RE: Pokemon Journey Through Life, CHAPTER 7 IS HERE! COME CHECK IT OUT AND COMMENT!
Hmm hmm... anyways, going back to the chapter. The content is pretty good - nice to see how you handled the evolution there. It's also good to see some new pokes involved, and more characters
However... especially compared to some chapters, the grammer and such was lacking. Although I'm not PERFECTLY sure on my grammer with speech, I know that there were a multitude of problems with it here... I don't want to be excessively picky on things (but this might well sound picky), but be careful of these:
Even if it's wrong, at LEAST be consistant with the way you handle speech. For example, you used several different "endings" for speech as I'll show now:
Moneyking63 said:
“Come on guys we just stopped for lunch like an hour ago! It’s only a couple more miles.” Exclaimed Max.
“Hey Max at least let me see the map then” asked Matt. (No gramma used in this example)
“What!” Said Matt and Ellen in unison.
“You could have told us this earlier!” exclaimed Ellen
From what I know, you should use a comma at the end of your speech if you say something afterwards, like so:
“Hey Max at least let me see the map then
,” asked Matt.
If you aren't going to say something afterwards, but you're going on to an action of sorts, it's best to end the sentence in the speech marks and start a new sentence afterwards. I can't remember seeing an example of this being done (or done incorrectly for that matter) but be wary of it anyhow.
Also, if you say anything after the speech, do NOT capitalize the word afterwards. The last two sentences I quoted showed the inconsistancy here - you did this at times and not at others. You need to be careful to keep the same pattern of grammer within your work - it's hard to read something that's confused by itself.
Final small point just now, which I saw you fixed - take caution with the BB Code if you choose to use it. Make sure that you get it right before you leave the thread, otherwise your chapter looks messy and unprofessional. Although... you need the grammer right (or at least consistant for neatness) for this too.
Do I sense that you rushed this a little too much? This chapter was far more error-laiden than the previous one... I don't feel that you took your time on this one. I know you're trying hard, and I'm not slating the content of the chapter; you're doing well in terms of story progression and such. It's the readibility issue that I'm concerned about. I can understand what you're saying, but that's no reason not to clean up a little. I'm used to poor writing from those around me, so I can understand things a little easier. However... some people can't, and so you need to make sure to keep it smart.
Good luck with the next chapter. If you can take your time a little more with it to clean up the speech, you can make these great in more than just the content.
