The Jokes Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
LOL SA.


You know you need a new lawyer when...

Every time your current lawyer says "Your Honor" , he makes those quotation marks with his fingers.


Joke:

Several vampire bats were returing to there roosts to sleep through the day. One vampire bat came bck coved head to toe in blood. When the other bats saw him, they went into a fenzy. "Where'd you get it?!?" they screamed, and pestered him until he agreed to show them the place. "Follow me," he said. They all raced through the forest until they arived near a large tree. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" asked the first bat. "Yes, YES, YES!!!!" screamed all the other bats. "Good," said the first bat "because I didn't!"
 
@pokenerd: But if he points his finger out accusingly every time he says "Objection!", then you're just fine.
 
Two friends, Pat and Chris are talking. Pat asks," How's you new fish doing? The one you told me was special."
Chris answers, " Honestly, I'm dissappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird."
Pat replies, " I can't believe you seriously bought a fish thinking that itcould sing like a bird."
"Yeah," Chris says, " After all, he is a parrot fish."
"While you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get a fish to learn how," Pat tells him.
"That's what you think! He sings all night! The problem is he keeps singing off-key. It's driving me nuts! Do you have any idea how hard it is to tuna fish?", Chris exclaims.
 
What's brown, black, blue, and lying in a ditch?
A brunette who's made too many blonde jokes.
 
Did you hear the one about the vacuum? You wouldn't like it, it sucks.

Never get into a car with a psychiatrist, he'll drive you crazy.

What do all jokes have in common?
- They all end with a bad pun.
 
Putting in spoiler to save space.

Why do we need France on our side against other countries?
So the French can show them how to surrender.

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, it’s never been tried.

There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City." The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World." On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."

Behind every successful man, there is a woman, and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
Liked the last one a lot.

Knock-knock!
-Who's there?
Jeremy.
-Jeremy who?
You mean you don't know him either?
 
So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks,"What drink would you like?"
The horse says nothing because he's a horse.
 
^That joke makes no sense.

It may have been better if it said, The horse said nothing because its a little hoarse.
 
KDay116 said:
So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks,"What drink would you like?"
The horse says nothing because he's a horse.
Click to expand...

*Your conversational partner has disconnected*

What two games would a vampire never play?
Pokemon Silver and Pokemon SoulSilver.

What's black and white and red all over?
The bloody fifth generation of Pokemon, mate.
 
A penguin walks into a bar. He then asks for a drink. "That wil be $10" the bartender told him. The penguin pays and drinks. "Y'know, we don't see many penguins around here" the bartender said. The penguin than told him, "With drinks that price, no wonder."
 
here's a couple of jokes i found:

1 = What did the Pichu say to Pikachu?
I love you watts and watts

2 = How did the first person to discover electric Pokemon feel?
Shocked!
 
He spelt jammies wrong. That's all. Snorchu and TDL, as usual, make me smile.
 
DarkraiK.O said:
1 = What did the Pichu say to Pikachu?
I love you watts and watts
Click to expand...

Would've been funnier if Pichu had said "I wuv you watts and watts". Just saying.



There's a group of girls I like, so every morning I go online and Pokémon (Poke 'em on) Facebook.
 
Putting inappropriate stuff in spoiler tags does not mean you can post anything you want anywhere you want

Here's a really funny joke:

serebii.net

HURRRR
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top