The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Shining Raikou
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There once lived a magician, and a splendid one at that. He finally was able to take his talents abroad when he was employed on a Greek cruise ship. Naturally, he brought along his favorite parrot. This parrot, however, always revealed his tricks to the audience.
When the magician pulled flowers out of his coat, "Already there!"
When the magician pulled a rabbit out of his hat, "Put carrots in it!"
When the magician made a dove disappear, "Flew up to the catwalks, RAWK!"
The magician got a lucky break when he was attempting a saw-the-woman-in-a-box-in-half trick, when the ship suddenly capsized. Two days later, the magician and the parrot were able to see each other again by catching onto a piece of driftwood.
They didn't speak for three more days.
On the third day, the parrot finally said, "I give up. Where'd you hide the ship?"
~AoH
When the magician pulled flowers out of his coat, "Already there!"
When the magician pulled a rabbit out of his hat, "Put carrots in it!"
When the magician made a dove disappear, "Flew up to the catwalks, RAWK!"
The magician got a lucky break when he was attempting a saw-the-woman-in-a-box-in-half trick, when the ship suddenly capsized. Two days later, the magician and the parrot were able to see each other again by catching onto a piece of driftwood.
They didn't speak for three more days.
On the third day, the parrot finally said, "I give up. Where'd you hide the ship?"
~AoH
This isn't exactly a joke, it is more a riddle (props to anyone who can figure it out 
)
There were 3 men that went to a hotel. Each of them payed $10 ($30 total) to cover the cost of the hotel room. The 3 men then went to their room. The manager soon received the money that the men payed. He realized the 3 men payed $5 dollars too much, so he gave $5 to the bellboy and told the bellboy to go the 3 men and give an equal amount to the 3 men. The bellboy ended up only giving $1 back to each of the men, which means he kept $2 for himself, right?
Since the bellboy gave $1 back to each of the men, each of the men ended up paying $9. So that means altogether they payed $27 (3*9=27) right?
Where did the $1 go?
)There were 3 men that went to a hotel. Each of them payed $10 ($30 total) to cover the cost of the hotel room. The 3 men then went to their room. The manager soon received the money that the men payed. He realized the 3 men payed $5 dollars too much, so he gave $5 to the bellboy and told the bellboy to go the 3 men and give an equal amount to the 3 men. The bellboy ended up only giving $1 back to each of the men, which means he kept $2 for himself, right?
Since the bellboy gave $1 back to each of the men, each of the men ended up paying $9. So that means altogether they payed $27 (3*9=27) right?
Where did the $1 go?
Well you said the bellboy had 5, so and he gave away 3, so he has 2 -_-
Where did the extra dollar go then?
If they payed $5 too much, they would have paid $35. Then the bellboy gives them each $1, making them pay $32, not $27. The bellboy still has the $2. What's the point?
/me is bad at riddles
Edit: Right, just clicked. Not thinking today.
/me is bad at riddles
Edit: Right, just clicked. Not thinking today.
If he said they payed 5 extra when they payed 30, that means it's 25 because he gave the 5 to the bellboy, then the bellboy gave 3 back, meaning they payed 28, because...
It is kind of like percentages, therefore you cannot get back to where you started by adding another number to it that would be the same as what you added. So you have to subtract it because the bill is already that number 25$ and not 30. Duh...
It is kind of like percentages, therefore you cannot get back to where you started by adding another number to it that would be the same as what you added. So you have to subtract it because the bill is already that number 25$ and not 30. Duh...
^Ludicolo909 got it! You must subtract the $2 instead of add, that means that once you subtract the $2 from $27 it leaves you with $25. Most people would add, which makes it seem like there is 1 extra dollar (add 2 to 27 -> 29, making people think that $1 is missing)
Great job, but I hoped I would have stumped more people than I did
Great job, but I hoped I would have stumped more people than I did
Lol, I'm just awesome at Maths. And I've heard that before ;P
KDay116 said:
Dyslexic... -_-
Anyway, I think Google might be planning something big for April Fool's Day that may or may not involve Rebecca Black's Friday. If this actually happens, just remember.... You heard it from me first. And when it does happen, I'll be kickin' in the front seat.
Want to hear a dirty joke?
A pig fell in the mud.
Want to hear an even dirtier joke?
Two pigs fell in the mud.
@Snorchu:
Wanna hear a clean joke?
Wanna hear a clean joke?
Jamie took a bath
It's Does Not Approve. Which is what I feel about these excessive spoilers (and Snorchu's terrible spelling).
Anyway, I have an actual joke for you peeps. (Highlight for the punchline.)
~~
A strong body-builder walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass, and while he's getting it, he takes two things out of his pocket: the first is a pristine lemon (probably fresh-picked), and the other is a $100 bill. Then he announces to the bar.
"I am going to squeeze this lemon. If any of you here can get any more drops out of this lemon after I'm done for it, you will get this $100."
So he squeezes the lemon juice into the glass until it's basically bone-dry.
Naturally, all the tough men in the bar want to try this out as well, but try as they might, they simply cannot get any more drops out of that lemon.
Finally, this scrawny guy in a suit gets up and says "I'll try it." Everyone else starts laughing at him. He ignores them however. He walks up to where the lemon is, and, using only one hand, he effortlessly squeezes 3 more drops out of the lemon.
"All right," the first man says, "just like I promised, you will get the $100. But, I have to ask, how did you squeeze that juice out without even trying?"
The suit then turns to the first man and replies, "I work for the IRS."
Anyway, I have an actual joke for you peeps. (Highlight for the punchline.)
~~
A strong body-builder walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass, and while he's getting it, he takes two things out of his pocket: the first is a pristine lemon (probably fresh-picked), and the other is a $100 bill. Then he announces to the bar.
"I am going to squeeze this lemon. If any of you here can get any more drops out of this lemon after I'm done for it, you will get this $100."
So he squeezes the lemon juice into the glass until it's basically bone-dry.
Naturally, all the tough men in the bar want to try this out as well, but try as they might, they simply cannot get any more drops out of that lemon.
Finally, this scrawny guy in a suit gets up and says "I'll try it." Everyone else starts laughing at him. He ignores them however. He walks up to where the lemon is, and, using only one hand, he effortlessly squeezes 3 more drops out of the lemon.
"All right," the first man says, "just like I promised, you will get the $100. But, I have to ask, how did you squeeze that juice out without even trying?"
The suit then turns to the first man and replies, "I work for the IRS."
Okay my turn:
A man goes to the dentist because his mouth is hurting. The dentist examines him and says, "That upper plate I put in six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "The only thing worth mention is about four months ago my wife made some asparagus with Hollandaise sauce on it and I loved it. So I decided to start putting that sauce on everything."
Well," said the dentist "that's most likely the problem, you see, Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly acidic, and it's been corroding your plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time I'll use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient.
"Because," the dentist replies, "there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.."
A man goes to the dentist because his mouth is hurting. The dentist examines him and says, "That upper plate I put in six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "The only thing worth mention is about four months ago my wife made some asparagus with Hollandaise sauce on it and I loved it. So I decided to start putting that sauce on everything."
Well," said the dentist "that's most likely the problem, you see, Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly acidic, and it's been corroding your plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time I'll use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient.
"Because," the dentist replies, "there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.."
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