Writing Pokemon: The Savior of the Destroyed Galaxy! Finally completed!

PokeChamp

PokeChamp

Aspiring Trainer
Member



Prologue​
Team Galactic has destroyed the galaxy we know, and replaced it for one of their own. The people and Pokemon of the previous galaxy were able to nearly escape their death, because they heard that their galaxy was about to be destroyed. They took the portal that Team Galactic opened up into the new galaxy, just in time before their galaxy was destroyed. In this new galaxy, there is barely any green, and much of this galaxy is barren, and almost desert-like. There is limited sunlight, as in Team Galactic's galaxy, the sun is not as bright. Most of the plants have died, and there is nothing to like in this barren galaxy. Team Galactic rules all, and Pokemon are not allowed to be captured, because they are considered to be the property of Team Galactic. No one has Pokemon anymore, because they are not allowed to own Pokemon. Team Galactic has their Pokemon act as a police force, a police force called G Squad, and most of the Pokemon are much stronger than Humans, so no one dares to challenge this mighty police force. The creators of this universe are Dialga and Palkia, and they are locked away deep in the caverns of Team Galactic's new base. They are the keys to this galaxy, and are but the only ones who can restore the old galaxy. Everyone must do what Team Galactic says, or else. There is but one hope: A good team called Team Heart. They regularly oppose Team Galactic, and are Team Galactic's only fear. This team has it's Pokemon as well, and they are on-par with the power of Team Galactic's Pokemon.

Chapter one: Adron's challenge​
Adron couldn't remember what life at the "old" galaxy was like anymore. He was told that it was beautiful, and more so than Galactic's galaxy. It was what kept him defying Team Galactic, a lost cause that he, along with Team Heart, were fighting for. Everyday, in some way, he defied Team Galactic. Whether it be walking in the streets with his Pokemon, or making fun of the G Squad while they patrolled the streets. Adron had blue eyes, and unkempt brown hair. He usually wore a jacket, along with a pair of jeans.

Today was a big day for Team Heart. Adron had trained his Pokemon for this fight. Team Heart was going to challenge Team Galactic to a battle, and they were going to overthrow them today. Adron's Pidgeot had been learning powerful moves, and Adron had made sure that Pidgeot's stats were top class.
"In order to defeat Team Galactic," Zarik, Adron's mentor, told Adron,
"You must use your heart, because in order to defeat someone, you must defeat them with what they don't have".
Whenever Adron went into the wild to train his Pidgeot, he remembered these words, and always tried to bond with Pidgeot in some way. As such, they were very close together, and such a bond they shared together that Pidgeot could do what Adron wanted, almost to the point where Adron didn't even have to tell Pidgeot anything.

As Team Heart headed towards the Team Galactic base, they all mustered their courage, staring straight into the armored tower that was called simply, "G Base".
"That's a big tower!" Exclaimed Zarik, Adron's mentor. Zarik had taught Adron everything about Pokemon battles, and how when you bond yourself with your Pokemon, your Pokemon's strength grows. Zarik was bald, and he had a grey beard, despite his younger age. As they walked towards G Base, the doors of G Base creaked open ominously.
Then, out of the blue, rushed many shady looking people. They were the members of Team Galactic, and they were heading straight towards Team Heart!
"Get ready for the fight of your life," said Zarik
"and remember Team, as long as we battle with our hearts, Team Galactic stands no chance!".
The two teams met with each other, and Commander Saturn, one of the commanders of Team Galactic asked,
"What is your business here, Team Heart?".
"We have come to challenge Team Galactic, Saturn!" Exclaimed Zarik.
"Please, like your pathetic team could actually beat Team Galactic?" mocked Saturn.
Adron looked at Saturn, his heart burning with passion.
"If you think you're so much better than us," said Adron, "Then fight me in a Pokemon battle!". Saturn at first seemed surprised, but then Saturn gave a chuckle, and replied
"Do you really think you stand any chance? Fine! Then we will battle, right here, right now!".
Adron pulled his Poke Ball out of his belt, and got ready to throw it.
"Let's do this!" Yelled Adron,
"GO! PIDGEOT!". Adron threw his Poke Ball into the air. It opened, and out came a huge bird, flapping it's gigantic wings. Saturn took a dark-looking Poke Ball from his belt, and yelled
"Finish this loser! GO! TOXICROAK!", a toad-like Pokemon came out of the Poke Ball, armed with two poison spikes on it's knuckles.
"It's time to lose, boy!" Shouted Saturn.
"Pigeot! Use Fly!" Pidgeot flew into the air, and then came diving down at Toxicroak.
"Toxicroak! Dodge!" Toxicroak dodged Pidgeot, and Pidgeot hit the ground, unable to stop it's dive.
"Quick Toxicroak! Use Poison Jab!" Toxicroak started to secrete poison from it's knuckles, and it jabbed Pidgeot with it's spiked knuckle. Pidgeot seemed to be in pain, and Adron started to worry, knowing that Pidgeot had been poisoned.
"Pidgeot! Hyper Beam!" Pidgeot fired a white beam of power, and it hit Toxicroak, who was downed by the sheer power of the beam. "Alright Pidgeot!" cried Adron.
"Get up, you useless Pokemon!" cried Saturn.
"Cover yourself with your poison, Toxicroak!" Toxicroak let the poison loose from it's knuckles, and rubbed the poison on himself.
"Now, Toxicroak, charge at Pidgeot!" Toxicroak charged at Pidgeot, but Pidgeot was too fast, and dodged the attack. Then, Pidgeot used another Hyper Beam at Toxicroak, but Toxicroak dodged this one.
"Toxicroak! Use your secret technique!" cried Saturn. Toxicroak secreted poison from it's knuckles, and he charged straight at Pidgeot.
"Dodge Poison Jab!" cried Adron. Pidgeot dodged Toxixroak's charge, but Toxicroak turned around suddenly, and then a flames erupted from Toxicroak's knuckles.
"Hah, that's my secret Flamethrower trick!" exclaimed Saturn. It hit Pidgeot straight on, and Pidgeot went down for the count.

"Scram losers!" shouted Saturn, as the G Squad chased away Team Heart.
When Team Heart returned to their base, no one said anything, all of them upset over there loss to Team Galactic.
"You did good Pidgeot." said Adron, trying to calm Pidgeot down after it's defeat. Adron walked to Zarik's room.
"Zarik..." Adron asked,
"What are we going to do about Team Galactic?".
"We will have to get reinforcements," said Zarik,
"We will travel, and find talented Pokemon trainers to help our cause, while ridding Team Galactic from other areas where Pokemon battles aren't allowed".
"Pack your bags, and get some of your friends to come with us," said Zarik,
"We will be looking for our last hope".
Adron nodded, ready to catch new Pokemon, and he got ready to travel to the distant lands where they were about to go.
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

Pretty nice story, but... Team Heart? Surely there's a better name than that. :/
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

Well, it's supposed to symbolize that they love their Pokemon, and share a bond with them, unlike Team Galactic, who treat their Pokemon like dirt.
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

Oh, OK, sure I'll do that. I usually don't write stories, so this is somewhat new to me. But I'll do my best :D
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

^ Wouldn't that be Team Rocket? Anyway I'm loving the sroyline, please please write some more 8/10!
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

There's a few minor spelling errors, but very good otherwise. I kinda like the plot of this story, it could become a good one. However, everything is happening way too fast. You need to learn about building up tension and excitement before anything interesting actually happens. You should also try splitting the paragraphs every time someone says something, so it's not all packed up in one block of text.

What i suggest, since you barely started, is delete this, and re-write the first chapter with the advice i gave you. You're not very far yet, so it's definetly worth it. And remember:

- Don't go too fast.
- Build up some tension.
- Split the paragraphs when people are talking.
-
And most importantly, think it up before you write it down. The speech of the characters sounds like it's rushed and forced, there's no character development. It doesn't sound very realistic when you read it.

Hope this helps, and good luck ;)
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

I am not going to delete it, but I will edit it, thanks for the advice!
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

You could also give a description of what this world looks like, since i doubt it's all sunshine and green grass and flowers and.... you know where i'm going right? :p
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall

Oh, okay, sure, I forgot about that. It's not a very nice looking place.

I edited the story a little bit, with all of your advice.
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall (edited, it's better now!)

PokeChamp said:
Before I begin my story, I am going to give you some background info.
Click to expand...

This is what writers call a "Prologue". I suggest you just delete the part i just quoted, it helps maintain the illusion that you're actually inside the story instead of reading the story :p
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall (edited, it's better now!)

Sure, thanks for the advice!

Good now?
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall (edited, it's better now!)

There's nothing i can think of to further improve this story or your writing style. Just keep all of this stuff in mind and your future chapters might be even better than this one :)


Very good, especially since you're new to writing :D
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall (edited, it's better now!)

Chapter 2: A forced start to our hero's journey​
Adron walked out of Zarik's room, down the hall, and outside where the rest of Team Heart was. He had to find some people that he could trust. He thought about what they might need on this journeym, and he thought about Braxin and Xanthius. He came over to Braxin, a skilled Battler that preferred all-out force. Braxin was heavy-set, he wore a red cap, and had black hair. His Pokemon was Lucario, and a tough Pokemon it was. Adron remembered how he had lost to this powerful Pokemon several times, and he also remembered how Pidgeot's moves weren't super effective against Lucario, because of his back-up steel type.
"Hey Braxin," asked Adron "Me and Zarik are going on a journey to catch new Pokemon, as well as find talented trainers to help our cause, and I was wondering if you wanted to help us out?".
"Alright, I'll help you Adron," replied Braxin,
"But only because we need to kick Team Galactic's butt!".
"Thanks Braxin, we leave tomorrow!" Adron told Braxin this, and then left to find Xanthius. Xanthius was exactly the opposite of Braxin. While Braxin preferred force, Xanthius preferred mind tricks. He was the only one who defeated Braxin, perhaps because Braxin's brain couldn't keep up with Xanthius. Xanthius' Pokemon was Alakazam, who learned very powerful moves, like Psychic. Xanthius was extremely thin, almost skeletal, had blond hair, and we wore very big army boots that looked very uncomfortable to wear. The reason he wore these boots wasn't known, but he seemed to walk, and run, just fine with them. Adron walked up to Xanthius, thinking about how when Braxin found out that Xanthius was coming, he would probably kill Adron.
"Well hello there, Adron" said Xanthius "How nice to see you."
"It's nice to see you too!" exclaimed Adron.
"I need to ask you a favor, Xanthius." said Adron.
"What is it?" Asked Xanthius.
"Well, after our defeat at G Base, me and Zarik decided we needed to go find some more Pokemon, and also, we will be on the look out for talented trainers, so," asked Adron,
"Would you be willing to come with us?".
"Absolutely!" Exclaimed Xanthius, "It would my honor to help you on your journey".
"Thanks Xanthius!" exclaimed Adron.
"Don't mention it!" replied Xanthius.

Adron went to Zarik's chamber, and he told Zarik about how he had recruited Braxin and Xanthius.
"Excellent choices," said Zarik, "Muscle and brains, we will be able to go far with those selections, Adron."
Adron said,
"Thank you sir.", and he went to his room which was located in the base. It was a quite and peaceful room, with images of the "old" galaxy on the ceiling. In his room, he had a bed, a shelve for keeping books, and a computer. He sighed, changed into his pajamas, laid himself into his bed, and drew the covers over himself. It took a little bit, but after a while, he drifted off to sleep...

Adron heard a voice next to his bed. He tried to open his eyes, but found that he couldn't. The voice was soft, yet it seemed to be begging Adron to do something. It was very quiet, and Adron couldn't hear most of the words, but what he did hear were this words, over and over again,
"Help... Please... Help... Pokemon... Disaster cave", after hearing this pattern of words three times over, he drifted off to sleep again, and had a dreamless sleep.

Adron awoke with screams in his hears, he heard chaos outside of Team Heart's base. He quickly got dressed, and rushed outside, heart pounding, not knowing what he was about to see. A great fire had been lit, eating away at anything it could get it's fiery hands on. Books about Pokemon battles, and the "old" galaxy were no more, eaten away by the unmerciful fire. The cause of the fire was, of course, Team Galactic, who stood next to many Houndoom who were keeping the fire alive, despite Team Heart's many attempts to douse the fire. Standing in front of Team Galactic, Adron saw a huge man, dressed in a biker's jacket, and on his head was a huge helmet with the letter "D" on it. Suddenly, Zarik rushed over to Adron, a solemn look on his face.
"We will have to take more than your two friends," Zarik said, speaking very fast,
"Our team has been scattered, they had to run, for their life was at stake."
"We will be taking ten of us on our journey," Zarik explained,
"In addition to Braxin and Xanthius".
All of the members of Team Heart that hadn't ran away joined Zarik and Adron, and they ran from their base, away from Team Galactic. They would have to find good Pokemon and talented trainers. It was, after all, their last hope, or Team Galactic would win control of their galaxy forever, and if this happened, they would never see their "old" galaxy again...


"Cowardly fools!" exclaimed Saturn,
"They made a run for it!".
"Sir?" asked a grunt.
"You could always try Doom..."
"Yes, an excellent plan!" exclaimed Saturn,
"Doom, get over here!"
"What is it Saturn?" asked the huge man wearing the "D" helmet,
"I already burned down the stinkin' base, what more do you want from me?".
"Remember that reward I was telling you about? Do this for me, and you'll have double of it!" said Saturn.
Doom thought about the reward, and doubling it was too good to be true. After this, he would get all the chocolate he ever wanted!
"Okay, I'll do it!" exclaimed Doom, "What do you need from me?"
"As you probably know," explained Saturn,
"Team Heart has escaped our grasp. We need you to track them down for us. Don't kill any of them, though, unless they give you no choice," said Saturn
"If you can, bring them back to me, alive! Especially that boy! He must make it back alive!"
"Don't worry sir," said Doom,
"They cannot run from their Doom!"
After he said this, he gave a whistle, and a huge motorbike appeared. Doom returned his many Houndoom to their Poke Balls, and he mounted his motorbike. Then, with a sudden roar of the engines, he took off, laughing as he went.
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall, Chapter 2 is now up! A forced start to our hero's journey...

Very nice, but you're still moving too fast. Try adding more details or side-trips as you're working towards the end of the chapter.

What you're doing is going from A to B, while actually, you should try going from A to E, and find a way to put B, C, and D in between somewhere.
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall, Chapter 2 is now up! A forced start to our hero's journey...

SixaxiS said:
Very nice, but you're still moving too fast. Try adding more details or side-trips as you're working towards the end of the chapter.

What you're doing is going from A to B, while actually, you should try going from A to E, and find a way to put a B, C, and D in between somewhere.
Click to expand...

Sounds confusing :D

I'll try that out, I'll slow it down a bit, I guess...
Check back for edits!

I added more sentences in the conversation between Doom and Saturn. Doom is now supposed to bring back Adron alive. I also made Doom a chocolate-lover. What do you think about that, SixaxiS?

I made added in more content, like details. I think I know what you meant about slowing down.
How do you like it now?
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall, Chapter 2 is now up! A forced start to our hero's journey...

It's a bit better i guess :p
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall, chapter 3 is now up!

Chapter three: Cyrun's message​
 Team Heart trudged along the wasteland of Galactic's galaxy in utter defeat. Moments ago, they had lost their base to a great fire, ignited by many Houndoom. Little did they know, that they would be tracked down by Doom, a huge man wearing a red helmet with a "D" on it, who was hunting them down on his motorbike. Team Heart came across a great forest, and they all decided to stay in it for the night, to provide them some coverage from Team Galactic. They set up a camp, along with a camp-fire for warmth. When they got done with doing this, they all either went to sleep, or talked with their fellow members. Adron was contemplating what that strange dream had been about, how the voice in his head had been calling for help. And then, he remembered that the voice had said something about Disaster cave. Adron never head about it, but it gave him the chills simply thinking about the name of the cave. He walked to Zarik's small tent, opened the tent door, and asked,
"Zarik?".
Zarik woke up steadily from his sleep, as if he might not have been sleeping at all.
"What is it, Adron?", asked Zarik, "Why have you come to see me?".
"Can you tell me about Disaster cave?", asked Adron. Zarik paused for a bit, as if he hadn't been expecting this question. And indeed, he hadn't. After this pause, he replied,
"Disaster cave, as the name implies, is the home of many a disaster. No one who has entered this cave has ever come out alive."
Adron grimaced, shocked at this statement. After a brief pause of his own, he said,
"Thank you for telling me about it".
"You are most welcome, Adron", answered Zarik. After they said good night to each other, Adron went to his tent to get some sleep. He entered his tent, closed the tent door, and lay down upon the ground...
Suddenly, he understood something important. There was no ground! He didn't lay down on any kind of ground, he was falling in thin air! He looked up, and saw the tent roof above him, slowly shrinking as he fell further. He didn't remember anything else...

The next thing he knew, he was on solid ground again. He looked up, trying to see how far he had fallen. He couldn't see the tent roof anymore, he must have fallen quite a bit. How did he survive then? He looked behind him. A great bird was sitting behind him, looking exhausted and tired.
"Pidgeot!" Adron cried.
Before he could say anything else to Pidgeot, however, he noticed a pale glow coming from behind him. It was the exact same kind of light he had seen in his dream. It advanced, coming nearer, and nearer, as if it was walking toward him. Then, the light came no nearer, and Adron blinked. When his blink ended, he couldn't make sense of what had just happened. A young boy had appeared in front of Adron. He seemed to exude radiance. His hair was a radiant blond, and his face was very fair, like an angel. He spoke to Adron,
"Welcome Adron, I am Cyrun. I am in grave peril from Team Galactic, and they are holding me, along with my Pokemon, hostage. You can see me know because of my Xatu's Psychic powers. It is because of him I can see you know, and you can see me. You may think this is but a mere dream, and you will most likely dismiss this as one when you wake up, but I must ask you to rescue me. I understand your companions may not follow along with you as you rescue me, but I beg you: Please rescue me!", as he said this, the light around him faded, and he started to disappear slowly,
"No, please, tell me more!", cried Adron, and he ran after him.
But Cyrun disappeared all of a sudden, and Adron ran straight into a wall, and he knew no more.

Adron found himself awakening in the morning. The first thing he thought about was the events that had happened to him in the night. He knew what he had seen couldn't be a dream, it was too real. In Disaster cave, Cyrun was being held captive, and the only person that could save him was Adron. He had to tell Zarik about this, this was too important. He got dressed, rushed out of the tent, and went over to Zarik's tent. Zarik was sitting outside of it, playing an old flute. Adron greeted Zarik, asked him how he was feeling, and then told him about the events the night had brought him.
"Adron, don't be dumb. It was just a dream, nothing more.", said Zarik.
"It was more than a dream, it was a plea for help, and we have to help Cyrun!", Adron told Zarik.
"Please, I am telling you, there is no way that Team Galactic could get through Disaster cave, it's impossible!" exclaimed Zarik.
"I have to go," said Adron,
"I have to save Cyrun!".
"I can't talk you out of this, can I?" Zarik asked solemnly,
"Fine, but none of us can come with you, you will be alone on this, Adron."
"We will be heading to Cyrus' G Castle. It's his private retreat. We will defeat him their."
"If you ever want to see us again, you will find us their", explained Zarik.
"But why?", asked Adron,
"I thought you were supposed to find talented trainers and catch new Pokemon?"
"We were,", explained Zarik,
"In order to get to the towns, we have to go through the castle",
"You can't go around it, under it, or over it, they have defenses everywhere".
"Oh, and also, I have a parting gift for you", Zarik told Adron. He blew on his flute an ancient-sounding tune, and it was quite beautiful to hear. It uplifted Adron. But that was not all it did. Adron saw something pink in in the sky. It came closer, and closer, until finally it descended from the heavens, and Adron saw what it was. It was a pink bubble, and in it was a very small Pokemon. It was pink, and it had the most beautiful appearance that Adron had ever seen in a Pokemon. The bubble popped, and out of it came the small Pokemon.
"This is Mew," explained Zarik,
"It can learn every move that Pokemon can know, including a move called Flash, which will prove itself as a most useful move. It will lighten up the inky darkness of Disaster cave. I know you will survive the cave, Adron. I survived it too.", and with these parting words, Team Heart left their campsite, and went to defeat Cyrus at his palace. Adron headed towards Disaster cave, along with his new Pokemon, Mew. As they traveled, they saw an inn very close to the cave, an inn called "The Last Stop".
"We should go to that inn, Mew.", said Adron. Mew cheerfully agreed. They walked up to small inn, and entered. They saw that the inn had no one in it, and Adron felt sorry for the family that must run this place, as they seemed to be having terrible business. Adron sat down near one of the inn's tables, and almost right away, a boy (perhaps a little younger than Adron) walked up to Adron. He wore a kitchen-apron, and had black hair. Standing next to him was a very short old man, who had extremely yellow-skin. The boy asked Adron,
"What can I get...", but then he stopped dead in his tracks, noting the floating pink Pokemon that was next to his customer.
"That's a Pokemon." said the boy. He seemed surprised. Then, he noted that on the right arm of Adron's jacket was a blue heart, the mark of a member of Team Heart.
"I know you!", said the boy,
"You're a member of Team Heart!".
The boy ran upstairs, and yelled something like,
"Mom, they've finally come, I'm leaving now!".
He rushed downstairs, no longer in his waiter-garments, but in close more suited for adventuring. Then, to Adron's shock, the small old man took off all of his clothing, including his beard. What stood before Adron was a small, yellow mouse.
"PikaPikachu!" exclaimed the small mouse.
"What's going on?", asked Adron.
The boy replied,
"I'm Ash Ketchum, I've always wanted to become the very best. And now that you're here, I can live that dream!" explained Ash.
"I've got plenty of Pokemon, and I'm coming with you, no matter what!". After saying this, Adron washed himself up a little, and he got ready for his journey through Disaster cave.

Doom drove his motorbike to Team Heart's abandoned campsite. He looked around the tents, hoping to find the boy called Adron and go home. But he didn't find anyone.
"Drat!" , yelled Doom
"They've gone and left again!". All of a sudden, he spotted something laying in the grass. It was an un-opened chocolate bar.
"CHOCOLATE!", screamed Doom. He sprang over to the chocolate in one leap, and he quickly opened the wrapper. Then, he soon greedily choked down the piece of candy (although this is an understatement of how quickly he ate it).
"Yum, I sure love chocolate!", exclaimed Doom. He took one of the many Poke Balls on his belt, and threw it into the air. Out of the Poke Ball came a wolf with two horns on it's head. Upon release, it gave a chilling howl.
"Find them my sweet!", exclaimed Doom.
The Pokemon started heading in the direction Zarik and Team Heart, while Doom slowly followed behind his Pokemon with his motorbike.
"Team Heart can't get away this time!", exclaimed Doom. And as he said this, he started to chuckle to himself.

"What did you say?", asked a man with spiky-blue hair. He was taking a bath filled with many pink bubbles.
"M-M-Master, Team Heart is coming near to our castle, according to our secret spies.", said a very scared butler.
"Well ,tell them to eliminate Team Heart!", commanded the blue-haired man.
"It will be done, Master Cyrus." , said the Butler.
And with that, he phoned the secret spies, and informed them of his master's command.
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall, chapter 3 is now up! Cyrun's message!

Cyrus taking a pink-bubbled bath LOL (totally not his style, but still awesome lol!)

I'd suggest you don't go too far with Doom's chocolate obsession though, at least not like that. He's a strong tough guy, he should act the same about chocolate. The most essential part about a character is to stay in character.

Also, when using already existing characters like in this case, Ash, make sure you can copy his characteristics perfectly when writing.
PokeChamp said:
Oh, I probably haven't introduced myself yet, have I?", asked the boy,
"I'm Ash Ketchum, and I wanna' be the very best!".
Click to expand...
Doesn't really sound like him IMO. And since the world was destroyed by Team G, i'd suggest you turn Ash into a slightly more serious character than he usually is, but still showing a somewhat cheerful personality from time to time.

However, another good idea would be to just remove Ash from the story while you still can :p

Adding Mew so early into the story is a daring move, but it might work. It does seem sort of unrealistic that Zarik would give Adron a Mew just to use Flash in some cave though :p (unless there's a deeper reason as to why Zarik gave him a Mew)


Other than that, you've definetly gotten alot better since you wrote the first chapter.
 
RE: Pokemon: Team Galactic's Downfall, chapter 3 is now up! Cyrun's message!

My comments:
Your there's are being spelt "their". Fix them :D
And kill Ash off. In like, the first paragraph of the next chapter.

Other than that, well done.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top