Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/1

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RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

Oh fallout 3, your jokes never cease to amuse.
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

bacon boy said:
yay!!!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Joe
Joe who?
Joe Mama!
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LAME!!!!
GoRockQuadsGiratina said:
After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

lol, Bobblehead, I liked that joke. :D
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Eh, not that funny. Chuck norris jokes aren't good anymore.
Gliscor said:
The original variation to this is a bit inappropriate (the words use) so I'm going to change it around a little. My cousin told this to me, and it took me a while before I LOL'ed. So:

There was a plane flying over the ocean with no land nearby by. There were tons of people on that plane.
Half of them eat Hamburgers, half of them eat Fruit, and there was on guy who eats rice.
So, while flying the pilot told all of the passengers, "The plane is too heavy. Please drop all of your food."
So, the Hamburgers eaters dropped their hamburgers, the Fruit eaters drop their fruit, and the Rice eater dropped his rice.
But the plane was still too heavy!
So the pilot told the passengers, "The plane is still too heavy. Please drop your luggage."
So, everyone dropped all of their luggage down into the ocean.
But the place was still too heavy!
The pilot told the passengers, "The plane is still too heavy. We need to cut the plane in half!"
So, everyone somehow cut the place in half, the bottom half at least. In the end, everyone was dangling (imagine you going through Monkey Bars. That's how they are dangling.)
But the plane was STILL too heavy!
So, the pilot told everyone, "The plane is still too heavy. If one person falls, we'll be fine."
Everyone looked at the Rice eater.
And he said, "Fine I'll fall. But before I do, may I please have a round of applause."
And he got is round of applause.

Does anyone get it?
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I don't see how there could have been language in that. I consiter that more of a pun than a joke though.
Pokequaza said:
Ok, here's another:

Light is faster than sound. That's the reason why most people look smart till they start to speak.
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Funny, and true.

DeoxysUnknownForme said:
DawnOfXatu said:
99% of the jokes that I know would get me immediately banned, so I am preforming with my hands and feet tied behind my back, mind you.
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Yeah... I'll do what I know.

There are three people on a plane, a Chinese man, a Mexican and an American. They're are crashing and need to throw things off. The Chinese man is first and throws his rice overboard, saying "There is alot of this in my country." The Mexican is next and throws tortillas overboard, saying "There is alot of this in my country." The American then throws the Mexican overboard, saying "There's alot of them in MY country!"

A Frenchman, a Mexican and an American are in the woods. the American goes off for 2 minuets and comes back with a huge deer, and the other two ask, "Where'dja get that?", and the American says "I followed the tracks." So the Mexican goes off for 2 minuetsa and comes back with a huge moose, and the other two go, "Where'dja get that?", and he says, "I followed the tracks. The Frenchman goes off but dosen't come back. Three days later the other two find him in the hospital and asked him what happened. The Frenchman said: "I followed the tracks, and got hit by train."


I've known those for awhile.
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The first one is funny, and true. The second one is kind of boring though.
Pokequaza said:
DeoxysUnknownForme said:
DawnOfXatu said:
99% of the jokes that I know would get me immediately banned, so I am preforming with my hands and feet tied behind my back, mind you.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
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RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

Juliacoolo said:
Gliscor said:
The original variation to this is a bit inappropriate (the words use) so I'm going to change it around a little. My cousin told this to me, and it took me a while before I LOL'ed. So:

There was a plane flying over the ocean with no land nearby by. There were tons of people on that plane.
Half of them eat Hamburgers, half of them eat Fruit, and there was on guy who eats rice.
So, while flying the pilot told all of the passengers, "The plane is too heavy. Please drop all of your food."
So, the Hamburgers eaters dropped their hamburgers, the Fruit eaters drop their fruit, and the Rice eater dropped his rice.
But the plane was still too heavy!
So the pilot told the passengers, "The plane is still too heavy. Please drop your luggage."
So, everyone dropped all of their luggage down into the ocean.
But the place was still too heavy!
The pilot told the passengers, "The plane is still too heavy. We need to cut the plane in half!"
So, everyone somehow cut the place in half, the bottom half at least. In the end, everyone was dangling (imagine you going through Monkey Bars. That's how they are dangling.)
But the plane was STILL too heavy!
So, the pilot told everyone, "The plane is still too heavy. If one person falls, we'll be fine."
Everyone looked at the Rice eater.
And he said, "Fine I'll fall. But before I do, may I please have a round of applause."
And he got is round of applause.

Does anyone get it?
Click to expand...
I don't see how there could have been language in that. I consiter that more of a pun than a joke though.
Click to expand...

The original had some racism in it. And how is it a pun?
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

A man walks into a bar and asks "Who here is Smith?"
A man sitting down says "I'm Smith"
The man goes up to him and punches him in the face and breaks it.
The man falls on the floor laughing.
The man punches him and breaks his arm.
Once again the man can't stop laughing.
The man punches one last time before leaving and breaks all the bones in his body.
That night at the man's house his friends ask him "Why are you laughing, that guy just beat you up like heck (can't say other word)
The man says "I'm laughing because my name isn't really Smith"



I know kinda stupid but whatever.
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

There are 6 people on a plane that's about to crash. George Bush, David Beckemm, The Pilot, Simon Cowl, an old man, and a young kid. The plane is about to crash and there's only 5 parachutes.

George Bush says "I used to be the presient." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
David Beckemm says "There's a soccer game tommorrow." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
The Pilot says "I'm the Pilot." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
Simon Cowl says "American Idol is on tommorrow." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
The Old man says" You go youngster. Ive already lived my life."
The Young kid says "No. We both will go!"
The Old man says "But how?"
The Young kid says "Because George Bush took my backpack!"

Another one. (sort of racist but... if this offends anyone I'm sorry.)

There's a plane that's about to crash. On it are a mother a father and a small kid. But there's only 2 parachutes.
The two parents jump and the plane crashes. Once they are at home they cry that they lost their only child. THen their's a knock on the door and at the door is the kid.
The father says "How are you alive?"
The kid says "Me Chineese, Me no dumb, I hang onto daddy's bum. Daddy goes (a farting sound.) and I go ZOOM! That's how I get home so soon."

The song: Me Chineese, Me no dumb, I hang onto daddy's bum. Daddy goes phew and I go ZOOM! That's how I get home so soon."
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

What do you call a garbage can under a traffic light?
Homeless Disco
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

Lou Cypher said:
What do you call a garbage can under a traffic light?
Homeless Disco
Click to expand...

XD Nice one.
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

Medaforcer said:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

Oh fallout 3, your jokes never cease to amuse.
Click to expand...

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a drink?" The bartender says "For you, no charge."

Just thought I'd throw that one out there as well lol.
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

^I've heard that one before lol...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from the Police
The redhead gets cornered, points to the sky and yells "Tornado!!!"
The police turn around and the redhead gets away.
After that the brunette gets cornered, points at the ground and yells "Earthquake!!!"
The police turn around and the brunette gets away.
Finally they corner the blonde. The blonde points and yells "Fire!!!"

.... Lol you gotta think a little bit
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!




It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."


A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

lol, but I dont get the Stanley Cup thing...Whats the joke?
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

*Removed* Please try and keep your jokes appropriate for the younger members of the forums. Thanks. ~Xous
 
RE: Non-Pokemon Jokes Thread! (12/13+)

^ 0.o No comment. I'm sure you've all heard this, but for the younger members:

A panda walks into a bar. The dim-whitted bar-tender goes to the manager and says "Mr.Porkus! A panda just walked into the Bar." They were unsure what to do, so they looked "panda" up in the dictionary. It says that Panda eats, shoots and leaves.

Get it? (who doesn't)
 
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