General Writing Discussion Thread | Current Topic: NaNoWriMo

RE: Writer's Lounge

I really should haha. Surprisingly when I simply do my regular roleplaying with myself I get less character development than when I'm actually trying to write and make everything fluid.
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

^? Was that an Insult?

I did hear it though...

Hey guys, what would you say if I posted the first paragraph to my book?
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

1. All stories—and all updates to stories—must be at least 2 pages and/or 1,000 words in length.
A "page" is determined as one page as determined by MS Word or other similar program, single spaced, with a size 12 Times New Roman font. If you do not have a word processor, a 'page' is worth about 500 words. So make sure you double check on that or use http://www.wordcounttool.com/ if you do not have a word checker available to you. 1,000 words is not much to ask for if you want to write a story.

See!
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

I think some are supposed to go in other thread subjects, like
Lilycove
Off Topic
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

ima just gonna do it...

The air was as cold as bone. The young Absol, was hiding, somewhere in the brush waiting for his prey. It was as silent as night, when she heard a large snap! She quickly looked over to her left, to see a large Sawsbuck, wondering as if it was lost. She heard the small cry of a Whismur, somewhere in the distance. She turned her attention to the large Sawsbuck, who was now, eating of the top of the brush she was hiding in! She emerged quietly, and then pounced, on the large Sawsbuck. She heard a shrill cry, like a small human baby.
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

... So exactly how much of White Fang is this supposed to resemble?
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

It is just the relative idea... E.G

The Young Wolf
The Young Absol

Not exact events, but relative, just the same story-line, with a twist.
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

Well, the first paragraph sounds rushed. There's no way to ease into the opening. It's currently: There's an Absol, and BAM, Absol goes and takes down a Sawsbuck. There's nothing as discouraging for a reader than to try to read into a book and meets a hurricane of action. I'm not saying that you should uselessly fill up the intro either. At the very least, as the Absol is moving in the hunt, clarify the picture. How dense is the forest? Is it filled with brush, or is it a vast network of hallways of trees? While we're on the topic on White Fang, let's look at the first chapter for a comparison:

Dark spruce forest frowned on either side the frozen waterway. The trees had been stripped by a recent wind of their white covering of frost, and they seemed to lean toward each other, black and ominous, in the fading light. A vast silence reigned over the land. The land itself was a desolation, lifeless, without movement, so lone and cold that the spirit of it was not even that of sadness. There was a hint in it of laughter, but of a laughter more terrible than any sadness -- a laughter that was mirthless as the smile of the Sphinx, a laughter cold as the frost and partaking of the grimness of infallibility. It was the masterful and incommunicable wisdom of eternity laughing at the futility of life and the effort of life. It was the Wild, the savage, frozen-hearted Northland Wild.

I'm not asking you to write like London, but we can learn something from this: the first paragraph has a tense feeling of action because of the moving (as in physically moving) description, such as the frowning and leaning trees, frosty winds striping those trees, a silence that rules the land, yet filled with a cryptic and cruel laughter that haunts everyone with its tiny voice. It sets the entire setting without sounding boring! It's the beauty that London can pull off! He doesn't need to make action happen on the get-go to keep a reader in. He knows better. Rather, he hands over what the atmosphere is.. a very chilling atmosphere, something that holds such suspense which makes us want to read more.

You can have action, but you should not depend on it. Depending on having action to keep the plot going makes your fic only a slash-and-hack at best.
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

The Fallen One said:
You can just post your creative works here in the Writing Corner and people will look at it, right?

Yes.

Sorry for not getting to this thread quicker. I've actually been busy tonight.
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

Could I post my two different prologues here for critiquing, or should I make a new thread for that? They're both quite lengthy, one is at least 2 pages.
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

You can do it here. Just use spoiler tags with the works in the spoilers if it's lengthy:

Code:
[spoiler]*content*[/spoiler]
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

Zyflair said:
You can do it here. Just use spoiler tags with the works in the spoilers if it's lengthy:

Code:
[spoiler]*content*[/spoiler]

Ironic because the difference between the two is the structuring to avoid possible spoilers and to heighten the mystery involved. Both are cleverly (or stupidly) written to prevent a couple things from being revealed so bear with them.

Prologue 1:
In the beginning, there was nothing…nothing, except for a single spark of hope. Hope that something could be formed from this void. From this spark was born a single creature: the Creator. The Creator forged the universe on the threshold of that chaos, shaping that spark, that single flame. That flame was transformed into the universe. It formed 27 worlds, and the countless stars in the heavens above them. Each of these worlds spawned life; trees, grass, insects, and animals all began to stir. From nothing came everything. The Creator shaped these creatures, giving them each different abilities. They were all different, but ultimately all vital to the universe. The Creator soon discovered that there was a power, an element, for every world that existed. Ungoverned, these powers began to interfere with this perfect universe. So the Creator gave two of the Greater races of beings, the Morphenites and the Gargathians, control over some these powers. Instead of balance being brought, chaos continued to grow. The two races began to war with each other, envious of each other’s gifts. The Creator quickly revoked these powers from them, but it was not enough. A deep hatred still existed between the two races. It was clear that mortals could not be trusted with the absolute control over these powers. So a race of gods was formed; 24 powerful, immortal creatures were crafted and each given a power to control. Lastly, 3 perfect beings were given life: the Imildrai. The Imildrai were each given one of the three supreme powers to control: Creation, Life, and Ether. The first, Zentenai, the Creator’s one and only son, was given sovereignty over all Creation. The second, whose name has ultimately been forgotten, was granted control over Life and Death. The third and final Imildrai, Artorius, was granted control over the heavens and the stars above them. Each of them was given a specially crafted sword: Isilenta, Divilenta, and Stratalenta. They were also given a fourth, Exavilenta, for them all to protect. The Creator told them that one day, a fourth Imildrai would come to claim the last weapon. He would be even more powerful than the others, and would ultimately save them from destruction. After this was completed, the Creator departed from the universe. With the 27 powers at last in good hands, peace was brought to the universe. For many ages, this continued, save for the quarrels of mortals, whose hearts are easily swayed.

Yet, nothing is meant to last forever. A fell shadow hovered over the hearts of all life. The presence of someone who absolutely opposed the creator was made known. A man who simply called himself The Void began to rise to power. He demanded that the swords of the Imildrai be relinquished to him, or he would take them by force. His terms were refused, and soon after the Air goddess was found slain. Rather disturbingly, her power was taken from her, leaving only a hollow shell behind. The Void had taken her power and added it to his own. Soon after, two of the Imildrai vanished, leaving only Artorius to defend the universe against The Void. One by one, many of the 24 gods were slain, their powers taken. Many tried to pray to the Creator, but no help came. The Void resurrected many of the gods he slew and led them in an assault on Artorius’s temple in the realm Stralatus. Artorius, knowing that he would not survive against such numbers, called down the stars from above the heavens. Fire rained down upon Stralatus, destroying most life in that world and changing the very face of it. Artorius was presumed to be dead, but The Void managed to escape with many of the resurrected gods. It seemed that The Void was closing in on destroying the spark of hope.

The last of the gods who resisted The Void gathered in Northerina, the Creator’s pride and joy, the most beautiful of all worlds. The gods sealed off the portals to the rest of the universe, trying to bide some time to prepare for the onslaught. The Void, however, had grown too strong for their defenses. He and his army assaulted the realm, hell-bent on crushing the resisting army. A great battle ensued, and most of the forces of both sides were killed. When the dust had settled, only two remained: The Void and the apprentice god of the nameless Imildrai. The Void offered the apprentice a deal: hand over the Imildrain weapons or die. The apprentice refused, and tried to take on The Void by himself. The apprentice was brought down nearly instantaneously and The Void moved in for the kill. Before he could do so, a blinding light shone from above. On a stairway of white light, the Creator descended upon the battlefield. The Void tossed aside the badly beaten apprentice and drew his black blade. For seven days and nights, the Creator and The Void were locked in battle, blade against blade. While The Void was strong, he was not nearly as strong as the Creator, and thus he was struck down. The Creator could not kill him, so instead he was banished to the space between the realms, where there was no means to survive.

When the battle was over, the Creator went over to the apprentice and healed most of his wounds, save for his badly scarred wings, which were beyond any repair. The apprentice was bestowed with the title of “The Last of the Incorruptible” and was given the powers over creation and life. He was given the task to restore life to the dying universe. When the Creator departed once more, he did what was asked of him. He breathed life back into an empty universe, hoping that peace would stay. The apprentice gave the power back to the universe, and swore that no matter how long it would take, he would see corruption’s end. But while the Creator had defeated the embodiment of corruption, his seeds were scattered throughout the 27 realms. Corruption continued to rise up, and another war ensued. A war so terrible, it was given the name of “The War of the Ages”, believed by the mortals and the new race of gods to be the accumulation of all warfare that had existed. The apprentice continually kept breathing life into the universe, and waited. He waited for the day when an heir to the Creator would be born into the universe and silence corruption once and for all.
The lengthier of the two. More of a tale of everything that happened. I showed this to my sister and she felt that there were too many names and it was too much for just a prologue. Considered putting this later on in the book as sort of a "forgotten legend."

Prologue 2:
It has been many thousand years since the first War of the Ages took place.

Few of the living know the story of what has happened in that time.

The Last of the Incorruptible has now revived this universe 26 times in the stead of the Creator, who has long departed from the living worlds. And despite his efforts...the memory of the First Time has long faded in the minds of mortals and gods alike.

The universe is dying.

Hundreds of ages ago, many thousand years by the count of mortal men, the Creator was born into nothing. And upon the threshold of chaos, a universe was created. In this universe were 27 worlds, realms of life. And for each of these worlds, there was a power or element that existed as well. So the Creator formed both mortals and gods to govern these powers. However, mortals proved to be untrustworthy with the powers they were given. Jealous of each other’s gifts, they warred amongst themselves. The Creator revoked these powers from the mortals, and realized that perhaps even the gods could be corrupted. So Three, perfect beings were created: The Imildrai, guardians of the universe. Each was given control of one of the three supreme powers: Creation, Life, and Aether. A sword of great power was forged for each as a testament to their authority. The Creator left the living worlds and left the Imildrai to govern the universe. Seemingly all was well.

But despite the efforts of many, the power slowly began to corrupt all who wielded it.

A man known only as The Void made his presence known. He openly challenged the gods and the Imildrai and demanded that the Imildrain weapons be handed over to him. They refused. Soon after, the Wind Goddess was found slain, and her power taken from her. The Void had stolen her power and added it to his own.

Many followed suit. Two of the Imildrai vanished, and the Third was forced to call down the stars in the realm Stralatus, a certain death for him. Stralatus was forever changed and the Third vanished, but the Void was merely hindered.

The last surviving gods gathered in Northerina, the most precious of realms. They attempted to seal off the realm from the rest of the universe, but their makeshift defenses did not last. The Void and his army of resurrected gods assaulted the world and a terrible battle ensued. When it seemed that all hope had faded, a great staircase of light shone from above. On it descended the Creator, to challenge the Void single-handedly. The Creator won and The Void was banished from the universe, to only exist in the space between the realms. The Creator then turned to the lone survivor of the fray: the apprentice of the Second Imildrai. The Apprentice was bestowed with control over Creation and Life, and was allowed to keep his position as the god of Death. Thenceforth he was known as the Last of the Incorruptible, and given the task of restoring life to all the universe.

And so he has done so. Corruption still rises up and causes yet another War of the Ages, each one becoming more and more terrible than the first against the Void. But this lore has long been forgotten. When we forget where we have come from, we cease to be who we really are.

We have forgotten the originations of this universe.

And so the universe dies.
Shorter, more condensed version. It is a lot more vague and doesn't give much of anything away, but conveys a different atmosphere than the first one does. Leaves more of a mystery and is intended to try and convince the reader to keep reading in order to figure out what's going on.

No mercy when criticizing this please.
 
RE: Writer's Lounge

Sure, but it's almost midnight. I'm going to sleep, so later.

But as a formatting courtesy, blank line separating each paragraph please. Thanks.
 
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