The Challenge: Season 5 | Rev3rsor is the Winner!

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RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Diamonds: 17/20
Enjoyment: 7/10, I actually like the story, however there were a lot of stale parts. The climax felt a little boring overall, but I enjoyed the way it played out.
Creativity: 10/10, even though you admitted that you based the idea off a popular idea, the way you incorporated it with Pokemon and Dialga was creative.


Pearls: 16/20
Enjoyment: 6/10, At the start, I was enjoying it, but I eventually started to feel uninterested at just having to read through so much. You probably should have just picked one of the two halves of the story to submit to keep me locked into the story. Sadly, I have to rate it based off my entire enjoyment, not just half of it.
Creativity: 10/10, despite the fact that I didn't fully enjoy the story, I thought it was very creative!


Platinums: 13/20
Enjoyment: 6/10, it was a little dialogue heavy, so you had to enjoy the conversation to enjoy the story. The conversation was okay, I guess.
Creativity: 7/10, the story was linear and predictable, but you did think of creative ways to explain Giratina resting in the Distortion World. Good job on that.


Platinums and Pearls, you have 36 hours from now to submit your vote (PM) on who will be eliminated from your team!
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

I actually like the story, however there were a lot of stale parts.
I was actually a little worried about that, since (especially for the beginning) this kept coming to mind. But I didn't say anything because I actually really liked how it worked.

Oh, and...
THANK YOU ATHENA.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Yay, we won! :D KoN is right, THANKS, ATHENA!!! Of course we all pitched in, but it was Athena's text there, so congrats!
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

I thought about only sending the first five or so chapters (I don't remember the exact number) and then decided against it at the last minute (Although I probably could have gotten away with no one noticing it). There was a point in there that seemed like it could be an ending if the last sentence was changed a bit but I didn't think it would have characterized Palkia as well if it had ended there.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Well, I still have our old bleachers.

[img width=600 height=]https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-bxYNZc8Q7Gw/UvsvSGto-FI/AAAAAAAAAH4/Bj2yEFLojFA/s1024/bleachers.png[/img]

If you give me a moment I can outfit them with a kitchenette, a toilette and even a lobby.

At least we'll be comfortable watching this unfold. And let me tell you, if this is anything like our mafia games back at PWOT, being dead will be the best part.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

I can give you some money and put an air conditioner, you know, I stole the gold in Celever's rainbow.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Heart = Crushed

No but really that was incredibly fun to write. And it was so close...
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Thank you everyone, thank you, thank you. *bows, blows kisses*
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

yey! go Athena and thank you!
Admittedly I could've done more but, well, I guess that's what future challenges are for.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Professor Palutena said:
Eron said:
I can give you some money and put an air conditioner, you know, I stole the gold in Celever's rainbow.
So basically everything important except hintz.

Oh, I almost forgot the hintz. Yes, also get some hintz.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Oh yeah? Can a representative from every team post their stories? Apparently PG2 isn't doing it... I'll do my team's later...
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Celever said:
Oh yeah? Can a representative from every team post their stories? Apparently PG2 isn't doing it... I'll do my team's later...

Please, we don't want 10 pages in a row.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season

Eron said:
Celever said:
Oh yeah? Can a representative from every team post their stories? Apparently PG2 isn't doing it... I'll do my team's later...

Please, we don't want 10 pages in a row.

I was going to link you to the google sheet -_-

Also imo, PG24, you should've read one other, then half of pearls, went to sleep, and then read the rest of pearls and the last one.

Man that is so articulate! But really, people shouldn't read that much in one sitting, so I don't blame you for getting bored :p
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Here's mine:

Altered Worlds

The Creation Trio stepped out of the dimensional portal onto a busy human street. All around them, humans walked passed on their daily business, some carrying or walking with Pokémon, others focused on daily tasks. If any of them happened to be surprised at the sight of several meter tall legendary deities appearing out of nowhere, they were polite enough to not gawk or scream.

As usual, Dialga took the lead, stepping ahead of his brothers and sniffing the air. “Palkia,” he called over his shoulder, “what place is this?”

The spacial Pokémon cocked its head in thought as it processed the information. “We appear to be in the city San Francisco in the human country the Pacific States of America. But… something smells a bit off.”

Dialga furrowed its brow. “The Pacific States of America, is that a region? I’ve never heard of it.”

Raising its massive shoulders, Palkia shrugged. “The region is apparently called ‘California’, but I’ve never been here before. Space feels weird here, that’s about all I can say.”

Giratina snickered. Dialga shot it a sharp glance but then turned back to Palkia. “Can you tell anything about who or what summoned us here? I had believed it was someone using a Red Chain, but I cannot sense its power nearby.”

“Me neither.”

“I guess we’ll have to ask the locals, then. Let’s see if we can find a café.”

The three legendary Pokémon began a stroll down the street, taking in the sights. The neighborhood was nice and clean, filled with flowering trees and tall, closely packed buildings. Women walked along the streets wearing sandals and beautifully coloured kimono, often with small, cute Pokémon in the arms or walking on the street beside them. A Pikachu in the arms of a young girl acknowledged them with a wave of its chubby arm and Dialga bowed its head in response.

As they walked, Dialga wrinkled its nose as the scent of ozone wafted across its face, but the smell was gone as quickly as it came. Turning its head, Dialga spied a café with a large outdoor terrace and motioned its brothers to join him as it sat by a table. A Gardevoir came out to take their orders and Giratina surprised them by ordering green tea for all three of them.

Dialga raised an eyebrow. “I never would have taken you for a tea person.”

Hissing with laughter, Giratina reclined backwards and looked at its brother with a creepy grin. “You will have to take my word for it that the tea here is excellent. Besides, I didn’t want to sit here and wait for fifteen minutes while Palkia summoned up the courage to talk to a girl, even if she is just a waitress.” Palkia blushed, but offered no reply to its brother’s taunt.

While waiting for the tea, Dialga amused himself by watching his surroundings. Spending time in the human realm was always a breath of fresh air, and he enjoyed interacting with the people and the Pokémon. A poster plastered to a nearby fence caught his eye: a painting of chubby children waving flags and smiling. Underneath was written “With the help of Japan, China, Australia, and America, the world can be in peace.”

“Palkia,” the temporal Pokémon asked conversationally, gesturing at the sign, “is that language commonly used here?”

“Oh, uh, hmm, no, I don’t think so, that is,” Palkia stammered. “It’s written in Japanese, but I thought they used the Latin alphabet in America.”

Giratina snickered again and Dialga turned its head towards it sharply. “Is something funny to you?”

“No, no,” Giratina hissed. “Just wondering why you care about the human languages so much. We can understand them no matter what they say, and our own language is superior anyway.”

The sound of a sudden explosion took Dialga’s attention before he could respond to its brother, and he whipped his head around towards the source: a television set inside the café. Not a real explosion after all, just the tv, but it appeared to be a news broadcast and not an action movie. Dialga caught the waitress’s attention and asked her to turn up the volume so he could watch. The report was apparently coming from another region to the west, another isolated battle in the mountainous central region of America between the Pacific States and their Nazi-governed neighbors.

Gardevoir saw Dialga’s attention and bowed her head respectfully. “Do not be concerned, my lord. The Nazis may continue to strike against us here and there, but the glorious Greater Japanese Empire will persevere, as always. Our kind emperor will see us through.” She smiled. “Your tea is almost ready.”

The scent of ozone wafted across Dialga’s nose again, and suddenly everything became clear. “That smell.” It shot a dark glance at Giratina. “It’s the smell of distortion. That’s what Palkia said felt weird here. Did you do something?”

“Who, me?” Giratina asked innocently. “What do I care for human wars?”

“You mean, aside from your general desire to stir chaos and cause destruction?”

“Kahkahkah, you know me too well, brother of mine. But this change is such an improvement, I promise. The Nazis and the Japanese Empire, they’re nice folks, really. They may have killed a few million innocents, but the tea is much better in this country now, I promise you that.”

Dialga rolled its eyes. “You know you can’t just alter the human dimension as you see fit. We have law and order to uphold.”

Without waiting for a reply, Dialga closed its eyes, mentally transporting itself to its own realm where it could study the flow of time at its leisure. Physically, he stayed in the same spot at the café. The Gardevoir was coming out to bring their tea, but then she was walking in reverse, backing into the café. Time began flowing backwards as Dialga felt its way through the currents, reading the intrusions on the time continuum where Giratina’s changes had afflicted change. He saw the invasion of the America by the Japanese army in reverse, soldiers bravely marching backwards towards the sea, bullets flying out of people’s wounds as their blood seeped back into their bodies.

The television at the café was Dialga’s immediate source of knowledge of the outside world. Even as events in real time played in reverse, he was able to follow events from around the world as the war unfolded. The further back in time Dialga traveled, the more it was able to sense Giratina’s influence, like the smell of a rotting wound. At some point, Giratina had been able to sit back and watch the chaos unfold, but in the beginning he had needed to be more assertive in setting up the proper conditions, and his meddling grew more and more visible as Dialga continued backwards.

There. With a force of will, Dialga froze time. It had finally reached the point where Giratina’s meddling had begun: the assassination of an American president. The stench of distortion was almost nauseating. With a massive roar, Dialga flew back in time, coming to rest next to Giratina in the middle of a city park, several decades in the past.

Giratina’s eyes flew open angrily at the site of its brother. “You! But–”

“But nothing,” Dialga replied, stamping a foot in anger. “You know better.” It roared again, loudly, cancelling the distortion in the city. Moments later, a shot rang out, missing the president. Bowing its head at its brother, it slipped back through time to the present day.

Dialga opened its eyes again. It was still sitting at the café with Palkia and Giratina on opposite sides of him around the table. The Gardevoir was walking towards them, tray of tea in hand. What has happened? Did nothing change after all? Dialga whipped its head around, scanning the surrounding area. The Japanese language poster was gone, replaced with an advertisement for a local concert. Pedestrians still walked the streets, but did so in modern clothing, no kimono in sight. It breathed a sigh of relief.

“Your tea is here, gentlemen,” Gardevoir announced, smiling happily. “Enjoy it, and have a great day!”

“Wh-wh-what just happened?” Palkia stuttered after the Gardevoir had left them alone again. “There was a jolt and suddenly it doesn’t feel so weird around anymore.”

Dialga grinned. “Oh, I just had to fix a few things, that’s all.”

Giratina grumbled into its tea. “If I knew you would be so fast, I would have ordered something else to drink.”

“This tea suits me just fine, I think.” As Dialga sipped from a cup, it glanced over and saw the young girl with her Pikachu again. They had finished whatever errand they had been sent on and were walking back home. The girl’s attire was different, but her hair and manner told Dialga it was the same girl, and her Pikachu acknowledged Dialga once again, waving its chubby arm. As Dialga nodded its head in return, it happened to see a glint around the Pikachu’s neck. It had a red necklace made out of a suspiciously familiar chain. Before Dialga could say or do anything, the girl and her Pikachu had turned a corner and were out of sight.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Alternate WWII stories where the Axis powers were victorious are rather common. Unfortunately, I did not really have the time to do a lot of research on the subject, or make a full alternate history of my own, so I based this particular scenario off of the universe in Philip K. Dick’s The Man in the High Castle, the only book in this particular alternate history genre that I’ve have a chance to read personally. It’s a very good book and comes highly recommended.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Here's ours, written by prof. light, and maybepossiblyeaglebutidunno. (Why I let that title slide I have no idea.)

The three Pokemon looked around; they didn’t understand the place they were in; it was nothing like anything they had ever seen before. Rivers ran vertical, the ground was above them, and beneath them? Was it ground too? They couldn’t tell. It was a land with no land... They were standing on top of a rock which was in turn, floating in the void. There was no sun, yet there was light.

The three Pokemon started to walk, somewhere, anywhere... perhaps trying to find a way back to the area where they came from. It seemed so very far away. That would be hard, of course; they didn’t even know how they got there in the first place; all they saw was a ripple in a wall and the next thing they knew, they were standing in that strange place, justifiably speechless.

How long had they been walking? They couldn’t see the place they had entered from anymore, yet it seemed as if they had just started to walk a moment ago.

They guessed that they were walking upside down on a narrow path, when a shadow flew over (or under) their heads. Suddenly they were facing the most terrifying creature they had ever seen in their lives; it had a long body, with spikes jutting out of its sides, in its back they could see shifting, undulating tentacles, like they were made of shadows, and in its end, a golden mask that could barely distract from the unnerving eyes hiding beneath it.

“KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! What is this? Pokemon? Here? You’re trespassing!”

“The Pokemon were understandably shocked; where was this voice coming from? Was it the creature’s own?”

“SPEAK! What are you doing here?”
“S… sorry, sir… I… I think we’re lost… where are we?”, one of the Pokemon stammered.
“I know you’re lost, you puny Pokemon! This is the Distortion World! You can’t be anything but lost here! KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!”
“Could...could you just tell us the d…directions out of here... uhhh... sir?”

The beast’s sanguine eyes glared at each quivering Pokemon, who were becoming more frantic with each passing second.

“HA! Directions! Like that would help you! Haven’t you heard me? There is no “directions” here. No...no, I have a better idea about what to do with trespassers like you.”
“Um..m..us? We..we’re just lost, er, sir. N..no need to er..”
“Well, aren’t you a nervous lot? KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!” the voice boomed
“Are… are you going to... eat us?”, said the smaller of the Pokemon, quivering in fear.
“Eat? Now that’s a good idea! KAKAKAKA!”

The creature landed, shaking the ground, in front of the Pokemon who were huddled together, terrified. It opened its maw menacingly and…

“KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!”

The Pokemon opened their eyes, still shivering.

“KAKAKA! you’re a funny lot. Why would I eat you? Time doesn’t move here, I have no need to eat.”
“Will you… show us the way then? Please?”

“We’ll see... if I feel like it.”, said the voice, with a hint of malice. “Follow me”.

The creature lifted, flying down the path, and the Pokemon clumsily tried to follow it.
After some time of walking one of the Pokemon tugged on one of the creature’s spikes.

“S...sir… what is this place?”
“Do you have trouble hearing? The Distortion World.”
“Y… yes, s...sir, we heard… but what is it? Why is it so... weird?”
“Weird? KAKAKAKAKA! You ignorant Pokemon! My world is as weird to you as your world is weird to me! This world… this world is my domain. My father sent me here millenia ago. Or was it yesterday? Who knows? Maybe he just sent me here. KAKAKKAKAAKAKAKA!”
“S… sir, are you al… alright?”, asked one of the Pokemon.
“That doesn’t make sense!”, said another.

The creature looked at it angrily, and waved its tail, as if it were showing them their surroundings.

“As I told you before, you puny pokemon... “sense” is relative. You’re in a place where your precious “time” and “space” don’t exist… a place that is not a place, yet it is all places. Where a second lasts as long as your entire life, if you even have a life here.”
“Then what is it?”

The creature stopped.

“It is… a prison.”

The Pokemon were starting to feel more at ease, but after that last remark, they started trembling again.
The creature continued to move.

Some time later, another one of the Pokemon tugged on the creature’s spike.

“You said this was a prison. For whom?”

The creature looked at the Pokemon angrily again; that nosy Pokemon was starting to grate him; at least the others had the common sense to fear him. He got his head close to the Pokemon, and said simply:

“For me”

The Pokemon backed off for a moment.

“Why?”
“If… if you want to tell us… of course”, said the second Pokemon, while the third one dragged the first to the back

The creature slowed down.

“I was too dangerous for your world. Wherever I went, death and destruction followed me; All you puny creatures feared me; my power, so my father cast me out… here.”

“And… and couldn’t you just stop with all that death and destructmmmmffff?” asked the pokemon, before his companions covered his mouth.

“KAKAKAKAKAKAKA! Stop! how amusing... why would I stop? You are the weak ones. My father was right to fear my power. Besides… this place… I am its prisoner as I am its guardian.”

“What does that mean?” the third Pokemon asked.

“Your puny, weak world depends on the distortion world to exist... the old man likes dualities, you see. When my brothers were born, there was a duality, just like he liked, but when I showed up, just a shadow of them, he didn’t know what to do. KAKAKAKA! The old man, DOUBTING! Can you imagine? KAKAKAKAKAKAKA!”

The creature shook its tail violently, in a fit of laughter.

“Then, when it was obvious that my power could not be contained, my father sent me here, to this world, a shadow of yours, as I was a shadow of my brothers. He told me I was to protect this place, because whoever entered this wretched dimension wouldn’t do it with good intentions.”

“Ummm… we… we do have good intentions, sir… we came here by accident.”

The creature didn’t listen. Or pretended not to.

“So... here I am, destroying things and wreaking havoc at my leisure in this world while you small creatures toil away in your pathetic little world and my brothers put up with you.”

The creature stopped in front of a tall wall and touched it with one of its tentacles. The wall rippled, as if it was made of water.

“That’s your exit, now go... before I regret it.”

“th… thanks… sir” said the pokemon as it crossed over.

The second pokemon, still muffling its partner, pushed him into the ripple and moved towards it himself, but stopped and looked back.

“Sir… you haven’t told us your name- he said, looking at the fearsome creature, who was already flying away

The creature stopped for a moment.

“My name... My name is... Giratina.” he said, before flying away.

I'll read the Diamonds story tomorrow. Too tired right now.
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

I think this'll work...
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O1SaMd5z2oUlcfslgEAI1Bo_JAQ7QviU-9DekMOJyF4

If you want my criricism, Athena, which you probably don't, you forgot pluralize "kimonos" at one stage.
"Women walked along the streets wearing sandals and beautifully coloured kimono."

Other than that, the grammar is perfect, and the plot was pretty imaginative, too. Even if you did base it on a book... Whatever. My one nit pick would be there was little development of characters, which if you do read our team's... Novel... You will realize I quite enjoy! :p
 
RE: The Challenge: Season 5

Machamp The Champion said:
Here's ours, written by prof. light, and maybepossiblyeaglebutidunno. (Why I let that title slide I have no idea.)

Oh, shush, that title was perfect. Très magnifique, pardon my french.
 
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