tone is her mother using throughout this? I know we can infer such things, but it wouldn't be a huge push to add an extra word or two to cement the reader's thoughts on the subject.
. "but she could see no other path" would be more usual I suppose, but this could easily be one of those things that I just don't appreciate so eh.
*other than
Comma after civilized?
Second half seems redundant to me. (But hey, what do I know about that since I say redundant stuff so much myself lol)
*marvelling
Jeeeeeeeeeeez long sentence much? I'm sure it's correct and everything, but man that really took a lot to go through in one shot. You also missed a her in "treated as", and I'm not sure that the bolded had is actually necessary (though that is probably personal pref. yada yada).
I dunno if you just have something against the use of ellipses (I know I probably overuse them but w/e), but I really think one in place of the bolded comma would help to split that sentence up a bit and add to readability.
Either "might as well have been disguised", or "might as well have disguised herself as".
I reckon that there is tense confusion. Unless since it is in her thoughts it's perspective that is confused... however, since the next part of that sentence uses would I think the former is more accurate. So "didn't" is the obvious change.
Again with the paragraph-long sentences, sheesh Zy D:
I think the sentence should stop at the bolded comma. In my mind, the anxiety is a different subject to the preparation Laria is doing, and should be treated as such. And whilst I'm at it, *cancelled
Tense confused again I think... I dunno, since I am not that familiar with the in-depth laws of tense, but since your story is written in past tense this line sounds like it's in present tense to me. Take what you will from this one, but I would've used "had not contacted" over "did not contact" myself - it just SOUNDS more correct.
"for a fifth time" sounds more correct. Or at least adding for in there. I realise a lot of this might be me not appreciating the elimination of "redundant" words, but a lot of this is being said from how I personally read this so yeah
Wrong tense? Would sounds a lot better to me. Also, set up is two words last time I checked...
Wth is one of those o.o. And more importantly, wth has it got to do with botany? It sounds like some sort of hospital device to me :S (not something that is wrong persay; it's a genuine question)
I think was needs to be in there. I dunno, the flow of that sentence seems interrupted without it.
Not sure how this would be changed exactly but I think it needs to be split in two. Specifically after "the jump". Possibly add something like "Before she could take the plunge, however," and remove the but.
", dizzy." really doesn't sit right with me. "rolled dizzily" perhaps? It just ends too abruptly there to me, what with a short pause and then just a single adjective without a thing to describe as such. Feels out of place.
I'm convinced the word order is wrong here (either that or too many commas), but I'm not sure how I'd reword this one. Maybe you should explain to me why you wrote it like that in the first place
Technically fine, but I'm sure you could spice this sentence up a little. How severe was the pain? You could change the last part to avoid the use of she as well quite easily - "with no recollection of her fall" is one such example.
Colon use? I would've thought semi-colons would fit there better... then again, I don't know all too many uses that colons have so I am probably wrong here. Again the second sentence is too long though, and should be split up - the bolded comma can be made a period without any trouble imo. If you really wanted to keep that sentence the length it is, could you use a semi-colon there instead?
Set of is redundant I think, the sentence goes on fine without them. You could consider changing luck to fortune so as not to overuse the word in the short term. Personally I would've switched the colon to a semi-colon and the semi-colon to a period, but you can probably tell me why that sentence is correct as it stands.
That's it as far as I see. As noted several times, I might not be technically correct with a lot of them, but this is what you must expect when you demand a review from me
In terms of the fic as a whole, I really, REALLY dig the idea here. I already told you this in chat but there's something distinctly abstract about this type of concept that I really like... even if I can't pin what it is, lol. I believe "Wuthering Heights" (however it was spelled) did a similar thing, which I really got into - although you use a different perspective during the account of the tale to make it more obvious that a recollection is in effect. The fact that this is basically a recollection means the reader can connect to the story (and Laria) on a much more personal level. And with such detailed build-up of Laria's character through the first chapter (especially contrasting that with the look of the prologue), it's really easy to stay focused on what's important during the fic.
The beauty I think with this sort of fic is that is doesn't require action of any kind to keep the reader engaged; in that sense it's a sort of intellectual read, since it keeps you hooked for far different reasons to "what's gonna blow up next!?". Very few writers (especially here) ever look to go into such topics, which is definitely what makes this one stand out. Major props man, I will most definitely be on the lookout for more of this (though depending on thefailure success of this review don't expect me to necessarily do this every time!)
Far be it from me to criticise your use of stuff (given you're much more aware of things that I am), but I'll point out most everything I found unusual. Some I'm sure are genuine errors, other maybe not since I often have an unusual interpretation of English anyhow
Prologue said:
This I guess makes sense, but it ends so abruptly... I think the use of ellipses would help that. I had to take a good three looks at that sentence to really make sense of it though, but that is probably just me.
I naturally paused in my reading of that after rational... comma there?
Chapter 1 said:
Again, makes sense I know, but... something seems slightly off here. I dunno, I think it's "the" which is offsetting me here; it just ruins the balance of the sentence to me. just switching that last part to ' "thumbs" twiddling. ' or something would make a lot more sense to me.
... "In the process." ? Took and take being so close together seemed a bit odd. You could replace take with grasp or something if you wanted to keep the original line intact.
Personally I took more of a pause here than a comma is meant to imply. So personally I'd add an ellipse there.
Rare slip there
. Although if that line is meant to be in her thoughts, shouldn't it be italicised? A slightly more general note than just this quote, but I don't feel all that much emotion from this conversation. Surely Laria is getting vexed by her mother's constant (judging by the context this happens every time she phones) nagging to complete things that have such long deadlines? What sort of tone is her mother using throughout this? I know we can infer such things, but it wouldn't be a huge push to add an extra word or two to cement the reader's thoughts on the subject.
Word order is strange to me, unless you were actually going for Yoda-speak
. "but she could see no other path" would be more usual I suppose, but this could easily be one of those things that I just don't appreciate so eh.*other than
Comma after civilized?
Chapter 2 said:
Second half seems redundant to me. (But hey, what do I know about that since I say redundant stuff so much myself lol)
*marvelling
Jeeeeeeeeeeez long sentence much? I'm sure it's correct and everything, but man that really took a lot to go through in one shot. You also missed a her in "treated as", and I'm not sure that the bolded had is actually necessary (though that is probably personal pref. yada yada).
I dunno if you just have something against the use of ellipses (I know I probably overuse them but w/e), but I really think one in place of the bolded comma would help to split that sentence up a bit and add to readability.
Either "might as well have been disguised", or "might as well have disguised herself as".
I reckon that there is tense confusion. Unless since it is in her thoughts it's perspective that is confused... however, since the next part of that sentence uses would I think the former is more accurate. So "didn't" is the obvious change.
Again with the paragraph-long sentences, sheesh Zy D:
I think the sentence should stop at the bolded comma. In my mind, the anxiety is a different subject to the preparation Laria is doing, and should be treated as such. And whilst I'm at it, *cancelled
Tense confused again I think... I dunno, since I am not that familiar with the in-depth laws of tense, but since your story is written in past tense this line sounds like it's in present tense to me. Take what you will from this one, but I would've used "had not contacted" over "did not contact" myself - it just SOUNDS more correct.
"for a fifth time" sounds more correct. Or at least adding for in there. I realise a lot of this might be me not appreciating the elimination of "redundant" words, but a lot of this is being said from how I personally read this so yeah
Wrong tense? Would sounds a lot better to me. Also, set up is two words last time I checked...
Wth is one of those o.o. And more importantly, wth has it got to do with botany? It sounds like some sort of hospital device to me :S (not something that is wrong persay; it's a genuine question
)I think was needs to be in there. I dunno, the flow of that sentence seems interrupted without it.
Not sure how this would be changed exactly but I think it needs to be split in two. Specifically after "the jump". Possibly add something like "Before she could take the plunge, however," and remove the but.
", dizzy." really doesn't sit right with me. "rolled dizzily" perhaps? It just ends too abruptly there to me, what with a short pause and then just a single adjective without a thing to describe as such. Feels out of place.
I'm convinced the word order is wrong here (either that or too many commas), but I'm not sure how I'd reword this one. Maybe you should explain to me why you wrote it like that in the first place
Technically fine, but I'm sure you could spice this sentence up a little. How severe was the pain? You could change the last part to avoid the use of she as well quite easily - "with no recollection of her fall" is one such example.
Colon use? I would've thought semi-colons would fit there better... then again, I don't know all too many uses that colons have so I am probably wrong here. Again the second sentence is too long though, and should be split up - the bolded comma can be made a period without any trouble imo. If you really wanted to keep that sentence the length it is, could you use a semi-colon there instead?
Set of is redundant I think, the sentence goes on fine without them. You could consider changing luck to fortune so as not to overuse the word in the short term. Personally I would've switched the colon to a semi-colon and the semi-colon to a period, but you can probably tell me why that sentence is correct as it stands.
That's it as far as I see. As noted several times, I might not be technically correct with a lot of them, but this is what you must expect when you demand a review from me
In terms of the fic as a whole, I really, REALLY dig the idea here. I already told you this in chat but there's something distinctly abstract about this type of concept that I really like... even if I can't pin what it is, lol. I believe "Wuthering Heights" (however it was spelled) did a similar thing, which I really got into - although you use a different perspective during the account of the tale to make it more obvious that a recollection is in effect. The fact that this is basically a recollection means the reader can connect to the story (and Laria) on a much more personal level. And with such detailed build-up of Laria's character through the first chapter (especially contrasting that with the look of the prologue), it's really easy to stay focused on what's important during the fic.
The beauty I think with this sort of fic is that is doesn't require action of any kind to keep the reader engaged; in that sense it's a sort of intellectual read, since it keeps you hooked for far different reasons to "what's gonna blow up next!?". Very few writers (especially here) ever look to go into such topics, which is definitely what makes this one stand out. Major props man, I will most definitely be on the lookout for more of this (though depending on the
RE: Becoming Civilized
Starting off with the basics, psychrometers measure relative humidity. =D
I try over and over again, and still my tense and word phrasing is horrible. I just wished I had English as a native language. Would make my life so much easier... >_>
I have a liking to very long sentences just as I do do shorter ones. Sentence variety is a forte of mine (having flawlessly structured sentences, however, is not). I also like colons, because people mistaken them to only have the purpose of listing (which I do use them for). However, they also signal an elaboration and explanation, which is something my nature sticks to. Ellipses, as I said in chat, are nice, but the pause they give is great, and thus I don't use them as often.
As with the bare context of Laria and her mother in the conversation, I want to keep it bare. So much more is to be revealed but I want to slowly draw out the characters. Even with the quick encounter of Laria in the prologue, you can tell something's different. In a sense, I cheated: I show you the beginning AND the ending, so I can take my time with the middle. ;P
Really, thanks for reading this. It's a pleasure having you doing so.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Chapter Three is no doubt going to be weak. I don't know why, but something about it is making it difficult to... be correctly portrayed the way I want it. It's going to take time, and I apologize.
Starting off with the basics, psychrometers measure relative humidity. =D
I try over and over again, and still my tense and word phrasing is horrible. I just wished I had English as a native language. Would make my life so much easier... >_>
I have a liking to very long sentences just as I do do shorter ones. Sentence variety is a forte of mine (having flawlessly structured sentences, however, is not). I also like colons, because people mistaken them to only have the purpose of listing (which I do use them for). However, they also signal an elaboration and explanation, which is something my nature sticks to. Ellipses, as I said in chat, are nice, but the pause they give is great, and thus I don't use them as often.
As with the bare context of Laria and her mother in the conversation, I want to keep it bare. So much more is to be revealed but I want to slowly draw out the characters. Even with the quick encounter of Laria in the prologue, you can tell something's different. In a sense, I cheated: I show you the beginning AND the ending, so I can take my time with the middle. ;P
Really, thanks for reading this. It's a pleasure having you doing so.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Chapter Three is no doubt going to be weak. I don't know why, but something about it is making it difficult to... be correctly portrayed the way I want it. It's going to take time, and I apologize.
RE: Becoming Civilized
Danger. Laria never realized until now that such a feeling could be considered a scent as well; she woke, sweating with a dreadful apprehension of some harmful being. Her eyes flung open and her head revolved from right to left and back as her eyes quickly surveyed the area. Still nothing significant in sight besides the huge leaf she fell on earlier and a massive log to her right, a branch that broke off from it . Her hearing could pick up the rustling of a nearby creature. Could it be something was after her? Only the first day and she possibly needed to-
"- defend herself. It's not a matter of whether our daughter should be virtuous, but that she should be safe."
"Out of the question! I won't have her learn such barbaric things! It's not fitting for the family line!"
"Caroline, she needs to protect herself in some way. If you won't let her learn her standard moves..."
She stood up, alert, knowing something was definitely coming swiftly her way. The bushes burst out forth the attacking beast, a hostile Vigoroth, already lunging at Laria with a battle cry. The Leafeon yelped and sidestepped out of the way. The Vigoroth's attempted swipe missed her, only slashing an imaginary image of where she originally stood. He landed hard on his two feet as he turned around to face her.
Laria quickly looked around, hoping to find a weapon to deal with the white ape, while the Vigoroth bellowed and thumped his chest multiple times with both of his fists. He lunged again-
The brown-belted Mightyena pounced at her, both claws flashing.
Laria immediately rolled back, easily get out of harm's way, and kicked upward as
hard as she could into the gut, pushing the Mightyena back into the air. He was suspended at the same height before falling back down to the ground with a damp thud.
However, the Vigoroth quickly recovered, getting up almost immediately after hitting the floor. He followed-up with his battle gesture once more, implying that the only thing she hurt was his pride. Laria quickly scanned the area once, this time, finding a better answer. The Vigoroth, having learned from his mistake, ran at her rather than jumping. Laria decisively ran forward as well, grabbing the wrist of the slashing arm at the last moment, the claws only have tapped her fur. Before the Vigoroth could react to such an unfamiliar tactic, Laria slugged the Vigoroth into the cheek, forcing him down onto the ground again by jumping on him as he stumbled from the blow. Dirt rose from the impact as Laria's entire body slammed the Vigoroth to the ground.
Knowing her own strength would not defeat such a tough enemy, she jumped off before the Vigoroth's claw grabbed her foot. She ran and picked up the long branch she saw earlier, easily five to six feet long, its diameter a good number of inches. Testing its weight, she took it with both paws and spun it around her, grinning; close to what she was used to back at her lessons. She held it in a forward stance, facing the Vigoroth, who got up, only slightly disoriented from the blow to the ground. It roared and ran forward, but was immediately halted by a quick thwack at its face. The force sent it stepping back, and Laria was in no mood for mercy. Every time the Vigoroth tried to get in a move, she anticipated him and struck first, forcing him back slowly to a tree. Stepping forward, she took the stick with both paws and swung full force as hard as she could, nailing the Vigoroth's neck as the Leafeon cried with focus.
A sickening crack bounced among the trees as the primate fell to the ground. Laria held the long stick ready just to make sure, but it really was dead; she got in a lucky blow and broke his neck. However, the stick fared just as badly, a large crack about three-quarters to the end, where the weapon made contact with the Vigoroth's neck.
Useless now... Laria took a more thorough inspection of her surroundings. Though the forest is known to be crowded with plants, the area around her laid relatively bare; in font of her was the log she spotted earlier, once a towering tree that dominated the clearing she stood in. Since only small sprouts dotted the ground, the giant's death dated very recently.
Before she looked away, she spotted something almost hidden in a hole in the trunk of the tree, shining from the sunlight. Laria reached and picked up the unknown object. Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw more of it: She had pulled out her compass. It must have fallen out of the pack into the small hole of the log.
Of course... the pack must be nearby, but where? Could it be... Laria tilted her head up for the first time, then smiled. Her pack harmlessly rested on a large branch of the giant-leaf tree that happened to save her life. Her smile fell after a quick consideration, as she realized that the rope she brought for climbing was in still in her pack. Obviously because her trip didn't start out conveniently, the rest of the journey conspired to provide just as much difficulty.
Laria groaned with frustration and started to walk around the clearing, trying to devise a solution. Upon looking at the tree, Laria found a crude one: though the pack was up high, several of those large leaves were evenly spaced between the ground and the branch holding the pack. Tracing an imaginary path, the Leafeon believed it to be possible to get up to that height by leaping from one leaf to another. The only question: will they be able to hold her weight?
She walked back to the tree, hesitated, then grabbed the nearest stalk over her head with both of her paws. She pulled herself up and over, ending up about five feet off the ground. Looking diagonally upward at the next stalk, she lunged for it. Her paws made contact and gripped with her target. The leaf at the end of the very stalk she grabbed upon happened to be filled with water (as with the first one she landed into), and Laria had unintentionally shook it, freeing some of the liquid. The water trickled to the stalk and her paws, and Laria realized that her grip was going to get lubricated and thus useless. Quickly, she jumped back down to the first stalk and bounced off of it to the ground, painfully tumbling as she landed. Though the small fall did not cause much physical injury to her, the simple failure stung her will.
"And why isn't it a hundred percent?"
"B-because I missed one question."
"Laria, have you not been listening to anything I've been saying for the past five years?" The Eevee didn't bother to answer; no response would avoid the lecture coming: "You're part of a privileged family. At least respect us more and what we do for you. Both your father and I are working hard for you..."
What did it matter? She was just a failure.
Laria did not get back up. Instead, she whimpered, wishing that someone would just get the pack for her, that the stupid helicopter didn't crash, that she could just use the communicator and wait for someone to save her, that she never went on this trip, that she was back in the university.
The sounds of the rustling leaves told Laria of another presence, but she only looked up rather than getting ready; her weapon broke to the point of worthlessness and she was slightly injured; another victory in a fight seemed as likely as getting home to her: impossible.
The being that walked out of the bushes prove not to be - in any sense - hostile. Laria found herself gaping up at the creature for two reasons: the first, it was an Absol, certainly not the first Pokémon that comes to mind when thinking about a jungle, but the second reason for Laria's stare of stupor was more striking: the Absol wasn't wild. Not in the sense of being just like her, but she stood on her back two legs as Laria and her eyes slowly moved, thinking of and contemplating what she saw before her. Even more, the Dark Pokémon was clothed as she was, a tight brown hide hugging from her chest to her shoulder, and from the right shoulder a leather strap ran down, U-turned between her legs, and dashed back to the same shoulder. Gold jewelry flashed everywhere on her, from her earrings to her wrist and ankle bracelets.
Perhaps knowing that Laria could not harm, the Absol slowly approached the Vigoroth, looking back at Laria. She then looked off, her head turning until her spotted the large stick Laria had used. She could deduce how I killed the Vigoroth. The Absol then bent down grabbing the neck of the dead ape and pulling it up, swinging it over her shoulder. She's going to take it and eat it... Laria's thoughts were confirmed as the Absol turned around to leave.
"Ummm..." began Laria, standing up. The Absol stopped and revolved one-eighty degrees again, staring at the Leafeon, her head slightly tilted and his eyes shimmering with curiosity. Laria secretly gulped and pointed up at her bag being held hostage by the tree. "My bag. May you please get it?" The Absol looked up at the indicated location. After a short moment, the Absol pointed at the bag and then pointed at the ground in front of Laria. The university student nodded eagerly, hopeful. A quick moment of nonaction passed before the Absol dropped the body on her and then dashed apparently at Laria. The Leafeon cried in surprised and ducked, but the Absol leaped beforehand, not even close to colliding into Laria. By the time Laria turned around, the Absol had climbed up the tree to where the pack laid. She put it on using only one strap and walked back to the trunk, getting back down almost as fast as she got up, her claws tearing into the bark for grip as she descended. Small tears swam in Laria's eyes as she took the bag from the Absol.
"Thank you!" she cried, not caring that the Absol most likely did not understand her language. In spite of this, the Absol felt her gratitude and in turn replied with a few gruff syllables that Laria could not translate (Not that she was even aware of a foreign language was spoken by people who lived in the jungle). Laria attempted to communicate once more by pointing at herself and saying her name, "Laria". The Absol looked at her before doing the same gesture, replying "Kari". She then walked off, taking the Vigoroth again before fully disappearing from sight.
Back to business. You whined about your woes long enough.
She walked over the small Sitrus tree and took another berry, munching on it as she checked her pack. The metal chain at the side originally holding the compass was broken, the end of it snapped off. For that, Laria was glad to have happened, or she might have not figured out where her pack was. Crinkles beleaguered the pack as a testimony to how badly the fall treated the equipment inside. Concerned, Laria unzipped and opened the main pocket of the pack that held most of her equipment. Nothing seemed smashed.
She pulled out the emergency communicator, resembling a simple walkie-talkie.
"Hello?" she called in it, "This is Laria. Is anyone there? Hello?" No answer. She sighed. Of course to hope they were fine was too optimistic.
She spent the next hour trying the rest of her equipment. Very few broke from the rough trip to the ground, none of them major for her studies; her original plan for research could continue. However, upon finishing equipment check, Laria quickly stuffed everything back into the pack. Although it's only the afternoon, I should find or build shelter. Should I mark this place? She decided to get out the Swiss knife she had on her and etched her initials on the large-leaf tree (as she has grown to call it). Once finishing that, she took once last look of her surroundings, and then headed off in a random direction.
Despite having heard tales of the dangerous jungle, Laria walked around casually, simply turning her head from the left to the right and back. Calls of life echoed throughout the jungle; from the Chatot to the Slakings, the trees of the jungle reverberated these calls, as if Laria was strolling in a vast chat room, only that the number of languages and dialects spoken were plenty. The distinguishing sounds made sense; you'd only want to listen in on those that speak your language, those that are important to you. Even after having that earlier fight, the wilderness seemed peaceful. Perhaps the Vigoroth was desperate for prey?
Laria's short trek ended upon a small bamboo forest, which was of no surprise to her; it has already been known how bamboo forests of small sizes are common in jungles. Durable, though not hard to cut, these plants would be ideal for the shelter's frame.
She crouched down and took out a long metal case, somewhat rectangular and a foot in length, a handle at the end. Holding the case in one paw, she grabbed the handle and pulled with her other paw, unsheathing a fine-toothed saw blade. She stuffed the case back into the pack, and began to cut a small, six-foot bamboo stalk down; she painstakingly pulled the saw back and forth near the bottom, making sure to keep the blade perpendicular to the stalk. The hours slowly passed, and Laria fell each stalk until she had a small pile of them. The Leafeon then started to cut at the other end, but at an angle, resulting in bamboo stalks with a flat end and a slanted diagonal end. Also, Laria had cut them so that all but one (the longest one) had a close identical twin. In addition, each pair differed in length by roughly even intervals.
She stood up and wiped the sweat off of her forehead before continuing. She took the two shortest ones and jammed the sharp ends into the ground so that the two stalks intersected with a bit left sticking out past the intersection. She did this for each pair, lining them up from shortest to tallest, as if making a triangular tunnel. Her paw grabbed the longest stick and placed it on the intersection of each pair of bamboo stalks, jamming the sharp end to the ground. Taking out rope, she cut it into small pieces and used each piece to tie together where the bamboo stalks meet with one another. Once she made sure the frame was indeed sturdy, she opened the pack and took out a poncho, covering the frame with it. She tied the plastic covering down to the bottom of the bamboo, and stood up, looking at the result. Satisfied, she crawled in it. A little small, though her fur didn't touch the bamboo as she entered in backwards, so it was spacious enough. Unzipping the pack again, she pulled out and unwrapped a granola bar, crunching on it. She stared out from her artificial dwelling as she chewed.
She was going to be stuck here for some time. Nothing to do but to make the most of it.
~~~~~Chapter Three~~~~~
Danger. Laria never realized until now that such a feeling could be considered a scent as well; she woke, sweating with a dreadful apprehension of some harmful being. Her eyes flung open and her head revolved from right to left and back as her eyes quickly surveyed the area. Still nothing significant in sight besides the huge leaf she fell on earlier and a massive log to her right, a branch that broke off from it . Her hearing could pick up the rustling of a nearby creature. Could it be something was after her? Only the first day and she possibly needed to-
"- defend herself. It's not a matter of whether our daughter should be virtuous, but that she should be safe."
"Out of the question! I won't have her learn such barbaric things! It's not fitting for the family line!"
"Caroline, she needs to protect herself in some way. If you won't let her learn her standard moves..."
She stood up, alert, knowing something was definitely coming swiftly her way. The bushes burst out forth the attacking beast, a hostile Vigoroth, already lunging at Laria with a battle cry. The Leafeon yelped and sidestepped out of the way. The Vigoroth's attempted swipe missed her, only slashing an imaginary image of where she originally stood. He landed hard on his two feet as he turned around to face her.
Laria quickly looked around, hoping to find a weapon to deal with the white ape, while the Vigoroth bellowed and thumped his chest multiple times with both of his fists. He lunged again-
The brown-belted Mightyena pounced at her, both claws flashing.
Laria immediately rolled back, easily get out of harm's way, and kicked upward as
hard as she could into the gut, pushing the Mightyena back into the air. He was suspended at the same height before falling back down to the ground with a damp thud.
However, the Vigoroth quickly recovered, getting up almost immediately after hitting the floor. He followed-up with his battle gesture once more, implying that the only thing she hurt was his pride. Laria quickly scanned the area once, this time, finding a better answer. The Vigoroth, having learned from his mistake, ran at her rather than jumping. Laria decisively ran forward as well, grabbing the wrist of the slashing arm at the last moment, the claws only have tapped her fur. Before the Vigoroth could react to such an unfamiliar tactic, Laria slugged the Vigoroth into the cheek, forcing him down onto the ground again by jumping on him as he stumbled from the blow. Dirt rose from the impact as Laria's entire body slammed the Vigoroth to the ground.
Knowing her own strength would not defeat such a tough enemy, she jumped off before the Vigoroth's claw grabbed her foot. She ran and picked up the long branch she saw earlier, easily five to six feet long, its diameter a good number of inches. Testing its weight, she took it with both paws and spun it around her, grinning; close to what she was used to back at her lessons. She held it in a forward stance, facing the Vigoroth, who got up, only slightly disoriented from the blow to the ground. It roared and ran forward, but was immediately halted by a quick thwack at its face. The force sent it stepping back, and Laria was in no mood for mercy. Every time the Vigoroth tried to get in a move, she anticipated him and struck first, forcing him back slowly to a tree. Stepping forward, she took the stick with both paws and swung full force as hard as she could, nailing the Vigoroth's neck as the Leafeon cried with focus.
A sickening crack bounced among the trees as the primate fell to the ground. Laria held the long stick ready just to make sure, but it really was dead; she got in a lucky blow and broke his neck. However, the stick fared just as badly, a large crack about three-quarters to the end, where the weapon made contact with the Vigoroth's neck.
Useless now... Laria took a more thorough inspection of her surroundings. Though the forest is known to be crowded with plants, the area around her laid relatively bare; in font of her was the log she spotted earlier, once a towering tree that dominated the clearing she stood in. Since only small sprouts dotted the ground, the giant's death dated very recently.
Before she looked away, she spotted something almost hidden in a hole in the trunk of the tree, shining from the sunlight. Laria reached and picked up the unknown object. Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw more of it: She had pulled out her compass. It must have fallen out of the pack into the small hole of the log.
Of course... the pack must be nearby, but where? Could it be... Laria tilted her head up for the first time, then smiled. Her pack harmlessly rested on a large branch of the giant-leaf tree that happened to save her life. Her smile fell after a quick consideration, as she realized that the rope she brought for climbing was in still in her pack. Obviously because her trip didn't start out conveniently, the rest of the journey conspired to provide just as much difficulty.
Laria groaned with frustration and started to walk around the clearing, trying to devise a solution. Upon looking at the tree, Laria found a crude one: though the pack was up high, several of those large leaves were evenly spaced between the ground and the branch holding the pack. Tracing an imaginary path, the Leafeon believed it to be possible to get up to that height by leaping from one leaf to another. The only question: will they be able to hold her weight?
She walked back to the tree, hesitated, then grabbed the nearest stalk over her head with both of her paws. She pulled herself up and over, ending up about five feet off the ground. Looking diagonally upward at the next stalk, she lunged for it. Her paws made contact and gripped with her target. The leaf at the end of the very stalk she grabbed upon happened to be filled with water (as with the first one she landed into), and Laria had unintentionally shook it, freeing some of the liquid. The water trickled to the stalk and her paws, and Laria realized that her grip was going to get lubricated and thus useless. Quickly, she jumped back down to the first stalk and bounced off of it to the ground, painfully tumbling as she landed. Though the small fall did not cause much physical injury to her, the simple failure stung her will.
"And why isn't it a hundred percent?"
"B-because I missed one question."
"Laria, have you not been listening to anything I've been saying for the past five years?" The Eevee didn't bother to answer; no response would avoid the lecture coming: "You're part of a privileged family. At least respect us more and what we do for you. Both your father and I are working hard for you..."
What did it matter? She was just a failure.
Laria did not get back up. Instead, she whimpered, wishing that someone would just get the pack for her, that the stupid helicopter didn't crash, that she could just use the communicator and wait for someone to save her, that she never went on this trip, that she was back in the university.
The sounds of the rustling leaves told Laria of another presence, but she only looked up rather than getting ready; her weapon broke to the point of worthlessness and she was slightly injured; another victory in a fight seemed as likely as getting home to her: impossible.
The being that walked out of the bushes prove not to be - in any sense - hostile. Laria found herself gaping up at the creature for two reasons: the first, it was an Absol, certainly not the first Pokémon that comes to mind when thinking about a jungle, but the second reason for Laria's stare of stupor was more striking: the Absol wasn't wild. Not in the sense of being just like her, but she stood on her back two legs as Laria and her eyes slowly moved, thinking of and contemplating what she saw before her. Even more, the Dark Pokémon was clothed as she was, a tight brown hide hugging from her chest to her shoulder, and from the right shoulder a leather strap ran down, U-turned between her legs, and dashed back to the same shoulder. Gold jewelry flashed everywhere on her, from her earrings to her wrist and ankle bracelets.
Perhaps knowing that Laria could not harm, the Absol slowly approached the Vigoroth, looking back at Laria. She then looked off, her head turning until her spotted the large stick Laria had used. She could deduce how I killed the Vigoroth. The Absol then bent down grabbing the neck of the dead ape and pulling it up, swinging it over her shoulder. She's going to take it and eat it... Laria's thoughts were confirmed as the Absol turned around to leave.
"Ummm..." began Laria, standing up. The Absol stopped and revolved one-eighty degrees again, staring at the Leafeon, her head slightly tilted and his eyes shimmering with curiosity. Laria secretly gulped and pointed up at her bag being held hostage by the tree. "My bag. May you please get it?" The Absol looked up at the indicated location. After a short moment, the Absol pointed at the bag and then pointed at the ground in front of Laria. The university student nodded eagerly, hopeful. A quick moment of nonaction passed before the Absol dropped the body on her and then dashed apparently at Laria. The Leafeon cried in surprised and ducked, but the Absol leaped beforehand, not even close to colliding into Laria. By the time Laria turned around, the Absol had climbed up the tree to where the pack laid. She put it on using only one strap and walked back to the trunk, getting back down almost as fast as she got up, her claws tearing into the bark for grip as she descended. Small tears swam in Laria's eyes as she took the bag from the Absol.
"Thank you!" she cried, not caring that the Absol most likely did not understand her language. In spite of this, the Absol felt her gratitude and in turn replied with a few gruff syllables that Laria could not translate (Not that she was even aware of a foreign language was spoken by people who lived in the jungle). Laria attempted to communicate once more by pointing at herself and saying her name, "Laria". The Absol looked at her before doing the same gesture, replying "Kari". She then walked off, taking the Vigoroth again before fully disappearing from sight.
Back to business. You whined about your woes long enough.
She walked over the small Sitrus tree and took another berry, munching on it as she checked her pack. The metal chain at the side originally holding the compass was broken, the end of it snapped off. For that, Laria was glad to have happened, or she might have not figured out where her pack was. Crinkles beleaguered the pack as a testimony to how badly the fall treated the equipment inside. Concerned, Laria unzipped and opened the main pocket of the pack that held most of her equipment. Nothing seemed smashed.
She pulled out the emergency communicator, resembling a simple walkie-talkie.
"Hello?" she called in it, "This is Laria. Is anyone there? Hello?" No answer. She sighed. Of course to hope they were fine was too optimistic.
She spent the next hour trying the rest of her equipment. Very few broke from the rough trip to the ground, none of them major for her studies; her original plan for research could continue. However, upon finishing equipment check, Laria quickly stuffed everything back into the pack. Although it's only the afternoon, I should find or build shelter. Should I mark this place? She decided to get out the Swiss knife she had on her and etched her initials on the large-leaf tree (as she has grown to call it). Once finishing that, she took once last look of her surroundings, and then headed off in a random direction.
Despite having heard tales of the dangerous jungle, Laria walked around casually, simply turning her head from the left to the right and back. Calls of life echoed throughout the jungle; from the Chatot to the Slakings, the trees of the jungle reverberated these calls, as if Laria was strolling in a vast chat room, only that the number of languages and dialects spoken were plenty. The distinguishing sounds made sense; you'd only want to listen in on those that speak your language, those that are important to you. Even after having that earlier fight, the wilderness seemed peaceful. Perhaps the Vigoroth was desperate for prey?
Laria's short trek ended upon a small bamboo forest, which was of no surprise to her; it has already been known how bamboo forests of small sizes are common in jungles. Durable, though not hard to cut, these plants would be ideal for the shelter's frame.
She crouched down and took out a long metal case, somewhat rectangular and a foot in length, a handle at the end. Holding the case in one paw, she grabbed the handle and pulled with her other paw, unsheathing a fine-toothed saw blade. She stuffed the case back into the pack, and began to cut a small, six-foot bamboo stalk down; she painstakingly pulled the saw back and forth near the bottom, making sure to keep the blade perpendicular to the stalk. The hours slowly passed, and Laria fell each stalk until she had a small pile of them. The Leafeon then started to cut at the other end, but at an angle, resulting in bamboo stalks with a flat end and a slanted diagonal end. Also, Laria had cut them so that all but one (the longest one) had a close identical twin. In addition, each pair differed in length by roughly even intervals.
She stood up and wiped the sweat off of her forehead before continuing. She took the two shortest ones and jammed the sharp ends into the ground so that the two stalks intersected with a bit left sticking out past the intersection. She did this for each pair, lining them up from shortest to tallest, as if making a triangular tunnel. Her paw grabbed the longest stick and placed it on the intersection of each pair of bamboo stalks, jamming the sharp end to the ground. Taking out rope, she cut it into small pieces and used each piece to tie together where the bamboo stalks meet with one another. Once she made sure the frame was indeed sturdy, she opened the pack and took out a poncho, covering the frame with it. She tied the plastic covering down to the bottom of the bamboo, and stood up, looking at the result. Satisfied, she crawled in it. A little small, though her fur didn't touch the bamboo as she entered in backwards, so it was spacious enough. Unzipping the pack again, she pulled out and unwrapped a granola bar, crunching on it. She stared out from her artificial dwelling as she chewed.
She was going to be stuck here for some time. Nothing to do but to make the most of it.
RE: Becoming Civilized
Very interesting chapter. I definitely wasn't expecting the Vigoroth to attack. The story is becoming more clear and less boring with each chapter. One thing I found:
Keep up the great work, Zy ;D
Very interesting chapter. I definitely wasn't expecting the Vigoroth to attack. The story is becoming more clear and less boring with each chapter. One thing I found:
I think this should be "It must have fallen", but I'm not 100% sure. I just know something doesn't seem right with that sentence.
Keep up the great work, Zy ;D
RE: Becoming Civilized
Liked this chapter as well, only complaint is that we'll need to wait for the next one. Keep up the nice work, Zyflair!
Laria proved to be actually a good/smart fighter. Does it mean her parents agreed to let her learn some moves or was it just improvising?
As I see people helping keep the text flawless, here are some things that caught my attention. Don't know if I'm right about them, but at least it's worth checking. I don't mean to be pointing what you did wrong, just trying to help fix things! I hope it's ok ^^'
Liked this chapter as well, only complaint is that we'll need to wait for the next one. Keep up the nice work, Zyflair!
Laria proved to be actually a good/smart fighter. Does it mean her parents agreed to let her learn some moves or was it just improvising?
As I see people helping keep the text flawless, here are some things that caught my attention. Don't know if I'm right about them, but at least it's worth checking. I don't mean to be pointing what you did wrong, just trying to help fix things! I hope it's ok ^^'
I think it should be "Her eyes flung..."
I wasn't sure about this one, since my first language is not english, but I googled "thumped his chested" and only found your post xD I guess it should be "thumped his chest".
You accidently wrote "his" instead of "her".
I think the first sentence came out ambiguous. Was it Laria or the Absol who pointed to the ground? I think you meant it to be Laria, and I believe you could write this part like this to avoid ambiguity: "Laria pointed at the bag and then pointed at the ground in front of her".
I'm not sure, but maybe there should be something between "echoed" and "the jungle". I would write it like this: "echoed throughout the jungle".
RE: Becoming Civilized
Agh, I cannot proofread to save my life.
If you reread the battle scene more carefully, you can definitely see that she got lessons. It's important to remember that she has no standard moves as of now (lol, as of now, when is going to learn such things).
(Also, "thumped his chested", what was I, I don't even... D=)
Thanks for reading, all of you.
Agh, I cannot proofread to save my life.
Not as clear as I wanted it, and in a sense, I'm still pushing with introductions. Hopefully we'll get into more interesting things in the next chapter. ^_^squirtli said:
Haha, good complaint. I can't fix it. ^_^Pyrefox said:
If you reread the battle scene more carefully, you can definitely see that she got lessons. It's important to remember that she has no standard moves as of now (lol, as of now, when is going to learn such things).
(Also, "thumped his chested", what was I, I don't even... D=)
I am good with IMAGRY-ISH STUFF! ^_^Petrex said:
Thanks for reading, all of you.
RE: Becoming Civilized
Normally I don't like stories involving Pokémon acting like humans, but I started reading anyways.
I don't actually know what to think yet, considering I scanned through the last two chapters. But some parts were really boring to me, I like my stories to be to the point and not too descriptive. If the description gets too long I tend to skip that part and I must confess it happened a few times (most in the prologue and first chapter). But this all is just a personal matter, I'll bet there are enough people who like it the way you write it!
But somehow this story appeals to me. I want to read more and more in your story (that's why I just scanned chapter 2 and 3) just to know what will happen. The whole package easily fits together and is understandable, but still a bit mysterious. I like the flashbacks in it now and then, it lets me understand your character even more.
Keep up like this, and you'll have another fan!
Normally I don't like stories involving Pokémon acting like humans, but I started reading anyways.
I don't actually know what to think yet, considering I scanned through the last two chapters. But some parts were really boring to me, I like my stories to be to the point and not too descriptive. If the description gets too long I tend to skip that part and I must confess it happened a few times (most in the prologue and first chapter). But this all is just a personal matter, I'll bet there are enough people who like it the way you write it
!But somehow this story appeals to me. I want to read more and more in your story (that's why I just scanned chapter 2 and 3) just to know what will happen. The whole package easily fits together and is understandable, but still a bit mysterious. I like the flashbacks in it now and then, it lets me understand your character even more.
Keep up like this, and you'll have another fan
!
RE: Becoming Civilized
Eeeehehe, thanks.
Heh, I can't blame you; some of my description is poorly written and drabs on, and I do skip lengthy descriptions sometimes myself. I wish to cut back, but that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon.
I'm glad it seems good to you. One a quick note, I'd be more likely to refer them as a stream of consciousness (SoC) rather than a flashback. Because Laria is dragging up all related memories as she goes on. Flashbacks do not necessarily reflect Laria's thinking, whereas SoC does. I'm sorry if I'm making no sense. ^_^"
But anyways, thanks for reading.
Eeeehehe, thanks.
Heh, I can't blame you; some of my description is poorly written and drabs on, and I do skip lengthy descriptions sometimes myself. I wish to cut back, but that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon.
I'm glad it seems good to you. One a quick note, I'd be more likely to refer them as a stream of consciousness (SoC) rather than a flashback. Because Laria is dragging up all related memories as she goes on. Flashbacks do not necessarily reflect Laria's thinking, whereas SoC does. I'm sorry if I'm making no sense. ^_^"
But anyways, thanks for reading.
RE: Becoming Civilized
The danger with cutting back the description is that you lose the imagery created by such elaborate descriptions. This obviously happens less if you cut back what isn't at all important, but overall I don't think you've truly reached that stage yet. Personally. Maybe I just have a longer tolerance for descriptions than some :S
In any case, I don't think I am going to go all out like last time, because I don't really see much that hasn't already been identified, or that I would want to see changed. I must admit though, I did sort of laugh a bit at Laria's emo-trip, since I was convinced she could've made it up there if she REALLY tried. I have felt myself in that position before though, so I know more or less exactly what she was thinking there... which always helps to relate
The danger with cutting back the description is that you lose the imagery created by such elaborate descriptions. This obviously happens less if you cut back what isn't at all important, but overall I don't think you've truly reached that stage yet. Personally. Maybe I just have a longer tolerance for descriptions than some :S
In any case, I don't think I am going to go all out like last time, because I don't really see much that hasn't already been identified, or that I would want to see changed. I must admit though, I did sort of laugh a bit at Laria's emo-trip, since I was convinced she could've made it up there if she REALLY tried. I have felt myself in that position before though, so I know more or less exactly what she was thinking there... which always helps to relate
RE: Becoming Civilized
I was very impressed, Zyflair. It seems extremely original, and not the usual hack-and-slash fan fic. You're an amazing author
I was very impressed, Zyflair. It seems extremely original, and not the usual hack-and-slash fan fic. You're an amazing author
RE: Becoming Civilized
HACK-AND-SLASH FICS XD
Yeah, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.
Alot of us do go through that, so I somehow ended up portraying that (it was inevitable with the outline despite the fact that I wasn't even intendeding to go for this kinds of scene XD).
HACK-AND-SLASH FICS XD
Yeah, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.
I think I've got only bits and pieces of unneeded description, but can't say for sure. :Sgamercal said:The danger with cutting back the description is that you lose the imagery created by such elaborate descriptions. This obviously happens less if you cut back what isn't at all important, but overall I don't think you've truly reached that stage yet. Personally. Maybe I just have a longer tolerance for descriptions than some :S
In any case, I don't think I am going to go all out like last time, because I don't really see much that hasn't already been identified, or that I would want to see changed. I must admit though, I did sort of laugh a bit at Laria's emo-trip, since I was convinced she could've made it up there if she REALLY tried. I have felt myself in that position before though, so I know more or less exactly what she was thinking there... which always helps to relate
Alot of us do go through that, so I somehow ended up portraying that (it was inevitable with the outline despite the fact that I wasn't even intendeding to go for this kinds of scene XD).