Writing I Can't Live Without You (Pearlshipping PG-13)

Do you like this story ?

  • It's awesome

    Votes: 2 20.0%

  • I could use some more work

    Votes: 8 80.0%
  • Total voters
    10
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GODZILLA said:
You could make one the babies have a mutated parasitic wasp inside of their chest cavity and one night... it breaks out in a spew of blood, guts, and bones. The story then takes a dramatic shift of being based on Ash and Dawns' quest to destroy the deadly creature that killed one of their children and threatens to spread across the planet. It could become a classic.
Click to expand...

Isn't that basically the exact same thing as the movie "Larva"? o_O

Whatever. Anyway, nice story DFB, it's pretty good so far. Except, your chapters are like....super short. :eek:
 
shard79 said:
GODZILLA said:
You could make one the babies have a mutated parasitic wasp inside of their chest cavity and one night... it breaks out in a spew of blood, guts, and bones. The story then takes a dramatic shift of being based on Ash and Dawns' quest to destroy the deadly creature that killed one of their children and threatens to spread across the planet. It could become a classic.
Click to expand...

Isn't that basically the exact same thing as the movie "Larva"? o_O

Whatever. Anyway, nice story DFB, it's pretty good so far. Except, your chapters are like....super short. :eek:
Click to expand...


I've never heard of that movie. :p
 
... I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MUTUMBO JACKSON!! ... Let me say this, The babies were cool !! They can use Rolling/Mega/Hi-Jump/Jump Kick ! There's an action !

Oh and, there's no Pokemon and antagonist. It's getting boring. And why PearlShipping ? Why not try PalletShipping (Ash / Gary)

It'd be better if Paul/Dawn or Dawn/Kenny or Dawn/Dog (I'm refering to Brock) will be the couple.

I suggest that Paul will interrupt the story then Paul and Dawn will have a baby ! And Paul will always try to kidnap Dawn. Ash and Paul will have a race ! The first one that'll got a quadruplet wins ! What do you think ?

OR if you don't want it, let's say that they didn't knew the One-Child Policy and when they were controlled by the police, the police saw that they have two babies. And now, the couple will be chased by the police. Fugitives ! Hahah !!!

I can't feel thrill in this story, as I said BORING !!

Lacks Characters, and try to imagine age, Dawn = 10 yr. and Ash = 18 yr. lol !!!! Abusive !

One more thing, the story needs adventure, I hate the fact that Dawn and Ash are just stay in the house then they'll just jack up and multiply their babies.

This story is just boring and it's off, you still stick on the Ice Age (Dawn/Ash) try to blend with the modern age (Dawn / Paul).
 
Bellomence said:
... I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MUTUMBO JACKSON!! ... Let me say this, The babies were cool !! They can use Rolling/Mega/Hi-Jump/Jump Kick ! There's an action !

Oh and, there's no Pokemon and antagonist. It's getting boring. And why PearlShipping ? Why not try PalletShipping (Ash / Gary)

It'd be better if Paul/Dawn or Dawn/Kenny or Dawn/Dog (I'm refering to Brock) will be the couple.

I suggest that Paul will interrupt the story then Paul and Dawn will have a baby ! And Paul will always try to kidnap Dawn. Ash and Paul will have a race ! The first one that'll got a quadruplet wins ! What do you think ?

OR if you don't want it, let's say that they didn't knew the One-Child Policy and when they were controlled by the police, the police saw that they have two babies. And now, the couple will be chased by the police. Fugitives ! Hahah !!!

I can't feel thrill in this story, as I said BORING !!

Lacks Characters, and try to imagine age, Dawn = 10 yr. and Ash = 18 yr. lol !!!! Abusive !

One more thing, the story needs adventure, I hate the fact that Dawn and Ash are just stay in the house then they'll just jack up and multiply their babies.

This story is just boring and it's off, you still stick on the Ice Age (Dawn/Ash) try to blend with the modern age (Dawn / Paul).
Click to expand...


This post... it's full of win. :D [insert hilarious image that would fit this situation perfectly but be considered SPAM by some >_>]
 
Ain't you guys ever heard of creative license before? The author may do what he likes with the characters. If I wanted to I could write a story about how Ash suddenly woke up with wings and he spent a day flying around with his Charizard, and you guys would go "uh ash doesnt have wings you moron" and I'd say "uh yeah I know but it's my story and I can do whatever I want with it, if you don't like it you can go skinny dipping in the Arctic Circle."

In this story Ash and Dawn are roughly the same age they would be if this took place however many years it did. Yes you guys, Dawn is 10 years old and she's got two kids. Use your heads :[
 
Can someone please tell me where in the rules it says that you are allowed to break the no-bashing rule when someone makes a stupid remark?

What do you say, it isn't in there? Oh, well, I guess this counts as an official warning then :O
 
1e74cc4438.jpg


It's true. This is one of the best threads I've seen on Pokebeach in a long time. 8]
 
Bellomence said:
... I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MUTUMBO JACKSON!! ... Let me say this, The babies were cool !! They can use Rolling/Mega/Hi-Jump/Jump Kick ! There's an action !

Oh and, there's no Pokemon and antagonist. It's getting boring. And why PearlShipping ? Why not try PalletShipping (Ash / Gary)

It'd be better if Paul/Dawn or Dawn/Kenny or Dawn/Dog (I'm refering to Brock) will be the couple.

I suggest that Paul will interrupt the story then Paul and Dawn will have a baby ! And Paul will always try to kidnap Dawn. Ash and Paul will have a race ! The first one that'll got a quadruplet wins ! What do you think ?

OR if you don't want it, let's say that they didn't knew the One-Child Policy and when they were controlled by the police, the police saw that they have two babies. And now, the couple will be chased by the police. Fugitives ! Hahah !!!

I can't feel thrill in this story, as I said BORING !!

Lacks Characters, and try to imagine age, Dawn = 10 yr. and Ash = 18 yr. lol !!!! Abusive !

One more thing, the story needs adventure, I hate the fact that Dawn and Ash are just stay in the house then they'll just jack up and multiply their babies.

This story is just boring and it's off, you still stick on the Ice Age (Dawn/Ash) try to blend with the modern age (Dawn / Paul).
Click to expand...

Hurry up and start typing ! Don't forget to read my suggestions ! You might use it in the future.....

P.S, But lol it's thrill less, why I'm excited ?

P.S, how in the world that PMJ had interests on Fanfics ?
 
Bello, if you want to make your OWN Dawn fic, okay. But, I only write PEARLSHIPPING fanfics, because Ash and Dawn should be together !
 
Dawnfanboy said:
Bello, if you want to make your OWN Dawn fic, okay. But, I only write PEARLSHIPPING fanfics, because Ash and Dawn should be together !
Click to expand...

I'm just posting comments :F And I don't think that giving comments like that is bad.
 
I couldn't post Chapter, was it again, 8 ? because my internet was down. But brief detail--Ash wants to go out with Dawn for Valentines' Day but they have no one to look after the kids (about 2 months after Dawn delivered the babies, so they're about 1 1/2 months old)
 
Meh, it'd be better if Ash cheated on Dawn. Or GODZILLA's idea. It would make the story much more interesting. It's just so boring :'(
 
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