Anyone got any funny quotes?

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Zoidburg said:
DogMaster40 said:
The latest survey says that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
I don't remember being absent-minded.
I have not lost my mind: it's backed up on a disk somewhere.
A rose by any other name would likely be "deadly thorn-bearing assault vegetation."
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence you tried.
Yo-yo: an object that is occasionally up but normally down (see also: computer).
Beware the letter "G." It is the end of everything.
I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa.
Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is.
I used to have a handle on life; then it broke.
If dogs are so loyal, why did mine sell me out to the Russians last week?
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
In dog years, I'm dead
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You got those from your school aganda didnt you -_-
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OMG you're spying on me, aren't you? I made up the dog selling me out one, though.
 
I heard these around my school and at home.

"Have you ever farted so hard you cracked your back?"

"If you ever feel like you need to talk about your feelings, know that I am here......to tell you someone that will listen!"

Eric:*laughing*
Saul:Eric, you laugh like some animal.
Me:It's better than looking like one!
*I point to Saul*

*Eric arguing with someone*
Eric:It's cause your stupid!
*Girl kicks Eric*
6th hour Teacher:Why are you out of line?
Eric:She kicked me!
Teacher:I don't car if she or he kicked you!
Me:Ha! He called you a she/he!
*Girl kicks me*

*Teacher comes by*
Eric:No Saul! I will not sell you drugs!

Teacher:I read that stocks are going down.
Some Girl:It's cause they're kicking us mexicans out!
Alexis:It's cause we ate all the beans!
 
read my sig it's pretty funny

and i got another one

"if teachers are so smart why are they still in school?"
"dont call me names ok, but your shirt was mean"(one before the comma is a guy from states and the other one was me talking back to me)

this next one is a joke i made about my teacher who like totally hate me
"you're beautiful , you're pretty but wont say beautiful , oh i am i thought you were going to say i was old and decipet"
 
"My favorite thing about eating Gummi Bears is when you bite their head off, they can't fight back." Sometimes my health teacher will randomly say names of "body parts" when the class is extremely quiet and everyone bursts out laughing since it's so random. It's always fun to yell out obscenities and HEY _____! DO YOU WANT TO BUY SOME HEROINE!? right in front of teachers, in the middle of the hall, and (the drug one) when there's only one other person in the hall. *Kicks friend down the stairs at school* "THIS IS SPARTA!" (I actually did that.)
 
SNN said:
I am being sarcastic.
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-_-... That's called a "paradox". Well, it fits too don't it?

The Nameless Penguin Master said:
"My favorite thing about eating Gummi Bears is when you bite their head off, they can't fight back." Sometimes my health teacher will randomly say names of "body parts" when the class is extremely quiet and everyone bursts out laughing since it's so random. It's always fun to yell out obscenities and HEY _____! DO YOU WANT TO BUY SOME HEROINE!? right in front of teachers, in the middle of the hall, and (the drug one) when there's only one other person in the hall. *Kicks friend down the stairs at school* "THIS IS SPARTA!" (I actually did that.)
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lol...
 
Lol you know whats a good one, well first I will tell you I go to an all boys school. (GAH Dont ask)

If you ever see anyone with there wallet out go up to them, stand right in front of them and yell "NO (insert name) I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU FOR 5 DOLLORS" lol, it cracks some people up, not so much others.

Ya my math teacher can yell at...human "body Parts" during a test when everyone is quite. Lol its pretty sad.
 
Go to youtube and look for anything on "Brother Jed," "Brother Micah," or "Campus Preacher." They're all insane extremist evangelists on campuses and the college kids' reactions are priceless. All the good ones are on DracoTheVampyre's channel.
 
"duck tape is like a force,it has a dark side and a light side and it holds things together."
 
Moneyking63 said:
Ya my math teacher can yell at...human "body Parts" during a test when everyone is quite. Lol its pretty sad.
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Body parts?

----

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected
 
Hmm..I've got some parodys on fast-food ones;

Krusty: (the simpsons) "Hey-Hey-Hey kids! Introducing my new burger, the porker! if you have ever seen a sandwhich with more grease then this, your in Mexico!"

ZIM: (Invader Zim) *Looks at McDonalds "M" that says "OVER 8,000000 SERVED" under it*
"8,000000 served??? that's more then the entire population! if i were to rule McDonalds..
I COULD RULE THE WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

GIR: (Invader Zim) Must..Obey..Taco Man.. |ZIM: No, GIR. We can get tacos later.|
GIR: But I NEED Tacos, I need them or I will explode!

Yeah, 2 Invader Zim ones and 1 Simpsons..I AM OBSESSED! :O


:F
 
LadiesMan217 said:
EWWWWWWW... How the *place where bad people go after death* did he became a teacher???
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He is an olympic wieghltifter with a masters degree in math. So they like him for our weightlifting team and there not going to fire him from math because if they do, there go our wieghtlifting titles.
 
Heres a lengendary quote from the The Simpsons:

"Me fail English? Thats unpossible"
- Ralph Wiggam (legend)
 
ZOMG Z-MAN MADE HIS MONTHLY POST :O

<cool> WHY MUST LIFE BE LIKE THIS! ! ! !
<@bacon> One exclamation mark away from madness
<Silver> :O
<Wall|away> lol
 
I like a good joke as much as the next guy but what do you say we keep it suitable for everyone all right? :|
 
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