The Jokes Thread

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What do you get when you combine a dyslexic an agnostic and an insomniac? a person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there really is a dog.




-sillykyle!
 
my contribution:
Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Click to expand...
That sucker's in my bio now, son =D
 
This is a good one.:
Why did it take 6 Boy Scouts to help the old lady across the street?

(Sorry,I don't know how to do those spoiler things)




Because she didn't want to go.
 
@123wert50: I've got one a lot like that, except it involves capitalization instead.
I'll conceal the punchline again, this time because it's only a teeny bit inappropriate.

"Capitalization is very important. It's the difference between helping your uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
 
Hah. I've already seen the let's eat grandma joke because it was in Tyrant Tyranitar's signature for a time. DNA's made me roll on the floor laughing.
 
Consider the following sentence and try to understand it:

You can never have too much water in a nuclear reactor.

Saturday Night Live FTW.
 
@nabby101: I'm trying to make it click. Either the joke isn't that funny or there's something I'm missing...
@TDL: I aim to please =D
 
Am I allowed to link to the Youtube video? It's an old Saturday Night Live skit where this man who runs a Nuclear Reactor tells his employees "There's only one thing you need to know: You can never have too much water in a Nuclear Reactor." And then he leaves for his vacation. So the employees are trying to figure out if he meant that you can have lots of water in the reactor, or not much at all. It's pretty hilarious.
 
A women haves 3 children,whose names are No one,Nobody and Foolish.One day,No one,Noboddy and Foolish were walking through a bridge,when suddenly No one falled from the bridge and Nobody was helping him.Then Foolish went to a policeman and told him:"Please help!No one is falling from the bridge and Nobody is helping him"Then the policeman said:"You are foolish right?"Then Foolish said:"Yes,nice to meet you!"

Here is another one:
One day,a little kid was on his house,when suddenly his little brother wanted a Yo-yo from the store,his dad wanted a Cutter,his mom wanted some Mangos,and he wanted a Superman for himself.Then he went outside,saying Yo-yo,Yo-yo,Yo-yo,Cutter,Cutter,Cutter,Mangos,Mangos,Mangos,Superman,Superman,Superman,so he wouldnt forget anything.But he passed by a crime scene were someone was killed,and then the policeman said:"I wonder who did it..."Then the kid passed when he was saying Yo-yo,and since the policeman knows Spanish,he thought that the kid said Me,Me,Me,Me,Me,Me.Then the policeman said:"With what?"Then the kid said:"Cutter,Cutter,Cutter"Then the policeman said:"Come with me kid"Then the kid said:"Mangos,Mangos,Mangos",and the policeman thought that he was making fun of him.Then the policeman said:"Who do you think you are?!"Then the kid said:"Superman,Superman,Superman"...

I hope you enjoy them. ;)
 
^I have a variation of that joke, except it involves the phrases "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi", "Guns and knives", and "Goody goody gumdrops".
I'd tell it, but it's almost a repeat of what you just said.
 
Igor's boss is a huge criminal mastermind. He has hired four minions to do his bidding for him. One's name was Frank, another was Francis, and the third's name was Frankenstein. What was the fourth one's name?
Igor!
 
A person at the swimming pool says to three boys that they must shout something they want to swim in while they go down a slide.
Boy A, while going to the slide, shouts JELLY! So he swims in Jelly.
Boy B, while going to the slide, shouts CHOCOLATE SAUCE! So he swims in Chocolate Sauce.
Boy C, while going to the slide, shouts WEEEEE!
 
@DNA, lawl
Are we allowed to post "innappropriate" jokes as long as we conceal them?
For example text the same color as the backround or spoiler tags?
 
^The version of that joke I know is where the third kid trips at the top of the slide, exclaims "oh crap" and slides down face first...
I'm officially changing the topic of this game. It's now called "I don't laugh, You lose". whoever posts unfunny jokes loses.
 
One day, Wobbuffet's son accidentally steps on a gun, triggering it to shoot and killing his own grandfather. He is accused of murder and put on trial.
At the courthouse, several incriminating pieces of evidence are used against him: his footprints and fingerprints (he had picked it up after stepping on it) were on the gun, the security system caught him near it, and one lawyer claims that Wobbuffet's son had always hated his grandfather.
Throughout all this, he would love to plead innocent, and clear up any misunderstandings, but he barely knows how to talk, and was warned by his mother to keep quiet.
He is found guilty and sentenced to spend 5 years in a center for juvenile delinquents.
As he packs his bags to leave, his father comes in.
"Why, son? Why have you done this?"
Wobbuffet's son looks his father straight in the eye, almost crying, and says one word.
"Wynaut?"
 
A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barkeeper reaches under the table and pulls out a gun. Why?

The man had hiccoughs.

As I was going to Saint Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven hats,
Each hat had seven cats;
Each cat had seven kittens,
Each kitten had seven mittens.
Mittens and kittens, cats, hats, and wives...
How many were going to St. Ives?

One. I never said the other man and all his belongings were going to St. Ives.

For the answers, highlight my post.
 
So who wants to hear a joke about pizza?

...never mind, it's too cheesy.

tumblr_lfvpbpKscl1qafrh6.gif
 
Why a pizza joke and not a cheese joke? Woudn't the "too cheesy" punchline work better?
 
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