Marriage: Special or waste?

[Bolt the Cat]

I think in general it depends on the person. If you find someone that you KNOW you can spend the rest of your life with, then by all means go for it. But I think nowadays people rush into relationships too quickly.

As for me personally, I'm not too big on the idea of longstanding, monogamous relationships, but I agree that it's a necessary evil because open relationships lead to complications. Especially nowadays when marriage has become a reciprocal expression of two people's love for each other instead of just a ceremonial transfer of property (back in the time when women were considered property).

 

[Haunted Water]

Reasons why my opinion was not bias:
One and a half year is a long time. If you really want my honest opinion on it, I'll say it right now. I'm not enjoying it. There is a lot on the line when one gets married. I know her more than she knows me. I know her quirks, her habits, and stuff I'm not putting on here because it may be deemed inappropriate. She doesn't know that much about me. She doesn't know I'm atheist, and I told my friends if they bring it up around her, their lives may be... Incredibly shortened! *DUN DUN DUN!*
Reinforcing point is: Marriage isn't just a long-term relationship. It's a bond between two people who care for each other, share similar views, know each other well, and of course, love each other. Take it from me, I learn a lot the hard way, which is the fastest way of learning things.

 

[Pokequaza]

If you are planning to stick with one person your whole live, why even bother the marriage? The fact that you actually have to promise your associate to never leave him/her, does not sound like a great relationship to begin with. If you really want to make the most out of your marriage, you would have to behave like anything but a decent trustworthy person up until the day of the marriage itself, that way the ceremony and the promises actually makes sense, however I highly doubt your average partner would like to continue with you after what you have done. A marriage these days is nothing but a waste of money, if you want to give a party, give one, you do not need a marriage for that.

 

[Chaos Jackal]

Remind me never to make a thread again just before I go to sleep. I might lose it.
To answer to some people:
I made this so that everyone can express his/her opinion. I don't consider it biased as long as it has some solid support. After all, if married people are the only ones who can have a 'legit' opinion, then please share your experiences with us. It might help. After all, as I stated in the very first post, by no means I intend to insult anyone with this question.
On topic. If two people love each other, do they really need to make it official somewhere, be it church or a town hall? Maybe this bond is special, but I don't see how marriage adds to a well-established relationship.
And so that you know, I'm 17 and single.

 

[Athena]

As someone who's planning on her own upcoming wedding later this year, I think it's somewhere in between. Marriage is more than a waste; it's a commitment to another person and a bond, one that encompasses many aspects of life and has pretty important legal benefits. But at the same time, I don't believe that getting married is the most important, magical thing to ever happen in my life, like many other women do.

I think the most important aspect about marriage, to me, is the celebration of love that happens during the wedding itself. I'm currently living in another continent from most of my family, and even back in the US, my relatives are spread across numerous states from coast to coast. Yet, this summer we're all going to get together (including an aunt of mine from Australia and my fiancés relatives from Europe) and have this huge awesome happy party celebrating the relationship I have with the man I love. Too often, I only see my family for sad occasions, like funerals, so to get everyone together for a joyous occasion is pretty amazing. I'm not going to stress about the little details, I'm just going to throw an awesome party.

My fiancé and I have been together for over 4 years now. I don't really think our relationship is going to change much. Technically speaking, we're already "registered partners" under the law, a necessity for me to acquire a residence visa. We're in love and happy together, and that's all that matters to us.

 

[r3skyline]

Marriage growing up, was made to look and be a life long commitment. That any person could find that other special someone and they could belong to each other forever. To know that whenever they needed help, the other would be there. That words did not even need to be spoken to realize what the other needed. My view before I became married was and still is the same. You do the courting, and make a final decision on never wanting to find another person because the one you want to be with is the one. The one person that you could share life experiences with. Good and bad and all the in between. It's not just a relationship, it's an understanding of what love truly is and could become.

The ceremony is a recognition of two lives becoming one. It's no longer a boyfriend girlfriend deal, but a special bond of two people expressing their love for one another and being one. That is the most wonderful part of being married. Yes couples can be their own person, individuals, but being married you are now one unit. That's what makes it incredible.

In order for a marriage to succeed, no secrets can be kept. All comes out in the open. The other person either knows you or not. I don't believe there is an in between on this matter because if something is kept from the other, trust and dependency issues arise and create an unhealthy marriage. This is why to me, courting is important beforehand. You need to find out all About the other person and be open yourself. If you cannot be who you are then why commit to another. You just gave a false image to the other and broke their trust when it comes to light.

Difficult to write this all out on an iPhone.

Just to reiterate. How can you have experience in anything without participating in it? Oh yes sgt I have experience down range, I learned everything from my class about what to do when your deployed. Oh yea I know how to disassemble a 50cal. I read it in a book. Oh I saw so and so do it so I know from experience from watching I can do it.

 

[Athena]

@r3skyline

The difference is that views on marriage are an opinion, not fact or knowledge. Anyone can have an opinion on anything they want. That's one of the awesome things about opinions. Having knowledge about something may imply that person has a more informed opinion, but that doesn't make their opinion any better or more true.

In fact, there are lots of ways to have knowledge about marriage without being married. You can gain knowledge via the experience of others: your parents, relatives, friends. You can also have an opinion of marriage based on your own romantic relationships, even if you were never married to that individual. For example, someone whose parents divorced while they were kids living at home may have a more negative opinion of marriage than someone whose parents were happily married their whole lives.

 

[Pride]

Reasons why my opinion was not bias:
One and a half year is a long time. If you really want my honest opinion on it, I'll say it right now. I'm not enjoying it. There is a lot on the line when one gets married. I know her more than she knows me. I know her quirks, her habits, and stuff I'm not putting on here because it may be deemed inappropriate. She doesn't know that much about me. She doesn't know I'm atheist, and I told my friends if they bring it up around her, their lives may be... Incredibly shortened! *DUN DUN DUN!*
Reinforcing point is: Marriage isn't just a long-term relationship. It's a bond between two people who care for each other, share similar views, know each other well, and of course, love each other. Take it from me, I learn a lot the hard way, which is the fastest way of learning things.

The fact that you were not honest with her was a the problem, it is your responsibility to tell your partner. I'm an Atheist, she knows and we are married and we did it because its what she wanted for her own beliefs. Its not like I gave up my belief in getting married, the fact that "God" is said has no bearing or meaning to me. The government also likes marriage, as PMJ pointed out earlier in the thread.

I've been happily married and have been together for five years, if I had any doubts I wouldn't have gotten married.

 

[Chaos Jackal]

I just don't know... Don't get me wrong, I've seen many happy marriages, my parents are an excellent example, but I've also seen people suffering from being married, I've seen people leading a perfect life as non-married couples or singles. And I've seen divorces, so many of them... We've got a pretty high divorce rate here in Greece. So I can't really see marriage as something more than a 'necessary evil' as others stated before me.

 

[Pokequaza]

Just to reiterate. How can you have experience in anything without participating in it?

'And as you have no experience in never getting married, you cannot judge the other side of the argument either.' This argument works as well as yours does, it has a value of zero. Just because you are not a musician, does not mean you cannot have an opinion on music, does it?

 

[Pride]

The divorce rate is believed to be 40-50% in America and that percentage is higher with other marriages after the first. A lot of that is attributed to people that are not fully mature thus being "different" as they get older and not really ready to actually be married. "Necessary evil" is not fitting at all because no one is forced to get married, this isn't those old times. They made a decision and it didn't work out, like most relationships anyways.

Edit:

'And as you have no experience in never getting married, you cannot judge the other side of the argument either.' This argument works as well as yours does, it has a value of zero. Just because you are not a musician, does not mean you cannot have an opinion on music, does it?

Of course your entitled to your opinion on everything. Your opinion matters little in a discussion, however, if you have no first-hand knowledge or study on the subject at hand.

 

[Chaos Jackal]

I'm talking based on the facts here. Unfortunately, a great number of people still believe that staying single or living as a non-married couple is a thing to be ashamed of. So narrow-minded... That's why I used 'necessary evil' in the first place.

 

[Pride]

Sure that some people still think that but I fail to see how relevant that is. Unless you crumble that easily to pressure or negativity, you should feel no obligation to get married to anyone but yourself and your spouse. People said things to my wife about how we were "living in sin" by not being married, how she shouldn't be with a non-believer or that I shouldn't marry someone that has health problems, but the truth is none of that matters besides how you feel about someone.

 

[Pokequaza]

Edit:

'And as you have no experience in never getting married, you cannot judge the other side of the argument either.' This argument works as well as yours does, it has a value of zero. Just because you are not a musician, does not mean you cannot have an opinion on music, does it?

Of course your entitled to your opinion on everything. Your opinion matters little in a discussion, however, if you have no first-hand knowledge or study on the subject at hand.

Almost right. Every opinion has no value. Whether you are considered an expert on that subject does not matter, since any opinion is a subjective argument.

 

[r3skyline]

Just to reiterate. How can you have experience in anything without participating in it?

'And as you have no experience in never getting married, you cannot judge the other side of the argument either.' This argument works as well as yours does, it has a value of zero. Just because you are not a musician, does not mean you cannot have an opinion on music, does it?

I have no experience in not being/getting married??? Are you serious? LOL

 

[Pride]

If we are arguing between ourselves then yes, our opinions would probably be irrelevant and wouldn't sway each other. Its everyone else that your trying to sway and that's when being on an expert on a subject is given more weight then a non-expert... In everything. In courts of law, sports, literature, etc.

 

[Delta]

Marriage = Having a boy/girlfriend but at the end of it losing half of your stuff.

I can't wait to get married!

 

[Pokequaza]

'And as you have no experience in never getting married, you cannot judge the other side of the argument either.' This argument works as well as yours does, it has a value of zero. Just because you are not a musician, does not mean you cannot have an opinion on music, does it?

I have no experience in not being/getting married??? Are you serious? LOL

Yes I am. You probably misread it though, since you said you were married, you cannot possibly stay un-married throughout your life.

If we are arguing between ourselves then yes, our opinions would probably be irrelevant and wouldn't sway each other. Its everyone else that your trying to sway and that's when being on an expert on a subject is given more weight then a non-expert... In everything. In courts of law, sports, literature, etc.

Take marriage for example; one can get married a dozen times and can have bad experiences with all of them, he/she will probably tell you that marriage is a bad thing, or one is happily married and tell you it is a good thing. Even with experience it still boils down to a matter of personal choice; an subjective opinion. An opinion from a person with experience is not worth more, people just have the tendancy to value them more.

 

[Chaos Jackal]

@Delta: That's a perspective. But it adds things like money to the equation. That's a whole different story.

 

[Haunted Water]

Reasons why my opinion was not bias:
One and a half year is a long time. If you really want my honest opinion on it, I'll say it right now. I'm not enjoying it. There is a lot on the line when one gets married. I know her more than she knows me. I know her quirks, her habits, and stuff I'm not putting on here because it may be deemed inappropriate. She doesn't know that much about me. She doesn't know I'm atheist, and I told my friends if they bring it up around her, their lives may be... Incredibly shortened! *DUN DUN DUN!*
Reinforcing point is: Marriage isn't just a long-term relationship. It's a bond between two people who care for each other, share similar views, know each other well, and of course, love each other. Take it from me, I learn a lot the hard way, which is the fastest way of learning things.

The fact that you were not honest with her was a the problem, it is your responsibility to tell your partner. I'm an Atheist, she knows and we are married and we did it because its what she wanted for her own beliefs. Its not like I gave up my belief in getting married, the fact that "God" is said has no bearing or meaning to me. The government also likes marriage, as PMJ pointed out earlier in the thread.

I've been happily married and have been together for five years, if I had any doubts I wouldn't have gotten married.

You blew off the point I was attempting to make. I don't want to just spring it upon her at some random event. It's already bad enough the relationship is turning into s***, so telling a nearly devout Catholic "By the way, I'm an atheist" isn't going to go so well.
I was trying to get the point that trust is a nessescity. Do I trust her? Yes. Do I fear her judgement? Yes, mostly because her friends seem to just think that I don't mean shit.
Sorry if I sound rude, I'm just starting to get angry, and I probably should've explained myself better.