Writing Feral Twilight (PG-13/Locked to start better threads)

[Zyflair]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated)

Whoo, what a twisting chapter.

So Chapter Two certainly introduces quite a few major key points, one of them most strikingly surrounding Feral's freak of nature that almost everyone shuns. The story is only just setting up, isn't it? The question was rhetoric: with so much introductory description of new characters, this whole chapter could almost be summarizied with the creation of a bunch of profiles.

Almost.

Profiling is a nice way of describing a new character, but so much more could be done about it. You can certainly describe appearences, but you don't describe action near as much, which is terribly important: how a person acts defines the person's inside, something mere description of a person cannot accomplish. I cannot see the emotions of others well enough because I can't see them as they become emotive; don't just use dialogue to convey any of that. It's a novel, not a play.

Speaking of dialogue, I found the crude language not really inappropriate... but unecessary. Was there really no way you could actually get informal without pulling so many words like that out of your a- *shot*

/me collapses to the ground, dead.

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated)

Whoo, what a twisting chapter.

So Chapter Two certainly introduces quite a few major key points, one of them most strikingly surrounding Feral's freak of nature that almost everyone shuns. The story is only just setting up, isn't it? The question was rhetoric: with so much introductory description of new characters, this whole chapter could almost be summarizied with the creation of a bunch of profiles.

Almost.

Profiling is a nice way of describing a new character, but so much more could be done about it. You can certainly describe appearences, but you don't describe action near as much, which is terribly important: how a person acts defines the person's inside, something mere description of a person cannot accomplish. I cannot see the emotions of others well enough because I can't see them as they become emotive; don't just use dialogue to convey any of that. It's a novel, not a play.

Speaking of dialogue, I found the crude language not really inappropriate... but unecessary. Was there really no way you could actually get informal without pulling so many words like that out of your a- *shot*

* Zyflair collapses to the ground, dead.

Truth be told, this was probably harder for me to revise than the first chapter because I literally hadn't looked at it in over seven, eight months or more. Still, I definitely intend to go back and redo stuff, that you can pretty much count on (the language I can cut down on or just cut out all together because the only reason I used it was to familiarize myself with how to develop dark/flawed characters when I started this version of the project back in early '08, and I've kind of become sick of it myself...not because it's against cussing's against the rules, but because it just sounds unprofessional to me).

My real beef with this chapter was how issues such as race and prejudice would go over. That wasn't too much, was it? Though, if I still have to work on describing character actions, I guess some of the stuff I tried to portray was kind of lost in the context... Oh, well. I'm still going to go back and redo a bit of this...or try to at least. Actually, my Creative Writing professor in junior college said a lot of the same stuff about my short stories, and that (when I finally get my act together) I describe people/creatures with point-perfect details but their actions and dialogue suffer for it. Hopefully I get this all down-pact before I get too far into this, though I guess I can't make promises.

In any case, thanks for the critique; it really helps!

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex status: temporarily suspended)

For the record, I’m not posting these Fakedex updates in any specific order, though I plan on keeping their links in numerical order based on a list I made up on a ‘if these were in the game’ basis. Of course, to save a little space in my table of contents, they’re coupled in their family groups or respective series (for instance, my legendary triad and their ‘boss’ will be going together as will its rival with a series of stronger beasts that supposedly created it; I won’t give out all the details now, otherwise there’d be no point in doing this story to begin with…).

In any case, this series of Fakemon are kind of special to me because they were the very first ones I ever made (that were actually my own…technically, Skunter’s pre-evo came first, but it was originally a Fakemon my sister made that she let me use after she got out of Pokémon). They might not be much, but I though the idea was interesting, since we still haven’t seen any actual wolves in Pokémon (everything but, it seems like…), much less Dragonite-rank ones.

Spoiler

Optipug

• Type: Normal
• Name’s Origin: Optipug is derived from a combination of ‘optic’ and ‘pug,’ giving the insinuation that the dog should have awesome eyesight, though in reality it’s completely blind (a contradiction, I know, but I just wanted to be cute…and maybe a little weird).
• Classification: Alert Pokémon
• Height: 2’ 3”
• Weight: 57 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 75% Male/25% Female
• Egg: Ground
• Base Stats: Health, Attack, Defense, Special Attack, Special Defense, and Speed (all around)-moderately high and relatively equal
• Ability: Preempt-If Optipug detects that its attacker is going to use a move with a Power rating more than 60, it strikes first and follows up with a mimic version of the move Detect to avoid damage the rest of the turn.
• Limestone Entry: Optipug are blind from the moment they are born and cannot open their eyes until they evolve. However, they’re other senses are so strong that some people believe the Pokémon have extrasensory perception.
• Slate Entry: It isn’t completely understood why Optipug live within the tight-knit packs of Lupudle. However, some scientists theorized that pack bonding might be intertwined with its unusual evolution cycle.
• Coal Entry: Apparently the lowest-ranking member in its family group, Optipug never venture alone in the wild. If one ever gets attacked, the creature’s brethren ruthlessly strike down the offender with the utmost prejudice.
• Evolution Lines: 1. If it likes its trainers even just a little by the time it reaches Level 15, Optipug will evolve into Lupudle. After that, it can evolve into Metalupus at Level 50 when it’s fully friendly and wearing the Amity Helmet (description: a beautiful helmet forged from pure silver and shaped for a canine’s head. It drastically boosts the physical strength and overall stamina of any dog Pokémon that holds it); 2. if it is the least bit spiteful of its trainer by the time it reaches Level 15, Optipug will evolve into Caniclops. After that, it can evolve into Canersia at Level 50 if it’s totally hateful and wearing the Odium Mask (in-game description: an ominous mask forged from pure copper and shaped for a canine’s face. It drastically boosts the spiritual strength and psychic resilience of any dog Pokémon that holds it).
• Appearances: In Limestone, Slate, and Coal, it can be found in the Dallinos Woods of Ronac’s eastern Mainland but is somewhat rare. Its catch rate is low, due to it being a pseudo-legendary Pokémon.
• Lifespan: 96 years
• Vision/Perception: Blind

Moveset

• 1-Reaper Fang-Ghost: A rare biting attack known only by the servants of Nostalgia’s King with so much intensity that it pulls out the victim’s soul, knocking it out instantly. Unlike most one-hit KO moves, this move’s accuracy increases by five percent after every turn and works unaffectedly by level differences or preventive abilities; though, some Pokémon (such as the Doxi-series and the super-legendaries) will be completely immune due to special circumstances regarding their state of being. Accuracy: 10 Category: Physical PP: 5
• 1-Bark
• 5-Eerie Bay-Ghost: The user cries sadly at the heavens, summoning a darkened veil the envelopes all of the Pokémon on the battlefield to prevent escape. Soundproof cannot stop this effect, and it lasts even if the user faints. PP: 10
• 10-Wolf Roar-Normal: After growling for the first half of the turn, the user suddenly roars so terrifyingly at its foes that they not only get forced back into their Poké Balls, but also take critical damage the next time they appear. The echoes of this attack also hurt the next Pokémon sent out. Note: it just causes regular damage to wild Pokémon or when there aren’t any Pokémon left to switch with. Power: 60 Accuracy: 95 Category: Special PP: 10
• 15-Odor Sleuth
• 20-Trepidation-Ghost: The Pokémon unleashes a scary howl that echoes through the minds of the others on the battlefield, reawakening memories of traumatic experiences. This leaves the afflicted with the Traumatized status condition (likely to flinch after every attack). And, while it affects all other creatures regardless of type or preventive ability, it won’t do anything to members of the Doxi family. Power: 50 Accuracy: 90 Category: Special PP: 30
• 25-Flip Flop Flux
• 30-Trick Room
• 35-Last Resort
• 40-Farewell Hex-Ghost: Only if it’s used all of its other attacks even once, the user can use this move to a terrifying spell in a primitive language (Quofyi from the story) that causes it to forfeit all of its health in order to take out the others at the end of the next turn. Category: Special PP: 5
• Egg-Crunch
• Egg-Fire Fang
• Egg-Ice Fang
• Egg-Thunder Fang
• Egg-Ultimatum-Dark: After completely exhausting its other moves, the user can strike a bargain with its opponents. If anyone attacks it during the following turn, the user will automatically retaliate with a devastating blow that makes its enemy faint instantly. Category: Physical PP: 5
• Egg-Aspiration-Ghost: The Pokémon unleashes a sad howl that reverberates through the minds of the others on the battlefield, reawakening memories of overwhelming greed. This leaves the afflicted with the Insubordinate status condition (likely to disobey). Like Trepidation, it won’t do anything to members of the Doxi family. Power: 50 Accuracy: 90 Category: Special PP: 30
• Egg-Ferocity-Ghost: The Pokémon unleashes an angry howl that reverberates throughout the minds of all others on the battlefield, reawakening memories of intense aggression. This leaves the afflicted with the Hostile status condition (Confused, with Attack and Special Attack increasing every turn until the end of battle). Like Trepidation and Aspiration, it doesn’t affect members of the Doxi family. Power: 50 Accuracy: 90 Category: Special
• Egg-Battle Cry
• Egg-Mock
• Egg-Mal Corona-Dark: As a show of its malice towards it’s enemy, the user exudes a powerful dark aura that enshrouds its entire body in a nearly pitch-black cloud or mist. Because of this, the Pokémon itself becomes a pure Dark-type for the remainder of battle. This also negates the effects of Miracle Eye on the user and makes it impossible for other such moves to dispel increased evasion with moves such as Double Team.
• Tutor (Ex-Champ Jay at the Forest Ruins north of Pawford)-Lupine Terror-??? (Originally, this was a Dog-type attack…but that was back when I first came up with this move and was using made-up types, though I’ve long since stopped that): Drawing strength from its fallen partners, the user unleashes a devastating counterattack on its foe, which summons the spirits of ravenous wolves. Its power rating equals 50 multiplied by the number of fainted Pokémon, and this move never misses. Category: Unknown (strength determined by both physical and special stats) PP: 5

Lupudle

• Types: Normal and Fighting
• Name’s Origin: Lupudle is a simple combo of ‘lupus,’ the Latin word for wolf, and ‘poodle,’ which is kind of remnant from the original concept version called Choodle.
• Classification: Loyalty Pokémon
• Height: 3’ 11”
• Weight: 109 lbs
• Dimorphisms: Males have somewhat shorter locks than females do, and (less noticeably) the females have fur that isn’t as matted as that of the males.
• Egg: Ground
• Base Stats: Health-moderate, Attack-high, Defense-high, Special Attack-low, Special Defense-low, Speed-moderate
• Ability: Camaraderie-As it becomes more friendly with its trainer, Lupudle will begin to strike critical hits more often than normal Pokémon would (a note: this ability only exists for a Lupudle raised from an Optipug)./Feral (wild Lupudle’s ability)-The Pokémon will never obey its trainer, no matter how many badges he or she has, and will always attack wildly, even striking its partner in double battles.
• Limestone Entry: Despite its appearance, Lupudle are very strong combatants and equally loyal companions. They will never disobey the ones who raised them lovingly from their infancy as an Optipug.
• Slate Entry: In the wild, Lupudle are the subordinate members within a male Metalupus’s pack. They are brought up under his strict bylaws and are very steadfast in the behavior they take on from their father.
• Coal Entry: Due to their innate ability to tone out distractions and endure strenuous workouts, Lupudle are preferred over Growlithe as police dogs in Ronac’s K-9 units. Even if injured, they’ll keep going until their assignments are complete.
• Appearances: In Limestone, Slate, and Coal, it can be found in the Dallinos Woods and is very common. However, its catch rate is extremely low.
• Lifespan: 96 years
• Vision/Perception: Low tones stick out a lot for Lupudle while bright ones look dull or grayish.

Moveset

• 1-Reaper Fang
• 1-Bark
• 5-Eerie Bay
• 10-Wolf Roar
• 15-Return
• 23-Double Kick
• 30-Bulk Up
• 38-Crunch
• 45-Eden’s Peace-Psychic: The user turns its head to the heavens with its eyes closed, listening for ancestral whispers that sing of times long past when all was at peace. Then, its spirit calms to the point where the next focused attack does more than twice normal damage (2.25 times normal). PP: 5
• 53-Thrust Kick-Fighting: Lupudle balances on its tail and taunts its foe the first turn. If the foe tries use a physical attack the next turn, the wolf kicks the target brutally in the stomach or abdomen without fail. This has a 50% chance of paralyzing the victim. Power: 95 Category: Physical PP: 10
• 60-Feral Fang
• Tutor-Lupine Terror

Metalupus

• Types: Normal and Steel
• Name’s Origin: Metalupus is a combination of ‘metal’ and ‘lupus,’ basically translating into ‘metal-wolf.’
• Classification: Gallant Pokémon
• Height: 6’ 5”
• Weight: 239 lbs
• Dimorphisms: Like Lupudle, females have longer, more flowing manes than the males do. However, only males have the eye-pawmark insignia on the back of their armored shells.
• Egg: Ground
• Base Stats: Health-moderately high, Attack-maximum, Defense-very high, Special Attack-very low, Special Defense-very low, Speed-moderately high
• Ability: Jupiter’s Hull (ones raised from and Optipug)-Metalupus’s armor gains the power to prevent all status problems, the negative effects of enemy abilities, critical hits, instant knockouts, and recoil damage so long as the Pokémon is as friendly as it can possibly be towards its trainer. Anything less, and this ability has absolutely no effect at all./Feral (wild ones only)
• Limestone Entry: Metalupus is believed to be the very embodiment of chivalry, having learned the same code of conduct from its forefathers for generations. It is a powerful warrior that will stop at nothing to protect those dearest to it.
• Slate Entry: The Dallinos Tribe of Ronac had revered Metalupus for years before any other settlers came to the region’s shores. However, the presumption that it was a hostile predator just waiting to kill almost led to the species’ extinction in the early 1900s.
• Coal Entry: An old Dallinos folklore spoke of a tribal huntsman whom journeyed deep into the forests of Ronac and encountered a beast so terrifying that it’s mere presence reawakened primal fears. Many believe this creature was Metalupus.
• Appearance: Lime, Slate, and Coal, it can be found outside the Forest Ruins near Marble Town, but only one appears each month on the night of the full moon. The catch rate is exceedingly low, however. Also, they appear in the Tower of Beyi-geyi Leyi-geyi atop Mount Corona and the Otulp Abyss but rarely, as well as in Beyi Quofyi (World of Nostalgia/Memories) commonly but they’re always over Level 85 and none of them can be caught due to them being nothing but illusions.
• Lifespan: 96 years
• Vision/Perception: Metalupus sees the same as it did as Lupudle.

Moveset

• 1-Moonlight
• 1-Nostalgic Eve-Ghost: Darkness covers the battlefield, along with the glow of reminiscent moonbeams. Their energies double the strength of all Dark, Ghost, Water, and Psychic moves while cutting the strength of Fighting, Grass, and Fire moves in half for the next five turns. During this time, Moonlight fully restores health, Morning Sun becomes useless, and Normal Pokémon are vulnerable to Ghost attacks. PP: 5
• 1-Wraith Run-Ghost: Turning into an intangible phantom, the user relentlessly attacks its opponent over the course of two or three turns, wreaking havoc on both its body and mind. If the target goes to sleep during the time this is used, it takes on the Nightmare and Traumatized statuses. However, using this move leaves the user confused due to exhaustion (in the same way Petal Dance, Outrage, and Thrash do). Caution: the moves Shadow Force, Solemn Blaze, Breach, and Twilight Ram can strike through this, dealing twice their normal damage and disrupting the assault. Power: 90 Accuracy: 90 Category: Physical PP: 10
• 1-Reaper Fang
• 1-Bark
• 5-Eerie Bay
• 10-Wolf Roar
• 15-Return
• 23-Double Kick
• 30-Bulk Up
• 38-Crunch
• 45-Eden’s Peace
• 50-Twilight Ram
• 65-Talon Slice-Steel: Metalupus’s signature attack allows it to slash its target with its amazing sharp talons to cause serious damage. Its critical hit ratio goes up the more Metalupus likes its trainer. Power: 100 Accuracy: 90 Category: Physical PP: 10
• 80-Double-edge
• 95-Feral Fang
• Tutor-Lupine Terror

Caniclops

• Types: Normal and Psychic
• Name’s Origin: Caniclops is a combo of ‘Canis’ (Latin for ‘dog’) and ‘Cyclops’ (the monster from The Odyssey). Also, the first four letters in its name can be rearranged to spell Cain, the Biblical character who killed his brother Abel and was banished from the Garden of Eden (similar idea here, at least in terms of treachery).
• Classification: Dissention Pokémon
• Height: 3’ 7”
• Weight: 98 lbs
• Egg: Ground
• Base Stats: Health-moderate, Attack-low, Defense-low, Special Attack-high, Special Defense-moderate, Speed-very high
• Ability: Withdrawal-As Caniclops becomes more resentful of its trainer, the beast’s critical hit ratio increases.
• Limestone Entry: Many people in Ronac despise Caniclops, which was outcast from its pack due to deceitful nature and disloyal actions. While its physique is relatively weak, the Pokémon is constantly trying to strengthen its psychic prowess.
• Slate Entry: After enduring years of repression, some Optipug begin to question Metalupus’s authority so much that their form starts to change. The Caniclops that evolve from this hatred become so rebellious that they may kill their own siblings.
• Coal Entry: Because its eyes remain sealed after evolution, Caniclops have to learn how to develop their untapped psychokinetic abilities in order to see. Some of these become so adept with their powers that not even Dark-type Pokémon can withstand them.
• Appearance: Lime, Slate, and Coal, it can be found inside the Forest Ruins near Marble Town, but only occasionally. Its catch rate is exceedingly low, however.
• Lifespan: 96 years
• Vision/Perception: Blind, but ESP lets it see things in a type of grayscale. It’s always aware of immediate thoughts of all nearby people and creatures.

Moveset

• 1-Quantum Web-Psychic: By psychically scoring the Space-Time Continuum, the user creates an intricate web of overlapping realities that randomly resets the levels, movesets, and evolution stages of all Pokémon on the battlefield. Note: these changes are permanent, but they do not affect Metalupus or Canersia so long as their respective abilities are active nor the Legendaries. PP: 20
• 1-Reaper Fang
• 1-Bark
• 5-Eerie Bay
• 10-Wolf Roar
• 15-Ultimatum
• 23-Mind Lock-Dark: By employing a heinous spiritual power, the user forces its target to become completely obsessed with the last move it used, forcing the victim to use it for the remainder of battle. PP: 20
• 30-Soul Roulette-Psychic: All Pokémon on the battlefield return to their Poké Balls momentarily and get thrown into an illusionary roulette wheel. After several spins around, they each land inside one of eight slots and receive its marked effect (spiral=confusion, eye=forced focus/Mind Lock effect, triangle=depleted PP, skull=depleted HP, plus sign=full health restored, minus sign=random status problem, up arrow=sharply-raised stats, down arrow=sharply-reduced stats). This can only be used during a trainer battle, however, and won’t have any effect against wild Pokémon. Category: Special PP: 15
• 38-Dark Pulse
• 45-Hadean Cortex-Ghost: The user envisions the realm of departed souls, drawing from their painful memories just to intensify its own malice. This trance results in a terrifying power spike that makes the next thought attack cause more than twice its normal damage (2.25 times, like Eden’s Peace). PP: 5
• 53-Psycannon-Psychic: Caniclops senses its target’s psychokinetic signature the first turn, and then unleashes a sphere of its psychokinetic energy that never misses the enemy. This has a 50% chance of paralyzing the target. Power: 95 Category: Special PP: 10
• 60-Pulsar Jet-Psychic: The user creates a white dwarf in front its face that wobbles awkwardly, emitting several beams of energy and particles that hit all enemies with incredible force. This attack has a 75% chance of leaving its targets confused. Power: 150 Accuracy: 90 Category: Special PP: 5
• Tutor-Lupine Terror

Canersia

• Types: Psychic and Dark
• Name’s Origin: Canersia is a combination of ‘Canis’ and ‘inertia,’ in essence describing it as a ‘motionless-dog,’ which makes some poetic sense since this creature only moves as it needs to and very slowly at that so that it can focus as much as possible on its endless meditation.
• Classification: Ascetic Pokémon
• Height: 5’ 11”
• Weight: 159 lbs
• Egg: None
• Base Stats: Health-moderate, Attack-very low, Defense-very low, Special Attack-very high, Special Defense-moderately high, Speed-maximum
• Ability: Pluto’s Cloak-Canersia’s malice manifests itself as an invisible shroud around the beast that protects it against all status problems, the negative effects of enemy abilities, critical hits, and instant knockouts so long as it continues to hate its trainer as much as it possibly can. Anything less, and this ability has no effect. Side note: due to its hostile nature in general, Canersia cannot be controlled and will attack on its own.
• Limestone Entry: Dallinos mythology depicts Canersia as a demonic presence that forsook all of life’s pleasures to achieve the ultimate state of consciousness. As a result, its psychic abilities are thought to be unmatched, even by legendary Pokémon.
• Slate Entry: An old Meradai story depicts Canersia as a tortured beast that became turned to asceticism after it was exiled from its pack. Some also believe the Pokémon can peer into the deepest memories of creatures and destroy them.
• Coal Entry: Canersia is widely feared by man and beast alike as though it were the angel of death. Its presence is supposedly intertwined with an end-times prophecy that the rival Dallinos and Meradai tribes scribed in ruins throughout Ronac.
• Appearance: Limestone, Slate, and Coal, it can be found the Forest Ruins and Waste Ruins, alone in the first and then partnered with a monster called Carastone in the latter; it can also be seen in the Tower of Beyi-geyi Leyi-geyi, but cannot be caught in any of these areas.
• Lifespan: Endless
• Vision/Perception: The Nostalgic Gaze lets Canersia see the memories of all conscious beings; lower eyes focus on present and past memories, while the uppers focus on future and off-branching/nonexistent ones.

Moveset

• 1-Eye of Truth
• 1-Time Traitor-Psychic: The user creates a microscopic black hole near its target, cutting the victim’s speed in half for the remainder of the battle. This maximizes the strength of Gyro Ball and prevents the usage of any first-strike moves that the target may have. However, it doubles the Pokémon’s speed if used after Flip Flop Flux. PP: 5
• 1-Solemn Blaze
• 1-Reaper Fang
• 1-Bark
• 5-Eerie Bay
• 10-Wolf Roar
• 15-Ultimatum
• 23-Mind Lock
• 30-Flip Flop Flux
• 38-Dark Pulse
• 45-Hadean Cortex
• 50-Chastise-Psychic: Canersia’s signature move lets it strike down its target with purple energy whips. This move has a critical hit ratio that increases the more Canersia hates its trainer. It also has a 50% chance of leaving the target paralyzed. Power: 100 Accuracy: 90 Category: Special PP: 10
• 65-Nostalgic Eve
• 80-Echoed Plight-Dark: The user levitates its entire body and suddenly flies into another dimension to avoid getting hit for several turns (the time the creature returns isn’t set, but it normally does between three and five turns), and suddenly attacks its opponent from out of nowhere with an unavoidable charge. Sometime during the turns following the initial, two shockwaves will hit the target, each dealing half the damage that it first received. Should the foe have fainted, they hit its replacement with a quarter of the damage apiece. Power: 60 Category: Special PP: 20
• 95-Shine Vector-Steel: Streaming unstable particles and colliding them into one another, the user creates antimatter that releases beautiful microcosmic blasts in the immediate area. Almost immediately, these cause the dimensions of reality to twist and contort to the point of breaking, thus causing severe damage to all Pokémon on the battlefield including the user. Power: 200 Accuracy: 100 Category: Special PP: 5
• Tutor-Lupine Terror

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 6/19/2010)

Spoiler

Skunette (boy)/(girl)

• Types: Dark and Psychic
• Name’s Origin: Skunette, as its name suggests, is a combination of ‘skunk’ and the feminine-sounding suffix ‘-ette.’ While it may not be very obvious, this Pokémon is actually based on two main ideas: the first being a ‘what-if’ scenario in which the striped skunk were made a pet by the fictitious Dallinos tribe (which itself is based loosely on the Iroquois Native American tribes) of the Ronac region and, what’s more, if they spoiled the creature to the point where it wanted to become more humanlike (shown by how the evolved forms having taken bipedal stances, and the entire family line was capable of speaking…or, at least in the world of my fan fiction); the second idea, unique to this Pokémon though, is that this critter is in essence a type of forest nymph endowed with the power to make almost any Pokémon relive its childhood by causing them to fully revert to their infantile shape.
• Classification: Innocence Pokémon
• Height: 1’ 4”
• Weight: 13 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 25% Male/75% Female
• Dimorphisms: The key difference between the boys and girls of this species (as well as its evolved forms) is their eye color. Males have emerald-green eyes, and females have sapphire-blue ones. Also, there are some other slight differences in their hairstyles; boys have a puff of hair sticking out atop their crowns, while girls have the same locks pulled back into a ponytail.
• Egg: Ground/Humanlike
• Base Stats: Health-moderate, Attack-moderately low, Defense-low, Special Attack-moderately low, Special Defense-low, Speed-moderately high
• Ability: Basic Nature-Skunette’s ability, by far, would one of the most annoying to get stuck fighting against. At the very moment this Pokémon appears, it automatically causes virtually every Pokémon (the only exceptions being Skunette’s evolved forms, certain legendaries, as well as Metalupus and Canersia so long as their respective abilities are active) to revert back to level one, completely de-evolve, and erases any unnatural stat bonuses gained by EV training; however, the moves that Pokémon knew upon entering battle remain completely the same (including those that the creatures could only learn in their evolved forms). This ability won’t get disabled due to the effects of Mold Breaker, Gastro Acid, or (my Psychic-type fake move) Cripple, nor do its effects stop after the first round of combat. Also, its effects are permanent for all player-raised Pokémon (even after linked matches, though Skunette would probably be prohibited in online battles and in the Battle Frontier). Despite its potency, however, this power will become disabled if Skunette is holding onto any item that isn’t a berry.
• Limestone Entry: The early Dallinos tribe of Ronac believed that Skunette was a spirit that embodied the innocence of all beings. As such, it has long been said that just owning one would cause a person to age in reverse.
• Slate Entry: Skunette was originally thought to have came about over ten-thousand years ago, after aborigines kept its ancestors as pets. Because they spoiled the skunks so much, the Pokémon started to take on humanlike characteristics.
• Coal Entry: A Pokémon common to the southeastern woodlands of Ronac, Skunette is widely sought for its gentle nature and friendly demeanor. Trainers must be cautious, however, as just being near this Pokémon will cause others revert to their childhood forms.
• Appearance: Lime, Slate, and Coal, it can be found in the forest areas just north of Pawford City and is very common. The catch rate is very high, as well.
• Lifespan: Approximately 65 years
• Evolution Line: As if it’s wacky ability were enough to drive people nuts, Skunette’s evolution family would probably push them over the edge with frustration. While the male evolves relatively normally by becoming Skunanne at Level 25 (same as the female does) and then into Skunter at Level 60 (so long as no stat enhancing items like HP Up and Protein are used on him, he hasn’t been groomed, or eaten/drank any Contest/Pokéathelon trait boosting items such as Poffins, Pokéblocks, Aprijuice, or anything that replaces these in the future), the female’s final evolution requires nothing less than the patience of a saint to acquire. In order to get a female Skunanne to evolve into Skuntress, one must first get her friendship rating to its absolute max without the use of friendship-increasing berries; next, she needs to be spoiled with stat-enhancing items (specifically Carbos, Zinc, and Calcium since she’s prefers special attacks and is quite speedy); finally, her Beauty rating from her Contest attributes has to be raised to its highest possible level…and all of this has to be done before she reaches Level 60 (any time after that, and the girl Skunanne will never evolve. The same case goes for Skunter if a boy Skunanne’s traits aren’t left alone until he reaches Level 60).
• Vision/Perception: Surprisingly humanlike, though these creature’s eyes are better developed for nighttime than day (the first in which the see sharper than any person could, and the latter their sight become a little blurred). Also, their senses are honed to the point where they exhibit some ESP, allowing them to sense the presence of people and Pokémon nearby.

Moveset

• 1-Poison Gas
• 1-Sweet Kiss
• 1-Charm
• 4-Sleep Spray-Poison: The user sprays a sticky chemical into the eyes of its foe that glues the victim’s eyes shut and slowly seeps into its nasal cavity, where a soothing smell then dulls the creature’s senses and puts it into a deep relaxing slumber. This lasts for between five and eight turns, temporarily suppresses abilities such as Early Bird and Vital Spirit, and will not be cured by items such as Chesto and Lum Berries or Awakening and Full Heal. PP: 15
• 7-Confusion
• 10-Pepper Spray-Poison: The user sprays a terrible eye irritant at its opponents face in order to blind it for several turns, temporarily cutting the accuracy of its moves in half. This last for between five and eight turns, but will never affect Poison-type Pokémon. PP: 15
• 14-Faint Attack
• 18-Swagger
• 22-Flatter
• 26-Gnaw
• 30-Vile Musk-Poison: The user sprays a superheated chemical at its opponent with such an overwhelming discharge that the attacker is forced to rest for the next turn. This move is always guaranteed to burn its target, so long as it hits and the opponent isn’t a Fire-type. Power: 150 Accuracy: 90 Category: Physical PP: 5
• Egg-Extrasensory
• Egg-Night Slash
• Egg-Battle Cry
• Egg-Memento
• Egg-Psycho Cut
• Egg-Eerie Bay
• Egg-Perish Song
• Egg-Mind Reader
• Egg-Dream Eater
• Egg-Trepidation
• Egg-Ferocity
• Egg-Aspiration
• Egg-Dynamic Punch
• Tutor (Melissa at her home on Maritide Island after defeating Meg and the Elite Four)-Selene Cry (Female Only)-Psychic: The user bays a mystical chant in praise of the moon’s beauty and bounty. This puts all other Pokémon on the battlefield to sleep regardless of type or ability. PP: 5

Skunanne

• Types: Dark and Psychic
• Name’s Origin: Like Skunette, Skunanne is a combination of ‘skunk’ and the feminine-sounding suffix ‘-anne.’
• Classification: Spoiled Pokémon
• Height: 3’ 3”
• Weight: 47 lbs
• Dimorphisms: Like its pre-evo, Skunanne has some very distinct gender difference. Again, the males have green eyes and the females have blue ones. However, since their hair is grown out more, males now have dreadlocks (like Skunter also has) and females have combed locks with long braids (which ultimately give way to full locks when she evolves into Skuntress). Also, while it may not be too noticeable, boys have slightly messier fur than females have.
• Egg: Ground/Humanlike
• Base Stats: Health-moderate, Attack-moderate, Defense-moderately low, Special Attack-moderate, Special Defense-moderately low, Speed-high
• Abilities: Belligerence (male only)-Upon entering battle, the Pokémon’s physical attacks automatically double in strength and accuracy; however, the creature won’t obey any of its trainer’s commands, regardless of how many badges the player has or even if the ability becomes suppressed by Gastro Acid or Cripple./Arrogance (female only)-Upon entering battle, the Pokémon’s special attacks automatically double in strength and accuracy; however, like Belligerence, the creature won’t obey any of its trainer’s commands.
• Limestone Entry: Skunanne bear an almost uncanny resemblance to human children when spotted from a distance. Because of this, they’ve found it very easy to adapt to life in cities and even make themselves the pamper pets of trainers unaware of their cruel disposition.
• Slate Entry: Due to their spoiled natures, most Pokémon trainers shun amongst Skunanne, especially those who released them back into the wild. It’s advised that anybody who dares to keep one must take extreme caution so that they don’t evolve further.
• Coal Entry: It’s believed that, while their behaviors are different, male and female Skunanne ultimately just want to be wild again. As such, many people release them back into the wild, so they can form family groups that rival the tribes that originally lived in Ronac.
• Appearance: Lime, Slate, and Coal, they can be found anywhere in the Dallinos Woods, though they’re slightly rare during the day but extremely common at night. Their catch rate is relatively low.
• Lifespan: Approximately 65 years
• Vision/Perception: Like Skunette, Skunanne can see better at night than it can during the day, but its vision is otherwise humanlike. Also its ESP is fairly well developed compared to it’s pre-evo, even giving it the ability to foresee events moments before they happen.

Moveset

• 1-Poison Gas
• 1-Sweet Kiss
• 1-Sleep Spray
• 1-Pepper Spray
• 5-Confusion
• 10-Faint Attack
• 15-Swagger (Male only)
• 15-Flatter (Female only)
• 20-Gnaw
• 25-Covet
• 30-Night Slash
• 35-Psycho Cut
• 40-Dark Pulse
• 45-Psychic
• 50-Memento
• 55-Battle Cry (Male only)
• 55-Flirt (Female only)-Dark: The user cuddles up to its foe, as though to flirt with it. Then it puts the victim under a hypnotic spell that makes it become Insubordinate and causes it to attack wildly, even at its partner in double battles. PP: 5
• 60-Vile Musk
• Tutor-Selene Cry (Female only)

Skunter

• Types: Dark and Psychic
• Name’s Origin: Unlike its previous forms, Skunter’s name is derived from a combination of ‘skunk’ and ‘hunter,’ since it’s strictly a male Pokémon and modeled (in part) after a tribal huntsman.
• Classification: Huntsman Pokémon
• Height: 6’
• Weight: 94 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 100% Male
• Egg: Ground/Humanlike
• Base Stats: Health-moderate, Attack-high, Defense-moderate, Special Attack-moderately high, Special Defense-moderate, Speed-high
• Ability: Belligerence
• Limestone Entry: With a pelt that blends almost perfectly against the darkness of night, Skunter is aptly nicknamed the “Shadow of the Forest.” His predatory instincts make him a fierce battler, though he’s feared throughout Ronac and very few people dare to own one.
• Slate Entry: Skunter is a hostile predator renowned throughout the Ronac region for his great ferocity, ninja-like agility, and split-second cunning. Those who train this beast are often shunned by other trainers due to a secret jumping attack he uses against prey in the wild.
• Coal Entry: During the day, Skunter hides himself in the seclusion of his tribal hollow. Though none have ever been found, it is speculated that this Pokémon serves as the patriarch of a multifamily clan with a culture that is distinctly their own.
• Appearance: Skunter is unique as it is the only Pokémon in Ronac that cannot be seen in the wild, even in the Tower of Beyi-geyi Leyi-geyi (in which all Pokémon from the region supposedly congregate). Instead Skunter can only be seen during a battle against the Ex-Champ Jay Christie after defeating the Elite Four and Champion Meg and then agreeing to a match with him while he’s at his parent’s home in Pawford, which will then be held outside the Forest Ruins on the outskirts of Marble Town (a little ways to the north of Pawford).
• Lifespan: Approximately 65 years
• Vision/Perception: Like it’s pre-evos, Skunter sees best at night. However, its senses are so honed that it can preempt events and attacks before they happen, as to have a slight advantage of prey it hunts in the wild.

Moveset

• 1-Fury Attack
• 1-Poison Jab
• 1-Bonemerang
• 1-Eerie Bay
• 1-Poison Gas
• 1-Sweet Kiss
• 1-Sleep Spray
• 1-Pepper Spray
• 5-Confusion
• 10-Faint Attack
• 15-Swagger
• 20-Gnaw
• 25-Covet
• 30-Night Slash
• 35-Psycho Cut
• 40-Dark Pulse
• 45-Psychic
• 50-Memento
• 55-Battle Cry
• 60-Vile Musk
• 60-Run Through-Dark: The user jabs hard into the foe with a long and sturdy pole, and keeps going until the enemy hits a wall or other solid object. Then it stops the attack, but also leaves the foe paralyzed as well. Power: 120 Accuracy: 85 Category: Physical PP: 5
• 70-Thrash
• 80-Superpower
• 90-Concussion-Psychic: More-or-less a harsher version of Zen Headbutt, the user forces all of its psychokinetic energy into a localized point on its forehead. Then, the creature rams headlong into the opponent, creating a devastating blast of psychic power on impact that hurts both the target and the attacker. The user takes just over half of the damage that this attack causes to its victim, likely making the enemy flinch (80% chance of this happening), but also leaving itself unable to fight the next turn. Also, the Rock Head ability will not prevent damage to the user because of how this move’s strength is determined by both physical and special stats. Power: 150 Accuracy: 90 Category: Unknown (strength determined by averages of Attack/Special Attack and Defense/Special Defense) PP: 5
• 100-Kamikaze Leap-Dark: Skunter’s signature attack lets the Pokémon vault high into the air at the start of the turn in order to avoid damage from all attack (save only for those that can strike while airborne). At the end of the turn, the skunk skydives onto its enemy to strike it with a sure-kill jab to the head with his staff. This move’s accuracy isn’t affected by level difference or the foe’s increased evasiveness (but note that Belligerence will automatically double the likelihood of this move striking, which is a bit higher than most one-hit knockout moves to begin with). However, this move will be rendered ineffective if the foe has an ability that prevents instant knockouts, or the target is a Steel or Rock-type Pokémon (even though it is technically a Dark-type move). Accuracy: 40 Category: Physical PP: 10

Skuntress

• Types: Dark and Psychic
• Name’s Origin: Following up Skunter’s idea, Skuntress’s name is a combination of ‘skunk’ and ‘enchantress,’ as this creature is supposedly based on two fronts: a tribal maiden and a siren (like those from Greek and/or Roman mythology…and perhaps even by default the enchantress Circe, though this creature doesn’t turn men into swine or even into skunks as one may presume).
• Classification: Siren Pokémon
• Height: 5’ 6”
• Weight: 79 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 100% Female
• Egg: Ground/Humanlike
• Base Stats: Health-moderately low, Attack-moderately high, Defense-moderately low, Special Attack-high, Special Defense-moderately high, Speed-high
• Ability: Arrogance
• Limestone Entry: A sharply cunning and equally seductive Pokémon, Skuntress woes her onlookers with her beautiful fur and sweet-sounding voice. It’s said that one can serenade for hours on end without missing a single note of her lyrics.
• Slate Entry: Skuntress is a very crafty Pokémon that lives solely for the purpose of captivating men with her beautiful looks and siren-like voice. Those put under her spell are said to have no control over their actions and inevitably vanish into Ronac’s woodlands never to be seen again.
• Coal Entry: Having been spoiled for most of her life, Skuntress evolved from Skunanne as a means to perfect her ultimate spell, a hypnotic move called Siren Song. Any creature that hears the heavenly song will be forever bound to Skuntress’s will.
• Appearance: Skuntress doesn’t appear in the wild (except only inside the mythical Tower of Beyi-geyi Leyi-geyi, but she cannot be caught there). However, during a battle against the Champion Meg Christie, the creature will appear as her lead Pokémon. Also, this is the same Pokémon used by Meg’s mother, Roselyn, but the only way she’ll accept challenges for battles is if one competes in and wins a Master Rank Pokémon Contest hosted in Deltsed City between eight and ten o’clock on Saturday nights.
• Lifespan: Approximately 65 years
• Vision/Perception: As with all the other members of her family, Skuntress sees best at nighttime, though a slight shift in her eye structure upon evolving allows her to better distinguish colors during the day. Also, her psychic powers are very well honed, making it almost impossible to deceive her as she can foresee events days before they happen and with almost perfect accuracy (which is why, in her tribe, she usually serves as a soothsayer or priestess…though that’s really an idea I might use more in Biohazard than in this story).

Moveset

• 1-Nightmare
• 1-Lucky Chant
• 1-Eerie Bay
• 1-Perish Song
• 1-Poison Gas
• Sweet Kiss
• 1-Sleep Spray
• 1-Pepper Spray
• 5-Confusion
• 10-Faint Attack
• 15-Flatter
• 20-Gnaw
• 25-Covet
• 30-Night Slash
• 35-Psycho Cut
• 40-Dark Pulse
• 45-Psychic
• 50-Memento
• 55-Flirt
• 60-Vile Musk
• 60-Siren Song-Dark: The user sings an age-old song about love and lost longing that Infatuates all opposite-gender Pokémon on the field (including the Pokémon’s partner in double battles). This move also works regardless of type or preventive abilities (those being Oblivious, Soundproof, Jupiter’s Hull/when active, and Pluto’s Cloak/when active). PP: 5
• 70-Heartbreaker
• 80-Focus Blast
• 90-Lunar Miracle-Psychic: As a defensive tactic, the user casts a spell that will fully revive the creature two turns after it’s fainted. Note: this can only be used if the Pokémon’s health is down to its critical level and this will only restore health, not Power Points. PP: 5
• 100-Sireny Wrath-Dark: Skuntress’s signature attack allows her strike down a same-gendered opponent with a display of her malice, as shown by her darkening aura enshrouding her victim and then pulling it into the netherworld with pitch black hands and tentacles. This move’s accuracy isn’t affected by level differences nor the foe’s increased evasiveness (but, like Skunter’s ability does with Kamikaze Leap, Arrogance will automatically double the likelihood of this move striking). Certain abilities can render this move useless, but otherwise it will strike all Pokémon regardless of type. Accuracy: 40 Category: Special PP: 5
• Tutor-Selene Cry

 

[Zyflair]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 6/28/2010)

I'd try to comment, but I have virtually no good experience with the video game and I never look at movesets, stats, etc., so I can't offer anything whatsoever.

I can, however, agree that it's very detailed and you put alot of effort into it, so props to that.

See, I'm useless here.

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 6/28/2010)

Hmm, I guess I should've figure as such. The exact opposite can be said about me for the TGC (not because I have anything against it, I just never got into it). Originally, the Fakedex was just something to jot down ideas for, and I only started typing it so I had something to supplement my fanfics (or vice-versa, since they go hand-in-hand so much). In retrospect, I probably could've posted it in one of the art sections, but like I said, responses for me are few and far between; at least this way I can give people a little bit of idea of what's what, if nothing else...

Also, I didn't really mean anything by that rant at the beginning of this last update...I just wanted to get that stuff off my chest, was all...

 

[Crystal Hikara]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 6/28/2010)

*cracks knuckles* Awriiiight, it's about time I got back into the critiquing scene. I've been letting Zyflair have all the fun for the most part. Granted, Zy got to it before I did, but ehhh, technicalities. I'm here, bro, and hopefully you'll be able to get something out of my little...wall. ^^';

Where to start, where to start...Zyflair left this one fairly open in terms of being able to pick and choose what I want to cover. So I think I'll dabble a little bit in each section, if that's coo' with you; if you want more help in a specific area thereafter, I'd be more than willing to explain more.

So, I suppose I'll start with the barebone basics- spelling and grammar.

Spelling is perfectly fine, although I do have a personal beef with the way you try and dodge the forum censors. (Shut up Zyflair this will not be 25% of my critique. ._.) Personally, given how you talk about body fluids and organs being nearly pulled out of a body in the prologue, and given how you have in fact said that the fic is PG-13 right off the bat, I don't see that much of an issue in twisting the word filters a little. (I know goddammit or a variation of it will work for instance...;D) I dunno. The stars just...do not do any sort of justice to the dark theme of this story. Really, it makes it quite silly each time I see them. And, as has been discussed, there are ways to otherwise use the words on their own...just beware of wild moderators. I'm sure if we have at least PMJ/gamercal/Zyflair's backup on this, we'll be okay, but ehhh...just be careful if you go down that route.

As for grammar, I'mma go with what Zyflair has already stated and say that sometimes the grammar can be a little funky. I'm not gonna nitpick or anything for specific sentences (because most of the time I'm not actually that much of a sp/gr Nazi!), but they are there. The whole transition from 3rd to 1st was a bit sudden and choppy and LIEK WHOA OUTTA FREAKIN' NOWHERE. I'm sure that it has plenty of reasoning as to how it affects the story, so it's not the biggest deal yet...but I would keep it in mind, definitely.

There were also a few times in which things were a bit...how do you say, awkwardly introduced. Like, in the middle of a sentence, you revealed Felicia's name, when you could have revealed it in dialogue her name as you did with the Professor. On other notes, sometimes you write out numbers, and othertimes you don't, which confuses me. 99% of the time you should ALWAYS write out numbers. There are generally three occassions where this rule can be omitted:

-Time. This is the biggy for me. I have found there is no good way to try and write it out, so I wouldn't bother.
-Proper things, such as car models.
-Weird numbers above a hundred. Generally I'll even go as far as a thousand, but that's me. More even numbers such as nine-thousand are easier on your eyes. (Speaking of that number, you may as well just go ahead and say 'over nine-thousand residents'. LOLOLOL-*shot*)

Follow these three guidelines and generally your story will flow a LOT better; numbers really break up the constant, solid-word boundaries of a story. And really, you do not want this. At all. Breaking the vital flow will make people snap out of the situation and make them go 'huh? what?' At least, that happens to me.

There were a few times...where I was confused what was going on, in the dialogue. I dunno, maybe I went over something way too fast, but I got lost on the whole 'Ditto not being able to return to a Ditto form' bit. It just seemed so...out of place. What purpose did that serve? I'm clueless... >>'

Other than that, there were times where the explaining of certain aspects of the story were borderline fourth-wall-breaking. The best example I can come up with right now is the bit about Orion's species in the last bit in Chapter 2. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it seemed like the narrator took over, instead of Jay explaining it. I'd be wary of that, maybe perhaps giving Jay's personal voice to the description? It'd be best if you could even mask it so far as to have him start out with 'Haha, the pain was going to rain down on the insolent fools that insulted the Skunter; they were probably amongst the majority of people that had no idea that Orion's species...' Granted, that's a poorly worded example, but you get the gist. I'm not sure. It just...didn't feel right to me, you know? :/

Okayyyy, so we have the main boring stuff outta the way! Now we get to the really fun stuff: plot, character development, and other various fun non-mechanical workings.

The story on its own is actually really interesting thus far! It's really rare to see a fic where the character is Champion already, because a lot of people don't know how to go about that. It's a difficult thing because you somewhat have to have the inner workings of the story already set in stone; the background of the lead character and what troubles they have been through as a trainer before they become Champion (or ex-champion, in this case...) are inevidibly important within any sort of story of this nature. It was really nice to even see part of a battle as him being Champion for the last time. Showing the character is not perfect and suffers their own wins and losses, to me, is the first big step in making a great story.

I'm not gonna lie- the pictures really help me to figure out what each character looks like. (Without them, I keep imagining Lupudle as...well, a wolf-poodle mix. XD) Granted, I do think some of the artwork needs updating, but that's the crazy art lady talking. Ignore her. POINT IS, you have the description coupled with the necessary artwork for the beasts. Personally, I would even go and relate the creatures more to already existing Pokemon, or other animals, but again, that is personal taste. (I even remember seeing something like that in my friend's fanfic, Mighty Wings, where she likened the tip of the tail of a Lugia to a Salamence's, I believe!) Sometimes it's hard to keep up with all the shapes and the like, where it would be easier simply to say, 'with a slimmer body of that of a Typhlosion' or something like that. Again, just an opinion, since you seem to be a pretty geometric person. ;D Whatever floats your boat!

As it stands, we don't have too much plot development thus far; this seems like it's gonna be a loooooooong story of sorts. (I could relate if that's the fact...*coughcoughRQOcoughcough*) I can't really talk too much about that, but from what I've seen so far, something of sorts will happen at the University, and there will be some other Orre references involved. (I'm not gonna lie, I had a good laugh with Miror B. and his two goonies. X3 Something about seeing such lulzy characters from the games makes me smile once in a while...) So far we've seen a lot of sluggish plot movement, so I can't really see where this is going...I guess I'll have to stay put and continue reading, huh?

Aaaand now, we get to the good part: character development. Let us start with Mr. Jay, our lead narrator and jerkwad supreme. :3 We start where he's apparently incompetent enough to claim victory over his sister in some last-ditch move he knew would probably not end out working well. Then again, his sister is somewhat of a cheat, calling back a move after it's been already put out there, so who knows? Maybe it was a fluke. Regardless, he loses his position as Champion to his sister, of all people. If that was me, I'd be crushed over such a stupid loss and beat myself up over it a lot. It seems that in his subconscious he is kinda sorta, minus the weird additions at the beginning and the end of the nightmares. (It was given through the fact you said they were repeated nightmares, iirc...) On top of that, you've also had him 'let himself go' (to nearly quote) with his lack of taking care of facial hair. (He really needs to tend to that...I wanna see his spark come back so he can just -shave-, man.) This can really show some sort of depression within the character, aaaand apparently no-one has been catching on thus far to it. (Unless that wasn't the intent of his character design...?) Regardless, there's a lot of room for some great character development!

The only thing that seemingly got me a bit ehhh on his character design thus far is that he seemed...eager to set out his little destroyer pal Orion on Miror B. He seems ruthless at best, not even caring that he may very well kill someone down the line. Granted, it falls into place with possible depression, yet is he really going to be smart for him later on? This destructive nature kinda does not hit me well for a protagonist. Again, my opinion, but I wanna see someone call him out on his antics.

Now, onto his Pokemon. What? Character development on Pokemon? Heck yeah, I'm going there. A lot of people don't realize it, but Pokemon are just as much a character as any other human character in the story. I'll start with Apollo, our starter Pokemon of choice. I'm...kinda disappointed, in all honesty. As a starter, I've only seen one battle so far with him, and he was given maybe two or three lines later on. (You may wanna use quotes hand in hand with italics, BTW, for his speech. People may get it confused with Jay's thoughts.) I do hope we see much, much more of him, as it is vital, given you have named him the starter! Don't be afraid to give him more human-like characteristics as well. Make him as much a person as you can to really take advantage of the fact we can understand him.

Now, we have our little Lupudle friend, Spunky. Contrary to his name, he seems not too spunky at all, yet rather quite meek and mild. If anything, he seems like a simple little tagalong Pokemon incapable of fighting right now. He seems more like a family pet, if anything. What kinda irks me personally is that he has more screentime than Apollo right now. I dunno...he may be needy, but I think this somehow needs to be addressed later. You could have him battle or something, to show he's not there just as a pet. I'm not too sure as to what to do with the lil' pup.

Ahhh, and then there's Orion. The beastly, crazy, gonna stab you in your face motha-you know the rest. Ill-tempered, it really contrasts with the fact that he speaks English, given only 'smart' Pokemon can really do that. He seems more animalistic in nature, being one to jump the gun if ONE little thing was said against him. This definitely makes him a dangerous Pokemon, yes, but it just...contrasts. A lot. I'm not so sure I like it. I would personally prefer to see a calmer version of this beast, the non-dark side of him. It would really help his character out as it stands. I dunno...if you give the ability to have him speak like a human, the same Pokemon should have an inch of rationality to him. It'd help if Miror B. and Co. went on insulting him for a bit before he just...outright attacked and then spoke. That would be most desirable, in my eye, because it shows he has a bit more intelligence to have self-restraint. Again, my opinion...just be wary about that.

We then have the cocky sister that beat him. Nothing really stands out about her right now, so if she's gonna become a bigger part later on, that's okay. Just make sure to give her some great development.

Same thing with his muscly friend-bro. All I'm seeing is a stereo-typical Brock-like guy right now, mixed with a touch of a common body-builder from Colosseum/XD. If you're gonna be a lady's man, I'd go straight to the point, rather than heading in the Brock direction of 'love', if you know what I mean. ;D Something to that extent, at least...I'm not sure again what you have in store for him, but it's something to keep in mind.

We have the Professor that invited him, as well. She seems very uptight right now from what we've heard so far, so I guess we'll have to see just how she develops when we meet her. *shrugs*

At last, but not least, we have our comedic villain trio from Colo/XD, Miror B., Trudly, and Folly. If there was anything I hated about them three, it was Miror B.'s Ludicolo team. My. God. There's like nothing that can seriously kill those things. I was somewhat disappointed that you didn't bring them in, but hey, you did have another dancing, peacockin' Pokemon (which was a pretty cool idea, I will admit!). They seem on-par right now with how they are acting, but only time will tell. (God I love how freakin' FABULOUS you made Miror B. Just...fabulous. XD) Just keep 'em canon to the games and you'll do fine here. PS: If you don't bring out the Ludicolo team and make them as hard as heck to beat, I WILL cry.

Uhhh, what else is there to talk of...there was one minor little hole I've spotted thus far in the story, that being when Miror B. calls out Jay being Feral. Granted, he is the ex-Champ, but something felt out of place...given how it seems assumed Miror B's fairly new to the region, him being able to know who he was so easily felt stalkerish. :/ I'm not sure at this point, but again, it just seemed like it was thrown out there randomly. Something to keep in mind.

I... can't really think of anything else to say right now. The fic itself right now is fantastic with its potential, and you definitely have all the key ingredients. Work over some of the grammar errors, add a couple more character development points, beware of newbie characters knowing right off the bat who Jay is, and I think this will be fine. I'll look forward to seein' more, bro! :3 Again, if you ever want a deeper nitpick on any of the subjects I brought up later on, lemme know. I'll be happy to oblige so you can polish this thing 'till it SHIIIIIINES.

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 6/28/2010)

Eh-he-he-he! I kind of got a kick out of reading this review. It was both a little funny as well as very enlightening.

First off, I guess I really should explain the dramatic shift in perspective right after the prologue. Personally, I can't stand third person stories myself. Too many people do them, both fan writers and published authors, and they usually force the writer to divulge everything at once and leave almost nothing for the reader to figure out on his/her own. However, I did see this exact thing done in a book known as The Loch (by Steve Alten, if I remember correctly). The story itself was quite lengthy, but I just loved how the writer shifted the narration every so often just to build drama and suspense. For the most part it was first-person, but the prologue was in third almost strictly for the reason that it took place about a thousand years beforehand (much like how this story's prologue takes place 20+ years before Jay's adventure begins); while I understand the concern over how much it jumps, my story eventually works its way back to the event in the prologue and deeper conflicts that all converge on both Jay's and Felicia's encounters with two of my region's most powerful legendaries (though, I'm trying not to overplay their or my other creatures' usage).

Anyways, I'm really not sure how much I could really do as far as revising these first few chapters for character development, since they were mostly meant for introducing people/fakemon. I'm probably going to be doing a lot more of it in the coming chapters, though, since I've now got something I can work with (and no, I'm not degrading Zyflair's comments, but this gives me a slightly better perspective on the things I can be doing to improve this beyond spelling/grammar mechanics... But, yes, I'll probably be going back to make some edits for language use, though I'm not too high on the idea of censor-jumping, amongst other things; I'll probably just insert one asterisk somewhere in the words so that while it's clear what it is, but I'm still not sure on even that yet).

In any case, thanks for critiquing! I look forward to more!

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 6/28/2010)

Spoiler

Temptail

• Types: Dark and Flying
• Name’s Origin: Temptail is a combo of ‘temptation’ and…well…‘tail,’ referring to how the males of its species attract mates with its showy tail like its real-life counterpart, the peafowl.
• Classification: Fancy Fowl Pokémon
• Height: 2’ 6”
• Weight: 47 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 50% Male/50% Female
• Dimorphisms: The females have tails that are half the size of males, so they lack the triangle and eye patterns that the males have. Also, females don’t have the feather sticking up atop their brow.
• Egg: Flying
• Base Stats: Health-moderately low, Attack-moderately high, Defense-moderate, Special Attack-moderately high, Special Defense-moderate, Speed-very high
• Abilities: Stalemate (Males)-If Temptail is on the battlefield at the same time as an opposite gendered enemy or ally, this ability makes all the stats of every Pokémon drop slightly with each passing turn; however, if there’s a same gendered Pokémon on the field, this ability causes all of their stats to raise each turn. Note, this ability has no effect if both opposite and same gendered Pokémon are on the field nor if there’s a genderless Pokémon out./ Loony Bird (Females)-The Pokémon becomes confused for the first four turns if it faces an opponent of the same gender, and then their attacks turn random, but the critical hit ratio of its attacks is higher. But this ability has no effect if foe/foes is/are of the opposite gender or genderless.
• Limestone Entry: Common in forested areas throughout Ronac, Temptail are renowned as Pokémon that can vex people’s emotions with awkward steps and dances. However, these Pokémon stand at attention the moment they hear a Destail’s cry.
• Slate Entry: Because of their gorgeous and abnormally colored feathers, Temptail are amongst the most coveted Pokémon amongst trainers in the Ronac region. Despite being so common, though, few trainers actually capture wild ones due to the vigilance of the flock leader Destail.
• Coal Entry: Temptail live in large flocks of that can range from anywhere between 50 and 500 individual Pokémon. Though the groups are so large, the members are mostly female save only for a single dominant Destail and several subordinate males.
• Appearances: Temptail are fairly common in the eastern woodlands of Ronac as well as on Seraphim Island to the south-southeast of Pawford City, where they are the only Pokémon to appear. Their catch rate is somewhat low, however.
• Evolution Line: Male Temptail can evolve into Destail after level 20 while holding onto the Destiny Knot item and if they level up at dusk on Seraphim Island.

Moveset

• 1-Wing Attack
• 1-Feather Hush-Flying: The user molts some of its down feathers and then stuffs them into the target’s mouth to prevent it from using any sound-based attacks until the end of next turn. PP: 10
• 7-Astonish
• 13-Mock
• 19-Faint Attack
• 25-Attract (Male)
• 25-Captivate (Male)
• 25-Flirt (Male)
• 25-Swagger (Female)
• 25-Flatter (Female)
• 25-Psych Up (Female)
• 31-Heartbreaker (Male)-Dark: The user makes the opponent to think bad thoughts and then releases a pulse of dark energy. If the foe is Infatuated when it hits, the move causes double damage; however, this move also snaps the target out of the status. Power: 60 Accuracy: 100 Category: Special PP: 25
• 31-Daydreamer (Female)-Dark: The user goes into a daze thinking about its lover for the first turn, and then during the next it strikes a random target out of fury. This move never misses and has a 50% chance of causing flinching. This also does double damage used on a same gendered target. Power: 90 Category: Physical PP: 15
• 37-Psychic
• 43-Destiny Bond (Male)
• 43-Brave Bird (Female)
• Egg-Hypnosis
• Egg-Nightmare
• Egg-Extrasensory
• Egg-Gust
• Egg-Confuse Ray
• Egg-Charm
• Tutor (Alyssa at the Darkain Island Gym after defeating Meg and the Elite Four)-Echoed Plight

Destail

• Types: Dark and Flying
• Name’s Origin: Destail is derived from ‘destiny’ and (again) ‘tail,’ kind of referring to how this bird forms a harem with those he thinks are destined to mate with him.
• Classification: Enchanter Pokémon
• Height: 7’ 6”
• Weight: 239 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 100% Male
• Egg: Flying
• Base Stats: Health-moderate, Attack-high, Defense-moderately high, Special Attack-high, Special Defense-moderately high, Speed-moderate
• Ability: Stalemate
• Limestone Entry: Destail is renowned for his amazing ability to perform complicated waltzes and unique dances with flawless precision. It’s said that anyone who witnesses them are transported into a dreamtime world where fantasy and reality become blurred beyond reasoning.
• Slate Entry: An expert of dances unlike those any human could perform, Destail uses his suave ways to easily enchant any female Pokémon that watch him. Many people believe his harem is about the size of a small city’s population.
• Coal Entry: Despite the greater weight of his oversized feathers, Destail has little problem with movement and flight. By faking a sluggish trot or injury, he often lures predators or prey away from his flock and then attacks them without mercy.

Moveset

• 1-Wing Attack
• 1-Feather Hush
• 1-Siren Song
• 1-Heartbreaker
• 10-Bacchus’ Trot-Dark: Destail dances wildly with ever-increasing momentum in order to boost both its speed and evasiveness. PP: 10
• 20-Liar’s Prance-Flying: Destail starts off with a slow dance to draw the enemy close enough for it to attack him, but then he takes to the air at the last second and jabs the target hard with his beak. This attack never misses, but only has an effect if the target used a physical attack. Power: 90 Category: Physical PP: 15
• 30-Mirage Dance-Psychic: Destail fans out his three tail feathers and begins to dance very slowly, swaying from side to side, all the while hypnotizing his target into believing whatever he wants it to. If this is used on a female opponent, Destail just leaves her Infatuated. If used on a male, Destail strikes him with a strong blow and leaves him confused. Power: 80 Accuracy: 80 Category: Physical PP: 20
• 40-Captivate
• 40-Flirt
• 40-Mock
• 50-Roost
• 60-Final Waltz-Dark: Destail performs a long, drawn-out waltz with its opponent, which he then ends abruptly by casting a curse that finishes them off right then and there. PP: 5
• Tutor-Echoed Plight

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 7/10/2010)

Spoiler

Oposease

• Type: Normal
• Name’s Origin: Oposease is a combination of ‘opossum’ and ‘decease.’ But, despite its looks, this creature is still very much alive, even though the rest of its family is part of the undead as kind of a fun (and, perhaps, disturbing) twist on the whole zombie thing.
• Classification: Feign Pokémon
• Height: 1’ 10”
• Weight: 12 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 50% Male/50% Female
• Dimorphisms: Males have a large bite out of the top of their right ear while females don’t. Reciprocally females have a slit across their tummy where their pouch is while males don’t.
• Egg: Ground
• Base Stats: Health-low, Attack-moderate, Defense-moderate, Special Attack-moderately low, Special Defense-moderately high, Speed-low
• Ability: Bioboost-Whenever the Pokémon takes a critical hit, its Attack and Defense double stats for the next turn.
• Limestone Entry: By nature, Oposease are very cunning and prone to playing cruel pranks on other Pokémon. They’ll lie motionlessly on their backs for long periods of time and suddenly jump to life when a target draws near.
• Slate Entry: Oposease love to be around people and Pokémon, though they are usually despised for their quirky natures and smell. On occasion, these Pokémon will follow young children home when they see them.
• Coal Entry: It is a common misconception to assume that Oposease is dead because of its smell and corpselike appearance. But due to this fact and its exceedingly short lifespan, very few trainers actually raise these creatures.
• Appearance: Oposease are extremely common throughout the Dallinos Woods during the early evening and into nighttime hours, but won’t appear during the morning or daytime. Their catch rate is quite high.
• Lifespan: 22 weeks
• Evolution Line: Oposease evolves into Oposombie at Level 22 if it starts to like its trainer even just a little, and then it can evolve into Oposeteer anytime after that if it’s holding onto the Play Stage (in-game description: a creepy play-set modeled after an old-time theatre’s stage. It emanates a wicked aura, and strengthens Special Attacks when given to a Ghost Pokémon), is starting to resent its trainer, and doesn’t know the move Play Dead.

Moveset

• 1-Scratch
• 1-Eerie Bay
• 1-Curse
• 5-Confuse Ray
• 11-Mock
• 15-Twin Lancing-Normal: The user claws into its foe deep enough to almost cause bleeding. This move has a 25% percent chance of leaving the foe traumatized. Power: 40 Accuracy: 100 Category: Physical PP: 10
• 21-Play Dead-Ghost: Oposease or Oposombie goes into a comatose state with its arms sticking up and tail coiled under its back. If the foe is near it after using a physical attack, the critter springs back to life and claws at the attacker wildly. This cannot miss but it won’t work if the target used a special attack or support move. Power: 90 Category: Physical PP: 20
• 25-Encore
• 31-Dig
• 35-Yawn
• 41-Faint Attack
• 45-Last Resort
• Egg-Trepidation
• Egg-Cross Poison
• Egg-Night Slash
• Egg-Mal Corona
• Tutor (Leader Barney at the Lactavarn City Gym after defeating the Elite Four and Champion Meg)-Double-Edge

Oposombie

• Types: Normal and Ghost
• Name’s Origin: Oposombie is a combo of ‘opossum’ and ‘zombie,’ which should be pretty obvious as to why I chose the combo. Only difference between this creature and contemporary zombies is the fact that Oposombie returns from the dead out of friendship, not malice or as part of a curse or any such thing.
• Classification: Returned Pokémon
• Height: 2’ 10”
• Weight: 24 lbs
• Dimorphisms: Like Oposease, the males still have that part of the ear bitten off, while the females don’t but instead have slits across their bellies.
• Egg: Ground
• Base Stats: Health-low, Attack-moderate, Defense-moderate, Special Attack-moderately low, Special Defense-high, Speed-low
• Ability: Zombie Walk-Because it’s undead, Oposombie has complete immunity to all damage caused by Physical and Special Attack moves. However, the residual effects of such moves and the standard effects of Status-afflicting moves still apply. Just note that Gastro Acid, (the fake Psychic-type move) Cripple, and the Mold Breaker ability cannot suppress the effects of this ability.
• Limestone Entry: Oposombie was once thought to be a demonic presence that returned from the dead to take revenge on its former trainer. After several case studies, however, this myth has been disproved beyond reasonable doubt.
• Slate Entry: Because it formed such a tight bond with its trainer in life, Oposombie returned to this world after death to be with its companion forever. Out of fear, though, most people chastise the creature as if it were a monster.
• Coal Entry: It is widely believed that Oposombie cannot be defeated, least not by physically attacking it. But, because it is so sluggish and frail, very few trainers would actually use it in regular Pokémon battles.
• Appearance: In Limestone, Slate, and Coal versions, Oposombie can occasionally be found in the outer Forest Ruins at night between 11:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m.; however, the catch rate is fairly low. It can also be found in the Otulp Abyss at all times of the day.

Moveset

• 1-Scratch
• 1-Eerie Bay
• 1-Curse
• 5-Confuse Ray
• 11-Mock
• 15-Twin Lancing
• 21-Play Dead
• 22-Return
• 28-Encore
• 34-Dig
• 40-Destiny Bond
• 46-Faint Attack
• 52-Mal Corona
• 58-Shadow Claw
• 64-Last Resort
• Tutor-Double-edge

Oposeteer

• Types: Normal and Ghost
• Name’s Origin: Oposeteer is derived from ‘opossum’ and ‘puppeteer.’ Unlike its pre-evos, Oposeteer slightly diverges from the main theme of ‘zombie possums,’ though it remains undead, and turns into a ‘puppet-master possum.’
• Classification: Recluse Pokémon
• Height: 4’ 10”
• Weight: 96 lbs
• Dimorphisms: Like its pre-evos, males still have a chunk of their ear missing while females don’t. However, females no longer have the slit in their tummies.
• Egg: Ground
• Base Stats: Health-low, Attack-moderate, Defense-moderately high, Special Attack-moderate, Special Defense-very high, Speed-very low
• Ability: Compulsion-Whenever Oposeteer is struck by either a Physical or Special Attack, there’s a 50% chance that the attacker will take on the Force Focus status, forcing it to use the same attack for the rest of battle even if it switches out and returns later. As punishment for attacking Oposeteer, the potency of all enemy attack moves (including those of Pokémon not on the battlefield) gets cut in half every turn after the Pokémon first got attacked, and don’t return to normal strength until after the battle ends.
• Limestone Entry: There is a rumor about Oposeteer that, while it has a very reclusive lifestyle, it loves to be around other Pokémon and people. However, because of its flip-flopping dispositions, it’s hard to tell what its real intentions are.
• Slate Entry: Oposeteer is a Pokémon cursed by the power of a haunted play-set that its trainer gave it as a show of friendship to a wary Oposombie. The creature now follows its keeper wherever he or she goes, always plotting its ultimate vengeance.
• Coal Entry: Some rural folklore speaks of Oposeteer as malevolent Pokémon that relentlessly seek actors for their puppet shows. It is said that the trainers whom raise them are amongst the last that the creatures transform into marionettes.
• Appearance: In Limestone, Oposeteer can be seen rarely within the Forest Ruins and under the Kainos Boardwalk on South Darkain Island between 11:00 pm and 2:00 a.m., while in Slate and Coal, it can be seen frequently in the depths of the Otulp Abyss and in the cornfields south of Lactavarn City between 11:00 pm and 2:00 a.m.; however, the catch rate is exceedingly low.

Moveset

• 1-Trick Room
• 1-Perish Song
• 1-Scratch
• 1-Eerie Bay
• 1-Curse
• 5-Confuse Ray
• 11-Mock
• 15-Twin Lancing
• 21-Puppet Pawn-Ghost: A move that can only be used in double battles, Oposeteer can lash puppet strings at the target and take control of it. Oposeteer can make its victim attack any other Pokémon or use any self-enhancing moves on Oposeteer and/or its partner. Note: the spell breaks if Oposeteer uses a physical attack of its own, gets struck, or when its victim faints. PP: 10
• 22-Frustration
• 29-Grudge
• 36-Dark Pulse
• 43-Destiny Bond
• 50-Mal Corona
• 57-Shadow Ball
• 64-Vendetta-Ghost: The user swears vengeance on the last Pokémon that strikes it with a finishing blow and then, two turns after it faints, it comes back (in a faded and grayish spirit-like form) to finish the enemy off with a one-hit knockout attack of its own. This only works if the foe is still on the battlefield and hasn’t already fainted. PP: 5

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 7/20/2010)

Spoiler

Ronac's Secret Specters #1: Golbania

• Types: Ghost and Water
• Name’s Origin: Golbania is mostly just a jumbling of random letters and such I put together just to come up with a name that sounded somewhat interesting without it just being another combo of two or more words like so many other Pokémon names are. However, beyond the kooky name, this creature actually has quite a background to it. First off, it is based on the thousand-headed Hydra depicted in Greek mythology, though my serpent only has four distinct heads (I was originally going to have nine, but I thought that was going to be way too much overkill so I cut it down to four). Secondly, Golbania is indirectly based on the Garden of Eden story from the Bible and perhaps even the Sumerian myth known as the Epic of Gilgamesh (which some historians believe to be original story that part of Genesis was originally derived from; though as a Christian myself, I’m not prone to believe that…that was just something I came across while research legends involving serpents and dragons when I trying to come up with Golbania). Lastly, this creature incorporates an idea that I originally had when the fourth generation was first being announced, as something that stands as the moderate force between Palkia, Dialga, and later Giratina (note: that was before I actually found out about Arceus, so please don’t nag me about lack of originality, especially since Pokémon itself isn’t that original in terms of idea usage and character designs), and as such Golbania lives in the most dangerous part of the Space-Time Rift known as the Nexus because it’s supposedly the very place where Arceus was born, though this entity came about afterwards to stabilize the gaps that supposedly exist between the divergent realities of the physical multiverse (which supposedly includes Giratina’s Distortion/Reverse World and its dreamtime counterpart known as Beyi Quofyi).
• Classification: Reflections Pokémon
• Height: 31’
• Weight: 362 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 100% Male
• Egg: Dragon
• Base Stats (Sly/stats that appear on Golbania’s out of battle status screen): Health-very high, Attack-moderate, Defense-high, Special Attack-moderate, Special Defense-high, Speed-very low
• Base Stats (Chaste/altered in-battle stats): Health-very high, Attack-very low, Defense-high, Special Attack-very high, Special Defense-high, Speed-very low
• Base Stats (Serenity/altered in-battle stats): Health-very high, Attack-very high, Defense-high, Special Attack-very low, Special Defense-moderate, Speed-high
• Base Stats (Conviction/altered in-battle stats): Health-very high, Attack-high, Defense-moderate, Special Attack-high, Special Defense-low, Speed-moderate
• Ability: Solace Mirage-Whenever Golbania’s health dwindles to its critical level, the Pokémon will create a Substitute to protect itself. As soon as that decoy is destroyed, Golbania switches to a different head (Sly is always the first to appear at the beginning of the match, and the brothers shuffle randomly between each other so you won’t know which one will appear after the decoy vanishes. The moveset doesn’t change because of this, but the Pokémon’s stats alternate because of this in an attempt to give it some sort of an advantage). By switching between its heads, Golbania restores one quarter of its maximum health.
• Limestone Entry: The ancient Meradai worshipped the quadruplets that made up Golbania as their god of procreation and longevity. Those whom made contact with Chaste or Conviction were said to have many children, while ones who met Sly or Serenity were granted long lives.
• Slate Entry: Long considered myth, Golbania made its presence known in the mid-1990s after an archeologist unwittingly called Sly forth by reading an old text. Since then, this Pokémon has reportedly appeared time and again, as though it were watching over mankind.
• Coal Entry: Golbania is truly an enigma amongst Ronac’s Pokémon, being four individuals conjoined at their tails. It is said that they live secretly in the most severe region of the Space-Time Rift and try to make it so the realities of the multiverse never overlap, lest it be annihilated.
• Appearance: In Limestone, Slate, and Coal, this Pokémon appears in Hall of Remembrance hidden deep inside the Golbanian Temple underneath Feraburg Island. In the shrine, there are five mirrors, four of which correspond with the creature’s individual heads (Name/tattoo: Sly/V-shape extending from mouth to brow, Chaste/a simple cross or plus sign between eyes, Serenity/five-pointed star on snout, or Conviction/wide X-mark under lower jaw). Each snake must be confronted and captured individually as a test of worthiness. Causing any one of them to faint will make this Pokémon to flee forever; however, if all of them are caught, they will vanish and reappear in the final mirror and draw their attacker (you, the player) into their world called The Nexus for one final battle, which is really an endless onslaught from illusionary Pokémon while trying to navigate a never-ending maze in search of central part of Golbania’s body.

Moveset

• 1-Eye of Truth
• 1-Reflect
• 1-Light Screen
• 1-Safeguard
• 10-Counter
• 10-Mirror Coat
• 10-Retaliate
• 10-Hypnosis
• 20-Aqua Ring
• 20-Refresh
• 20-Protect
• 20-Recover
• 30-Trick Room
• 30-Time Traitor
• 30-Flip Flop Flux
• 30-Wonder Room
• 40-Lamentation-Ghost: The most powerful Ghost-type attack, this move causes the user to bellow a horrific cry of pain and sorrow that shatters the barriers of reality and consciousness, disrupting molecular bonds and damaging memories. This severely hurts all other Pokémon on the field, while leaving the user unable to attack for the next turn. It also has a 10% chance of causing an instant knockout regardless of normal damage, type, and/or ability. Power: 150 Accuracy: 85 Category: Special PP: 5
• 40-Surf
• 40-Ice Beam
• 40-Repulse
• 50-Shine Vector
• 50-Roar of Time
• 50-Spacial Rend
• 50-Prism Clasher-Ghost-Golbania’s signature attack allows him to trap his target in a transparent cube and attack it over the course of the next four turns, and then deliver a devastating blow on the fifth that causes damage equal to the full amount that the opponent took over the previous turns. The foe cannot be attacked by any other Pokémon during this time, but this move ends abruptly if Golbania gets struck. Power: 30 Accuracy: 100 Category: Physical PP: 5

Hopefully this one won't cause a problem, since the update just makes two pages on the MS Word file I've been writing these Fakedex entries on. This is actually supposed to be one of four phatoms that appear in my fake region of Ronac. Technically they aren't legendaries nor do they have anything really in common with one another beyond just being weird Ghost-types. If doing them individually is going to cause problems, please let me know immediately and I'll do them together (though I'd rather not since their Fakedex entries are far apart, going off of when they'd appear in it numerically)...

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 7/21/2010)

Spoiler

Ronac’s Secret Specters #2: Xylioxia

• Types: Ghost and Fire
• Name’s Origin: Xylioxia, like Golbania before it, is more or less a jumbled combination of letters put together to form an unusual sounding name. Unlike Golbania, Xylioxia isn’t based on any particular animal, plant, or organism. In fact, it’s supposedly an alien monster that was thought to have formed in the atmosphere of Jupiter due to its mixed coloration matching that of the planet’s Great Red Spot as seen in photos taken from space probes (or perhaps those taken by Hubble…it’s been a while since I came up with this idea, so I may not be up to date with the latest research regarding the largest planet in the Solar System…my apologizes).
• Classification: Jovial Pokémon
• Height: 16’ 5”
• Weight: 139 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 5% Male/95% Female
• Dimorphisms: As weird looking as this creature is already, the gender differences make it even more of an enigma. The dominating females of this species always have a distinctive bulblike/beat-like section attached by a narrow esophagus tube to the stem of their feathered appendages. The harder-to-find males, on the other hand, lack this feature completely.
• Egg: Phantom or Amorphous
• Base Stats: Health-minimum, Attack-minimum, Defense-minimum, Special Attack-maximum, Special Defense-minimum, Speed-moderate
• Ability: Phase Force-So long as it isn’t holding onto any items or had any attacks used on it that cause it to lose its Ghost-type attributes (i.e. Foresight, Odor Sleuth, and even Miracle Eye), Xylioxia cannot be harmed by any type of attack move (Physical or Special/Super-effective or not). Gravity will make this ability useless against Ground-type attacks, however.
• Limestone Entry: A Pokémon that was just recently discovered outside of Earth’s atmosphere, Xylioxia is widely believed to be an alien life form. Its unusually vivid coloration appears to resemble that of Jupiter’s clouds, however it has never landed and cannot be studied properly.
• Slate Entry: Xylioxia was discovered last year when an astronomer thought he’d discovered a new star. To his surprise, it was a Pokémon whose bioluminescence was so strong that it nearly outshone the moon.
• Coal Entry: It never leaves the upper atmosphere, lingering just on the edge of space where even Rayquaza dares not go. The Pokémon doesn’t seem prone to conflict and just floats freely without care.
• Appearance: In Limestone and Coal, Xylioxia appears in the apex of the Tower of Beyi-geyi Leyi-geyi. It appears randomly and there’s only one. However, it will only show itself so long as the Pokémon who created the building (Beyi-geyi and Leyi-geyi) haven’t been defeated. Otherwise, this creature will vanish forever.
• Perception: Electrostatic detection allows Xylioxia to pick up on the electromagnetic fields that objects give off, as well as allowing it to identify the molecular structures and combinations that comprise things to begin with.

Moveset

• 1-Ominous Wind
• 1-Fiery Gale
• 12-Flip Flop Flux
• 21-EM Burst-Electric: The user sends out a powerful surge of electromagnetic energy in order to disrupt the neural frequencies of its targets. This move not only causes damage, but always causes confusion to all Water, Flying, Psychic, and Bug Pokémon regardless of preventive abilities. Power: 100 Accuracy: 100 Category: Special PP: 5
• 34-Psychic
• 43-Volatile-Fire: The user causes a horrible chemical to circulate through the entirety of its body, and then makes itself explode the next time it’s hit with a Physical Attack move. While the user sacrifices all of its HP, it leaves any surviving Pokémon burned and with temporarily halved Defense. Power: 250 Accuracy: 100 Category: Special
• 56-Cripple-Psychic: The user employs a secretive skill known only to the most cunning spiritualists that automatically disables its target’s ability, inverts any stat enhancements its made to this point, and nullifies any stat altering moves the victim uses for the remainder of battle. PP: 5
• 65-Gaia Gorge-Ground: Xylioxia descends to earth and draws a wide area of dirt into its bud-like maw, consuming all other Pokémon on the battlefield (including its partner). This move grounds them up and instantly KO’s the victims, while stealing half of their health. However, Xylioxia cannot attack for the next three turns because it takes so much strength to perform. Accuracy: 30 Category: Special PP: 5
• 78-Aura Sphere
• 87-Shine Vector
• 99-Jovial Kiss-Ghost: Xylioxia drops from the heavens (the female temporarily releasing her bulb) and kisses its victim with its bud-like maw. This smooch leaves a same-gender victim paralyzed, confused, and with Farewell Hex’s affliction (KO at the end of next turn), while leaving an opposite-gendered one burned, infatuated, and with only one PP left for all of its moves. PP: 5

...well, nobody's said anything against these short posts yet, so I guess it is okay... There are only two others like Xylioxia and Golbania left, which are creatures that stand somewhat on their own without either being part of an evolution family or a series of supposedly related creatures (so I don't intend to go overboard with a bunch of solitary fakedex updates)...

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updates: new as of 7/28/2010)

Spoiler

Ronac’s Secret Specters #3: Carastone

• Types: Ghost and Rock
• Name’s Origin: It’s probably obvious, but Carastone is a combination of ‘carapace’ and ‘stone.’ This creature was inspired by a series of monster turtles that appeared in the game Final Fantasy IV (in case anyone played any version of the game, particularly the 2008 remake, then the similarity in design should be somewhat noticeable…if not, it’s not that big of deal, since the idea is still my own). Unlike the FFIV monsters, this creature is supposedly the fossil of an extinct Pokémon (supposedly a distant ancestor of Lapras) that was brought back to life by an ancient serpent called Vaspudem to protect her most valued possession from thieves after she was gone.
• Classification: Petrify Pokémon
• Height: 19’ 2”
• Weight: 627 lbs
• Gender Ratio: 50% Male/50% Female
• Egg Group: Mineral/Amorphous or Phantom?
• Base Stats: Health-low, Attack-high, Defense-moderately low, Special Attack-low, Special Defense-very high, Speed-moderately high
• Ability: Shock Breaker-If Carastone is forced to attack after its opponent, it intentionally fractures parts of its shell in order to reduce the damage from all physical attacks (set-damage moves included) to the bare minimum of 1HP. This has no effect on special attacks.
• Limestone Entry: Carastone is an unusual species of Ghost Pokémon found only in the wastelands of western Ronac. It was depicted in a bizarre legend from Meradai tribal lore, and was believed to wander the region in search of wayward spirits that it can consume.
• Slate Entry: Scientists widely theorize that, when it was still alive, that Carastone belonged to an ancestral species of the seafaring Pokémon Lapras. However, because the majority of its DNA has been lost to fossilization, there is no way to confirm this idea.
• Coal Entry: It was once thought that Carastone, like many Ghost Pokémon of Ronac, wandered the wastelands aimlessly as if they were zombies. However, it had recently been discovered that it only lingers near ancient ruins and attacks anything it considers a threat.
• Appearance: In Limestone, Slate, and Coal, Carastone makes random appearances outside the Wastes’ Ruins of Western Ronac and will keep reappearing even if it’s knocked out (however, it cannot be captured right away). Instead, this creature will appear within the depths of the ruin along with three other sinister Pokémon (Giratina, Darkrai, and Canersia) in a short series of double battles (Darkrai with Giratina, and Carastone with Canersia). This is the only chance to capture Carastone, and it will vanish forever if its defeated or you flee. Also, its catch rate is considerably low.

Moveset

• 1-Gravel Grave-Ground: Carastone creates a huge landslide of dirt to completely bury the foe, thus suffocating it and causing an instant KO. This move is useless on Ground, Rock, and Steel Pokémon, and it never misses any Pokémon that are weak against those move types. Accuracy: 50 PP: 5
• 1-Soul Sucker-Ghost: The user opens its maw wide enough to eat its opponent whole, but instead starts inhaling with such overwhelming force that it drains away the target’s spirit. This restores half of the damage that it caused (like Dream Eater or Giga Drain), and leaves the victim with Perish Song’s three-turn countdown. Power: 60 Category: Special Accuracy: 100 PP: 10
• 11-Blockade-Ghost: The user sets up a sinister barrier around the opponent’s side, preventing escape and the use of items other than the ones those on that part of the field are currently holding. However, restorative items are restricted to a single use during the fight, berries cannot be recycled, and items that boost stats or move power are rendered useless. PP: 10
• 22-Curse
• 33-Granite Shell-Rock: During double battles, Carastone shields both it and its partner with its rocky shell, protecting the ally from all damage while Carastone takes all of the hits. However, this forces both of them to strike after the opponents. PP: 5
• 44-Stone Edge
• 55-Solemn Blaze
• Egg-Wraith Run
• Egg-Hypnosis
• Egg-Nightmare
• Egg-Dream Eater
• Egg-Mind Lock
• Egg-Rock Polish
• Egg-Twilight Ram

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated: 8/3/2010)

Spoiler

Ronac’s Secret Specters #4: Fwan

• Types: Ghost and Grass
• Name’s Origin: Fwan (and I should emphasize that it’s Fwan, not Fawn…seriously, the few times I’ve actually gotten this Pokémon up in my Fakedex, I had all kinds of idiots misspelling it and calling me stupid for coming up with such an unimaginative name despite that essentially being the point here since this creature is supposed to be comical…) is derived from a combination of ‘flat’ and ‘swan,’ even though it’s supposedly an abstract painting of the fake Pokémon Destail (which is renowned in Ronac as a creature of great beauty…and obscene pride…). While the design may look absurd, this creature would probably be more a nightmare than any of previous fakes in my ‘secret specters’ series as it is the only one with an ability that cannot be disabled, not to mention one wacky move that would put even the most knowledgeable trainers in their place.
• Classification: Abstract Pokémon
• Height: 3’
• Weight: .1 lbs.
• Gender Ratio: 50% Male/50% Female
• Dimorphisms: Females of this species lack the feather (or leaf?) sticking up from their brow as well as the triangular pattern between their eyes (a note on the design: the eyes on it’s wings are actually the eyes it really uses to see with. In the games, they would actually blink and a tongue would stick out momentarily from a mouth that it has hidden between them; after all, Fwan is a Ghost-type).
• Egg: Amorphous or Phantom?
• Base Stats: Health-maximum, Attack-minimum, Defense-minimum, Special Attack-moderately high, Special Defense-moderately high, Speed-very high
• Ability: Flat Freak-The moment that Fwan appears on the battlefield, only special attack moves can be used so long as they strike from a distance. The reason this happens is because Fwan supposedly turns all of the other Pokémon around it into magical painting (magical because they’re still allowed to use moves that rival spells in other fantasy video games despite being otherwise immobile). While it wouldn’t be evident in the handheld games, this would probably be a hilarious thing to see happen in Stadium/Colosseum ones or even in the anime (I could just imagine Ash’s Pikachu pressed flat and transformed into a portrait in front of his eyes…or perhaps I just have a sick sense of humor as that would probably give kid’s nightmares… And, on the off chance someone notices, I kind of spoofed the idea of a phantom/haunted painting from 1. Luigi’s Mansion and 2. Final Fantasy VI).
• Limestone Entry: A child prodigy in the nineteenth century spent much of his alone time painting both beautiful and bizarre masterpieces in his parent’s home in Deltsed City. After his untimely death at age thirteen, his final work somehow became haunted and Fwan was born.
• Slate Entry: Fwan originally started as the portrait of a Destail by a famed childhood prodigy who lived in Deltsed City during the nineteenth century. However, its atrocious look drove the boy mad, so much so that he cast an ancient spell to bring the artwork to life by ending his.
• Coal Entry: Nobody understands completely why Fwan likes to hide in paintings or how it can walk freely between them. In the same way, no one dares to criticize the Pokémon for doing its childish pranks, lest they be whisked into a portrait themselves and trapped in it forever.
• Appearance: In Slate, Fwan appears in the main hall of the Deltsed Historical Society’s Museum of Art. However, it can only be battled between 11:30 p.m. and 12:30 a.m. The challenge, though, is not finding the creature (because it’s one of the main displays), but keeping up with its maniacal escapades. Before one can capture Fwan, he/she must defeat every exhibit that it becomes until the Pokémon returns to the foyer where its regular painting is found. There it will draw its tormentor into its own world where it will fight one last time (this would be the only chance to capture it without it disappearing forever). Fwan’s catch rate is considerably high for such a rare Pokémon, but surviving the fight against it might be a challenge all its own…

Moveset

• 1-Mega Drain
• 1-Cripple
• 8-Hadean Cortex
• 15-Spooky Squall-Ghost: The user manifests its feelings of malevolence with an terrifying grayish-black aura that blows over the opponent like a severe windstorm. This causes twice-normal damage if the opponent is a Flying-type or has the Levitate ability. Power: 75 Accuracy: 100 Category: Special PP: 15
• 22-Psychic
• 29-Eerie Bay
• 36-Farewell Hex
• 43-Dark Pulse
• 50-Super Siphon-Grass: The deadliest version of Absorb, this drains the target’s health away and restores all the damage it causes as health to the user. However, the user cannot attack the next turn. Power: 150 Accuracy: 90 Category: Special PP: 5
• 57-Smear-Ghost: The more brilliantly colored the target Pokémon is, the more damage Fwan inflicts when it uses its spiritual energies to ruin the painting its victim has (supposedly) become. Max power is 200 if the Pokémon has four or more dissimilar colors; min power is 50 if it has one relatively solid color. Accuracy: 80 Category: Special PP: 20

 

[Zyflair]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated: 8/11/2010)

Is "Freaky" actually part of its name? It doesn't seem like it.

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated: 8/11/2010)

No, not really... I just thought it'd sound a little more interesting since it was such a ridiculous-looking creature. I'll change it to normal if it's too confusing; I'm just trying to spice things up by doing small and unexpected things to the entry titles rather than just have them be so plain (case in-point: I added the title 'Ronac's Secret Specters' for this series rather than just doing the name by itself, since the four creatures are similar since they have essentially hidden 'worlds' in which they live).

 

[Zyflair]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated: 8/11/2010)

Ah, I was only making sure.

 

[HolyMackerel]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated: 8/11/2010)

MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!

I finally got enough guts to read this.
So, here are a few things I would like to explain:
1. I didn't read it at first becuase the title made it sound like a "Twilight Parody" Thing.
2. Then I saw that Zyflair AND Crystal Hikari posted a reply. I was all like
"Okay, that can't be a normal twilight parody."
3. Then I looked at all of this stuff.


Wow! I really like the idea and such, but there where a lot of times where I was like "Wait, what is he talking about right now?"
So, you know, confusing, but good.

 

[Incinermyn]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated: 8/11/2010)

"Wait, what is she talking about right now?"
So, you know, confusing, but good.

...um...I'm a boy, so is my protagonist/narrator...or where you talking about Crystal Hikara's reply...? *shrugs* Doesn't matter. I'm just surprised someone else replied for a change and liked it.

But, I didn't mean to confuse you with my title. Back when I started this project, I'd never even heard of the Twilight series, and for a while now I was kind of waiting to see if anyone would say something about the similar titles being so similar, despite being completely different stories.

Edit: I'm also trying to revise this story's Microsoft Word file, and intend to post slightly updated versions of the previous chapters based on what Crystal Hikara and Zyflair have been advising me to do. They're not going to be dramatically different, but I wanted to note that this is why I haven't posted Chapter Three yet.

 

[HolyMackerel]

RE: Feral Twilight (PG-13/Chapter Two up; Ronac Fakedex updated: 8/11/2010)

Sorry about that, I fixed that. I know your a dude and all, I just had a typo there, I guess.
And, you're welcome. Most stories here don't get much attention.